HEALTH QUESTION
& ANSWER SESSION
Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is
this true?
A: Your
heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... don't waste
them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your
heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can
extend the life of your car by
driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.
Q: Should
I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You
must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and
corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more
than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system.
Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass
(green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your
recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.
Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine is made from
fruit. Brandy is
distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so
you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also
made out of grain. Bottoms
up!
Q: How
can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well,
if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If
you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.
Q: What are some of the advantages of
participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can't
think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good!
Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!! ...
Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're
permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?
Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from
getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Definitely
not! When
you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger!!!!!!. You
should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.
Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are
you crazy? HELLO
Cocoa beans! Another vegetable!!! It's the best feel-good food
around!
Q: Is
swimming good for your figure?
A: If
swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.
Q: Is
getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey!
'Round' is a shape!
Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had
about food and diets.
And remember: "Life
should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving
safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to
skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other -
body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO
HOO, What a Ride"
& ANSWER SESSION
Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is
this true?
A: Your
heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... don't waste
them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your
heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can
extend the life of your car by
driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.
Q: Should
I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You
must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and
corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more
than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system.
Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass
(green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your
recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.
Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine is made from
fruit. Brandy is
distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so
you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also
made out of grain. Bottoms
up!
Q: How
can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well,
if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If
you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.
Q: What are some of the advantages of
participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can't
think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good!
Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!! ...
Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're
permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?
Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from
getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Definitely
not! When
you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger!!!!!!. You
should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.
Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are
you crazy? HELLO
Cocoa beans! Another vegetable!!! It's the best feel-good food
around!
Q: Is
swimming good for your figure?
A: If
swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.
Q: Is
getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey!
'Round' is a shape!
Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had
about food and diets.
And remember: "Life
should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving
safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to
skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other -
body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO
HOO, What a Ride"
I really liked the reduce stress one as well.