Sorry this does not fit your story but it is for sure filled with puns:
I was driving in down town SALT LAKE. My BARRACUDA was in the shop so I was in a rented STING RAY and it was overheating. So I pulled into a SHELL station. They said I’d blown a SEAL.
While they were fixing that I went over to a place called Le POISSON, just next door to the Whistling OYSTER. A real DIVE. The place looked FORBOATING. Too bad I didn’t have a boat. But I knew the owner. He used to play for the DOLPHINS. I yelled, “Hi MILT!.” You have to yell; he’s hard of HERRING. MILT was also down on his luck. Fact is, he was barely keeping his head BELOW WATER.
I bellied up to the SAND BAR. He poured the usual - a PEARLY TEMPEST with a peanut butter and JELLYFISH sandwich on the side. I slipped him a FIN - on PORPOISE. I was feeling good. I even dropped a SAND DOLLAR in the box: for JERRY’S SQUIDS.
The place was crowded. We were packed in like SARDINES. They were all there to listen to the big band sounds of Tommy DORSAL. What SOLE! Tommy was rocking the place with a very popular TUNA. SALMON Chanted Evening. And the stage was surrounded by screaming GROUPERS; probably there to see the BASS player.
One of the girls was giving me the eye, trying to LURE me - a cute ANGEL dressed in flashy NEONS and a 22 litre TANK top. She was an eleven on a SCALE of one to ten. What you’d call a bathing beauty - that’s a girl worth WADING for. I felt I OTTER talk to her so I walked over. She said things I just couldn’t FATHOM. She was too DEEP. I said, “What’s your sign?” She responded; “AQUARIUM, and my name’s BARB.” I invited her over to my place for a little midnight BAIT. BARB was hesitant. I said, not even for just for a few MINNOWS?
Then in comes her boy friend, the meanest looking CHUB to come down the PIKE. I could SEA ANENOME a LEAGUE away. He was covered with MUSSELS. CHUB came over to me and said “Listen SHRIMP, don’t you come TROLLING around here.” What a CRAB. This guy was so steamed that I could see the ANCHOR in his eyes. I turned to him and said “ABALONE, you are just being SHELLFISH.”
MILT sensed trouble - he was already on the phone to the CODS. Then, CHUB hits me with a SUCKER punch. I catch him with a left HOOK and knock him off his PERCH. He EELS over. It was a FLUKE, but holy MACKEREL, there he was lying on the deck, - KELPLESS. I told MILT to forget the CODS; this guys gonna need a STURGEON [I bet you SMELT that one coming].
The ANGEL was impressed. She came over to me and asked, “what’s your name?” I replied “MARLIN.” Well, from then on we had a WHALE of a time. I took her to dinner, I took her to a movie [double feature-POSEIDON Adventure and MOBY DICK]. I bought her a bouquet of FLOUNDERS. I was in love. I wanted to propose to BARB yet I was CLAMmed up. She was more eFISHent and asked me. I accepted HOOK, LINE, and SINKER. We then TROUTED over to city hall for the FISHING LICENSE.
Marriage was a tough ROE to hoe. At first BARB wanted no kids. She kept saying,” not tonight I have a HADDOCK.” She wanted lots of material possessions - and no kids - I guess a GUPPY at heart. However she surprised me one day when I came home from work to find some eggs laid on a flat stone. BARB was concerned that they weren’t fertilized yet so I SWAM over to Co-op for a bag of Weed ‘n Feed. Finally we SCHOOLED our feelings and our efforts SPAWNED three small FRY - a BUOY, B-U-O-Y and two beautiful GILLS. Being short on space we raised them in a BASS IN NET.
But alas my wife turned out to be a SNAPPER, not an ANGEL. She couldn’t pass up a SAIL and drained our POOL of resources and we ended the year with a NET loss. BARB was always CARPING on me for not doing the laundry. It wasn’t my fault. I couldn’t KELP it. The TIDE never came in!
Then one morning I woke up and she was gone. Just left a note stating she could no longer put up with the CARP I was dishing out. I was up the CREEK without a PUDDLE. I fell to PISCES. I suppose it SURFS me right. The MORAY of the story is, you don’t know what you’ve CAUGHT till it’s gone.
