Joke Anybody??

[fish n chips]

I failed a Health and Safety course at work today.One of the questions was:


"In the event of a fire, what steps would you take"




"really large ones" was apparently the wrong answer.

[Excedrin102]

Lmao....what kind of work do you do?...I remember one time at work something happened to one the oxygen tank where there's dozens of them,so I'm freaking out and was to go with fire ex..and stay,while standing a fellow co worker told me last time it happened it blew the whole south wing of building,I'm thinking oh crap There's no way I'm standing close to the.I wanna starting run.


Sent from my iPhone using MonsterAquariaNetwork app

[fish n chips]

i can prove a dog is mans best friend, . I locked my dog and the missus in the boot/trunk of my car for 2 hours and stuff me, guess who was still happy to see me when I opened it

[wantokeeptrout]

i failed an exam because apparently your founding fathers didn't sign the declaration of independence in pen

lol jk

[TurtleBear]

so a dyslexic walks into a bra...

[ocellatus]

So a lawyer, a cop and a fireman go fishing, and a huge storm brews up, crashes their boat and strands them on a tiny spit of an island. No food, freshwater, or shelter, and no way to signal.

They agree that they're all going to die unless someone tries to swim for help, but the water is teeming with sharks. They play rock paper scissors, and the lawyer loses. As he swims toward the mainland, the sharks all swim after him, then suddenly line up in 2 rows all the way to shore.

The fireman sees this and yells "It's a miracle!!"

The cop shakes his head and says "No........just professional courtesy."

O

[broken]

My train trip :
A younger woman and myself , who had never met before, found ourselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a transcontinental train.
Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, we got tired and fell asleep quickly, me in the upper bunk and she in the lower.
At 1:00 a.m., I leaned over and gently awoke the woman saying, "I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket? I'm really cold."
"I have a better idea," she said. "Just for tonight, let's pretend that we're married."
"Wow! That's a great idea!!" I said enthusiastically.
"Good," she replies. "Get your own darn blanket!"
After a moment of silence, I farted.

[ColeFishing]

Want to hear two short jokes and a long joke?

Joke. Joke. Joooooooooooooooooooookkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkke.

What do you call a fish with no eyes?
Fsh!

and my favorite...

There are two fish in a tank and one fish says to the other, “how do you drive this thing?”

[fish n chips]

i got a ban for my last joke on here, here gos. if ye dont see me for a while u know y..

Did you hear about the constipated mathematician
He worked it out with a pencil

[MaddMaxx]

whats the joke that got you banned?