WooooWha...............
For starters just about every large aquarium across the country uses Sand filters ....... with that being said most rays enjoy a dsb so all this talk of marine sand being bad is just plain garbage. However they are very much correct about your tank size, your filtration size and type................. your biggest problem tho is complete lack of marine animal care.
I've seen 1st hand Dogfish living well in a 300gal tank w/ a 125 gal sump containing 100+ lbs of LR and a 4" deep sand bed - no skimmer - and he uses de-chlorinated tap water. He also has no lighting at all. Not all sharks grow to 14'.
Phosphate eating bacteria really??? Even if it exists it has no effects on an F/O tank - heck who has a po4 reactor on an fw tank? Who uses r/o di water in FW? Does anyone have a protein skimmer on their FW? My 12-24" FW's live in de- chlorinated tap water and my 16" Caribe is almost 10 years old. PO4 in a fish only tank is a non issue SW or FW. The issues with F/O are the same as FW - Nitrates 20ppm or less via large volume w/c's which also becomes a money issue with salinity. If you can afford to buy lottsa salt no worries.
Go back to the drawing board - rethink filtration and tank size - research research research - what you want to do is not impossible.
No offence but bacteria are used to consume P04 and N03 in marine tanks, research carbon dosing and biopellets also skimmers don't work in FW. Sharks and rays actually need better water quality than most corals and nearly all marine fish do and certainly a lot more room. RO/DI is too pure for FW fish, your not even meant to drink it yourself and is used to mix with artificial salt that also contains all the necessary minerals and trace elements and also to replace pure evaporation. Good advice about going back to the drawing board though.