What I've been told about xilo's is that they stay slightly smaller, in the 8-10" range...but I've also seen posts by people who have xilo's that are larger. I'm of the opinion that xilo's haven't really been available long enough to determine exactly how large they can grow.
I've also heard that they are less aggressive than others of the red devil complex. In general this may be true, but I happened to get one mean SOB..lol. I got 4 from Rapps a couple months ago. They are currently in the 4-5" range and in a 125 with a similarly sized zonatus and a 10" oscar. One of the xilo's runs the tank. He doesn't really mess with the oscar but is not afraid of it either. He doesn't really bother the zonatus much but again, he's not afraid of it. The other 3 xilo's get chased quite a bit.
Rapps told me when I was emailing him back and forth before the order to decide which Amphilophus to go with that xilo's are closer to citrinellum in that they are more tall bodied, stockier fish. This was the ultimate reason I decided to go wth xilo's. That and Jeff also said they, along with Sags, give the most divergent color patterns in their fry.