Anyone got any "Fishy" Jokes ?

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Red Devil

Red Devil

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Feb 23, 2006
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Fish jokes

Which fish can perform operations?
A Sturgeon!

Where do little fishes go every morning?
To plaice school!

What fish goes up the river at 100mph?
A motor pike!

How could the dolphin afford to buy a house?
He prawned everything!

1st kipper: 'Smoking's bad for you'
2nd kipper: 'It's OK, I've been cured'

What kind of fish is useful in freezing weather?
Skate!

What do you call a fish with no eyes?
Fsh!

What lives in the ocean, is grouchy and hates neighbours?
A hermit crab!

What do you get from a bad-tempered shark?
As far away as possible!

Why did the whale cross the road?
To get to the other tide!













[FONT=arial,helvetica]1.[/FONT]
[FONT=arial,helvetica]One day, two guys Joe and Bob were out fishing. [/FONT]

[FONT=arial,helvetica]
goldthumb.gif
goldthumb.gif
goldthumb.gif
[/FONT]


[FONT=arial,helvetica]One day, two guys Joe and Bob were out fishing. A funeral service passes over the bridge they're fishing by, and Bob takes off his hat and puts it over his heart. He does this until the funeral service passes by.[/FONT]

[FONT=arial,helvetica]Joe then said "Gee Bob, I didn't know you had it in you!"[/FONT]

[FONT=arial,helvetica]Bob then replies " It's the least I could do. After all I was married to her for 30 years."[/FONT]


[FONT=Helvetica, Geneva, Arial, SunSans-Regular, sans-serif]• Why are fish so smart?
[FONT=Helvetica, Geneva, Arial, SunSans-Regular, sans-serif]Because they live in schools.[/FONT]

[FONT=Helvetica, Geneva, Arial, SunSans-Regular, sans-serif]• What has no beginning, end or middle and touches every continent?[/FONT]
[FONT=Helvetica, Geneva, Arial, SunSans-Regular, sans-serif]The ocean.[/FONT]

[FONT=Helvetica, Geneva, Arial, SunSans-Regular, sans-serif]• What happens when you throw a green rock into the Red Sea?
[/FONT]
[FONT=Helvetica, Geneva, Arial, SunSans-Regular, sans-serif]It gets wet.[/FONT]
​
[FONT=Helvetica, Geneva, Arial, SunSans-Regular, sans-serif]• What happens when you throw a red rock into the Black Sea?
[/FONT]
[FONT=Helvetica, Geneva, Arial, SunSans-Regular, sans-serif]It sinks to the bottom.[/FONT]
​
[FONT=Helvetica, Geneva, Arial, SunSans-Regular, sans-serif]• What fish is the most valuable?
[/FONT]
[FONT=Helvetica, Geneva, Arial, SunSans-Regular, sans-serif]A goldfish.[/FONT]
​
[FONT=Helvetica, Geneva, Arial, SunSans-Regular, sans-serif]• Why is it so easy to weigh fish?
[/FONT]
[FONT=Helvetica, Geneva, Arial, SunSans-Regular, sans-serif]They have their own scales.[/FONT]
​
[FONT=Helvetica, Geneva, Arial, SunSans-Regular, sans-serif]• What's the best way to catch a fish?
[/FONT]
[FONT=Helvetica, Geneva, Arial, SunSans-Regular, sans-serif]Have someone throw it at you.[/FONT]
​
[FONT=Helvetica, Geneva, Arial, SunSans-Regular, sans-serif]• Why did the fish cross the road?
[/FONT]
[FONT=Helvetica, Geneva, Arial, SunSans-Regular, sans-serif]Somebody threw it![/FONT]
​
[FONT=Helvetica, Geneva, Arial, SunSans-Regular, sans-serif]• What sea animal can be adjusted to play music?
[/FONT]
[FONT=Helvetica, Geneva, Arial, SunSans-Regular, sans-serif]The tune-a fish!
[/FONT][FONT=Helvetica, Geneva, Arial, SunSans-Regular, sans-serif]
shark.gif
[/FONT]
​
[FONT=Helvetica, Geneva, Arial, SunSans-Regular, sans-serif]
• What happens when you cross
a great white shark with a cow?
[/FONT]
[FONT=Helvetica, Geneva, Arial, SunSans-Regular, sans-serif]I don't know...
but I wouldn't want to milk it.

