Help with my report

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troutking

Piranha
MFK Member
Mar 18, 2008
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heres my report. can u guys help me with a good ending. also if u see anything that i can improve please tell me. all the red P's are indentations that dont show up here for some reason
The Stay at Home Navigator
P “Portugal is a country that has no coast along the Mediterranean Sea so the country’s advancements in worldwide exploration centuries ago comes as no surprise” One man who really moved Portuguese exploration forward was Prince Henry the Navigator. Prince Henry sent many voyages to Africa, which helped open trade routes. Many of Prince Henry’s voyages were the first to reach unexplored places in Africa. He was a major contributor to Portugal’s advancements during the Renaissance and his explorations helped advance the study of geography and made Portugal a leader in navigation (Gallagher 10). Prince Henry had an interesting early life, was well known for, and was a major contributor to the world today.
P Many things happened in Prince Henry’s early life. He was born in 1394 and was the son of King John I and Queen Philippa. When he was just 21 he commanded a military force that captured the Muslim outpost of Ceuta. Prince Henry rarely left Portugal. He grew up during a period of a confused period of civil strife and war with Castile and securing Portugal’s independence which his father was bringing a close of (Henry).
P Prince Henry was famous for many reasons. He wanted to expand Portugal’s trade and influence along the African coast. For 40 years, he sent his caravels down along the west coast of Africa (World Book). A major obstacle in his way was the Cape of Bojador because European sailors believed there lay monsters and insurmountable evils just south of it. He sent 15 expeditions to navigate south of Cape Bojador but each time the ship returned with the captain giving excuses for not being able to pass it. Finally in 1434 one of his ships commanded by Captain Gil Eannes got pass the Cape of Bojador. This had never been done before. In 1441 a dark period of history started, the first 200 slaves were brought back by Captain Eannes.
P At Sagres, Prince Henry established the first maritime school in Europe (World Book). Many of Europe’s most renowned navigators, mapmakers, and shipbuilders came to his service (Gallagher 10). “The institute, best described as a fifteenth century research and development facility, included libraries, an astronomical observatory, ship-building facilities, a chapel, and housing for staff.” “The institute was designed to teach navigational techniques to Portuguese sailors, to collect and spread geographical information about the world, to invent and improve navigational and seafaring equipment, to sponsor expeditions, and to spread Christianity around the world-and perhaps event to find Prester John.” At his institute the caravel was developed. The caravel was fast and was much more maneuverable than any ships made before. The only downside was that it was rather small (Prince).
P Prince Henry has contributed to the world today and has made a lasting impression. He established the first maritime school which led to many breakthroughs in navigational and seafaring technology, which led to the new technologies today. His institute created the caravel. This is important because 2 of Christopher Columbus’s ships were caravels (Prince).
P Prince Henry the Navigator is seen as one of the greatest seafaring man by the Portuguese. He expanded trade and exploration in Africa, founded the first maritime school in Europe, and his school had developed many things. Prince Henry the Navigator is known for his brilliant planning skills and his sponsorship of the expeditions.
 
A good ending IMO would be to a brief synopsis of what he did to influence things leading to our day and WHY he is relevant to discuss today.
 
I would get rid of some of the blank, empty facts.

For example: You have: He was born in 1394 and was the son of King John I and Queen Philippa.


You could instead write something like: Prince Henry, born in 1394, was the son of King John I and Queen Philippa.

Or: Born in 1394 to King John I and Queen Philippa, Prince Henry blah blah blah.
 
swede;3072988; said:
A good ending IMO would be to a brief synopsis of what he did to influence things leading to our day and WHY he is relevant to discuss today.


Absolutely. Recap his most important contributions...
 
and end it with like "he was the most interesting man ever...... when he drinks beer , its dos xx's"
 
Oh wow. Just saw you are only 13. You should be proud, your writing is not that bad at ALL for your age.
 
im still stuck on the last sentence though and the thesis in the first paragraph. its the last sentence
 
Good work! Although one constructive criticism would be to vary the vocabulary, the flow of writing is well thought out but the amout of times "HE" is written means the text doesn't flow as well.

I think it's a great peice of writing, I hope your tutor gives it the time of day, my college tutor ticks all the way down my essay's and comments on only the ending, every time. ( because that's the only part she has read )
 
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