Thoughts...more of them...............
-----
I dialed a number and got the following recording:
"I am not available right now,
but Thank you for caring enough to call.
I am making some changes in my life.
Please leave a message after the Beep.
If I do not return your call,
You are one of the changes."
~~~~~
Aspire to inspire before you expire.
~~
My wife and I had words,
But I didn't get to use mine.
~~~~~
Frustration is trying to find your glasses without your
glasses.
~~~~~
Blessed are those who can give without remembering
And take without forgetting.
~~~~~
The irony of life is that, by the time
You're old enough to know your way
Around, you're not going anywhere.
~~~~~
God made man before woman so as to give him time to think
of an answer for her first question.
~~~~~
I was always taught to respect my elders,
But it keeps getting harder to find one.
~~~~~
Every morning is the dawn of a new error.
~~~~~
The quote of the month is by Jay Leno:
"With hurricanes, tornados, fires out of control, mud
slides, flooding, severe thunderstorms tearing up the
country from one end to another, and with the threat of
bird flu and terrorist attacks, "Are we sure this is a good
time to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?"
I Always Wondered About That
I was working in a scrap yard during summer vacation at
engineering
university. I used to work repairing construction
equipment. One afternoon,
I was taking apart a piling hammer that had some very large
bolts holding it
together. One of the nuts had corroded on to the bolt. To
free it, I started
heating the nut with an oxyacetylene torch. As I was doing
this, one of the
dimmest apprentices I have ever known came along. He asked
me what I was
doing. I patiently explained that if I heated the nut it
would grow larger
and release its grip on the bolt so I could then remove it.
"So things get larger when they get hot, do they?" he
asked.
Suddenly, an idea flashed into my mind. "Yes," I said,
"that's why days are
longer in summer and shorter in winter."
There was a long pause, then his face cleared. "You know, I
always wondered
about that," he said.
A Teenager Is...
â A person who can't remember to walk the dog but never
forgets a phone
number.
â A weight watcher who goes on a diet by giving up candy
bars before
breakfast.
â A youngster who receives her allowance on Monday,
spends it on Tuesday,
and borrows it from her best friend on Wednesday.
âSomeone who can hear his favorite singer 3 blocks away
but not his mother
calling from the next room.
â A whiz who can operate the latest computer without a
lesson but can't make
a bed.
â A student who spends 12 minutes studying history and 12
hours studying for
her driver's license.
â A connoisseur of 2 kinds of fine music -- loud and very
loud.
â An enthusiast who has the energy to bike for miles but
is usually too
tired to dry the dishes.
â A young woman who loves the cat and tolerates the
brother.
â A romantic who never falls in love more than once a
week.
â A budding beauty who never smiles until her braces come
off.
â A boy who can sleep till noon on any Saturday he
suspects the lawn needs
mowing.
â An original thinker who is positive that her mother was
never a teenager.
Night Out
Tired from waiting for their overdue baby, my daughter and
her husband broke
the monotony one night with a trip to the movies. My
daughter went inside to
get seats while my son-in-law bought popcorn and drinks in
the lobby.
Paying for the refreshments, my son-in-law knocked over his
soda. The clerk
mopped up the mess and refilled his cup. Rattled, he then
joined his wife.
Talking over the background music, he dramatically
described his
embarrassing episode. One of his expressive gestures upset
the bucket of
popcorn. He sheepishly headed back to the lobby.
When he was out of earshot, the woman sitting next to my
daughter turned and
said, "You're not going to let him hold the baby, are you?"
An accident really uncanny,
Befell an unfortunate granny.
She sat down in a chair
While her false teeth were there,
And bit herself right in the fanny!