[/FONT]
​
[FONT=Helvetica, Geneva, Arial, SunSans-Regular, sans-serif]• How do you shoot a blue shark?
[/FONT]
[FONT=Helvetica, Geneva, Arial, SunSans-Regular, sans-serif]With a blue shark spear gun.[/FONT]
​
[FONT=Helvetica, Geneva, Arial, SunSans-Regular, sans-serif]• How do you shoot a great white shark?
[/FONT]
[FONT=Helvetica, Geneva, Arial, SunSans-Regular, sans-serif]Hold his nose until he turns blue and then you shoot him with a blue shark spear gun.[/FONT]
​
[FONT=Helvetica, Geneva, Arial, SunSans-Regular, sans-serif]• If they made a movie starring the Loch Ness monster and the great white shark from Jaws, what would the movie be called?
[/FONT]
[FONT=Helvetica, Geneva, Arial, SunSans-Regular, sans-serif]Loch Jaws.[/FONT]
​
[FONT=Helvetica, Geneva, Arial, SunSans-Regular, sans-serif]• What is purple and lives in the sea and weighs 5000 pounds?
[/FONT]
[FONT=Helvetica, Geneva, Arial, SunSans-Regular, sans-serif]Moby Plum.[/FONT]
​
[FONT=Helvetica, Geneva, Arial, SunSans-Regular, sans-serif]• Why are manatees so wrinkled?
[/FONT]
[FONT=Helvetica, Geneva, Arial, SunSans-Regular, sans-serif]Did you ever tried to iron one?[/FONT]
​
[FONT=Helvetica, Geneva, Arial, SunSans-Regular, sans-serif]• What's green and squishy and spends a lot of time underwater?
[/FONT]
[FONT=Helvetica, Geneva, Arial, SunSans-Regular, sans-serif]An avocado with an aqua lung.[/FONT]
​
[FONT=Helvetica, Geneva, Arial, SunSans-Regular, sans-serif]• What lies at the bottom of the sea and shakes?
[/FONT]
[FONT=Helvetica, Geneva, Arial, SunSans-Regular, sans-serif]A nervous wreck![/FONT]
​
[FONT=Helvetica, Geneva, Arial, SunSans-Regular, sans-serif]• What do you get when you graduate from scuba diving school?
[/FONT]
[FONT=Helvetica, Geneva, Arial, SunSans-Regular, sans-serif]A deep-loma.[/FONT]​
[FONT=Helvetica, Geneva, Arial, SunSans-Regular, sans-serif]• There was a sea scout camp near a beach where the porpoises were so friendly they swam into shore at dinner time. The chef used to announce dinner by yelling: "Dinner! For all in tents...and porpoises."
[/FONT]
[FONT=Helvetica, Geneva, Arial, SunSans-Regular, sans-serif][/FONT]

[/FONT]​
​
 
Two fish are in a tank and one says:
"You know how to drive this thing???"
 
i know i have some

just retrieve the files LOL
ill try to knock em loose
:duh: :wall:
nope still nothin
ill keep trying
:wall: :duh: :wall: :duh:
 
Recommendations: 17​
Two whales, a male and a female, were swimming side by side in the ocean.

Suddenly, the male whale spots a ship in the distance. He recognizes it as the whaling ship that killed his father.

Filled with anger, he says to his female companion, 'That's the ship that killed my father! Let's swim closer!' When they were close enough, the male said, 'Why don't we swim under the ship and blow air through our blow holes and break the ship into a million pieces? That will be sweet revenge.'

And the female agreed to this. So they each took a deep breath of air, swam under the ship, and blew enormous amounts of air under the ship. The ship flew into the air and crashed back to the sea and broke into a million pieces.

The pair of whales started to swim off when they realized that the sailors were not dead, but clinging to pieces of wood and floating in the ocean.

The male whale was furious and said to the female whale, 'They're still alive, but I've got another idea. Let's swim around and gulp up all the sailors!'

That's when the female stopped swimming, looked at the male and said,
'Oh no .... I agreed to the blow job, but I'm NOT swallowing the seamen.'
 
http://joecartoon.atom.com/cartoons/359-im_a_little_catfish

Fish and Chips​
One day while driving home from his fishing trip in the pouring rain, a man got a flat tire outside a monastery.
A monk came out and invited him inside to have dinner and spend the night. The motorist accepted. That night he had a wonderful dinner of fish and chips. He decided to compliment the chef.
Entering the kitchen, he asked the cook, "Are you the fish friar?" "No," the man replied, "I'm the chip monk."
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Shark Bait​
A priest was walking along the cliffs at Dover when he came upon two locals pulling another man ashore on the end of a rope.
"That's what I like to see," said the priest, "A man helping his fellow man."
As he was walking away, one local remarked to the other, "Well, he sure doesn't know the first thing about shark fishing."
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Women v's Game Warden​
A couple went on vacation to a fishing resort up north. The husband liked to fish at the crack of dawn;
the wife preferred to read.

One morning the husband returned after several hours of fishing and decided to take a short nap. The wife decided to take the boat out. She was not familiar with the lake so she rowed out, anchored the boat, and started reading her book.

Along comes the Game Warden in his boat, pulls up alongside and says, "Good morning, Ma'am. What are you doing?"

"Reading my book," she replies as she thinks to herself,
"Is this guy blind or what?"

"You're in a restricted fishing area," he informs her.

"But, Officer, I'm not fishing. Can't you see that?"

"But you have all this equipment, Ma'am. I'll have to
take you in and write you up."

"If you do that I will charge you with rape," snaps the
irate woman.

"I didn't even touch you," grouses the sheriff.

"Yes, that's true... but you have all the equipment ..."


Moral: Never argue with a woman who knows how to read!
​
 
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