From the Alcoholic X-Files: Asian Three-Lizard Liquor
After risking life and limb to bring you my adventures with Inuit seagull wine, Thai scorpion vodka, and Chinese snake wine, it seemed an impossible task to find something new that could top what I'd already tried. After all, what's more bizarre than a drink with a dead animal in it? Answer: a drink with several dead animals in it! Yes, thanks to the sheer alcoholic creativity of our neighbors halfway around the globe, I'm back again, bottle in hand, to relate the pleasures and perils of Asian three-lizard liquor.
Let's start with the obvious question: why three lizards? Are they friends from school? Do they enjoy hanging out together, talking about lizard fashion trends and other important lizard-related issues? Well, no. First of all, they're dead. And secondly, in the Chinese and Vietnamese villages where this liquor is commonly made, less isn't more. More is more. You see, lizards--particularly geckos--are believed to have powerful energy (also known in Chinese as "qi"). So theoretically, the more geckos you stuff inside the bottle, the more energy you can absorb while getting drunk. Of course, whether you have any recollection of absorbing that energy the next morning is another question entirely.
But let's assume you're one of those clear-headed people who never wakes up stark naked in a different country after a hardcore night at the local pub. What exactly will this new lizard energy do for you (other than give you scales and a long tail...just kidding...I think...)? According to Asian lore, alcoholic gecko power fixes bad eyesight, prevents colds, gets rid of asthma...and yes, improves male potency. You know, in retrospect, the bedroom angle seems to come up quite a lot with these dead animal drinks. A fact which reaffirms my belief that if you just say the word "sex," people will try anything. And speaking of trying anything, as an interesting added bonus, many locals also believe that Asian three-lizard liquor prevents evil spirits from doing you harm--whether you're having sex with them or not. Groovy!
After risking life and limb to bring you my adventures with Inuit seagull wine, Thai scorpion vodka, and Chinese snake wine, it seemed an impossible task to find something new that could top what I'd already tried. After all, what's more bizarre than a drink with a dead animal in it? Answer: a drink with several dead animals in it! Yes, thanks to the sheer alcoholic creativity of our neighbors halfway around the globe, I'm back again, bottle in hand, to relate the pleasures and perils of Asian three-lizard liquor.
Let's start with the obvious question: why three lizards? Are they friends from school? Do they enjoy hanging out together, talking about lizard fashion trends and other important lizard-related issues? Well, no. First of all, they're dead. And secondly, in the Chinese and Vietnamese villages where this liquor is commonly made, less isn't more. More is more. You see, lizards--particularly geckos--are believed to have powerful energy (also known in Chinese as "qi"). So theoretically, the more geckos you stuff inside the bottle, the more energy you can absorb while getting drunk. Of course, whether you have any recollection of absorbing that energy the next morning is another question entirely.
But let's assume you're one of those clear-headed people who never wakes up stark naked in a different country after a hardcore night at the local pub. What exactly will this new lizard energy do for you (other than give you scales and a long tail...just kidding...I think...)? According to Asian lore, alcoholic gecko power fixes bad eyesight, prevents colds, gets rid of asthma...and yes, improves male potency. You know, in retrospect, the bedroom angle seems to come up quite a lot with these dead animal drinks. A fact which reaffirms my belief that if you just say the word "sex," people will try anything. And speaking of trying anything, as an interesting added bonus, many locals also believe that Asian three-lizard liquor prevents evil spirits from doing you harm--whether you're having sex with them or not. Groovy!
... Now this...
