Just wondering something

Go_redfish

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So there's this person on one of my facebook fish geek groups (say that 3x fast) who is selling his 20gallon fish tanks because the fiance says they have to go. Its just 2- 20 gallons!

I feel like "WTF dude!" I'd never let some one tell me I had to get rid of something I loved or even just liked a little. Especially if there's a 50/50 chance we'd be divorced in 5yrs or less anyway. Red flags, man! I see red flags!

What would you do? Even if its not a fish tank. Say your into cars or ...idk some other thing where your hobby accumulates things you enjoy. Does that other person really care about you if they deny you something you enjoy?(and this person is clearly enjoying in moderation! Its not like 2- 20 gallon tanks are taking up the whole house)
 

fishhead0103666

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Is he keeping full grown electric eels in the tanks or did he manage to cram a great white in one of them? If not then the female had no right to deny him of his tanks. Those tanks pose no danger to himself or anyone else and they are barely big enough to take an hour of maintenance combined.
If your spouse tries to deny you of your passion/hobby then they aren’t right for you, I say he should leave her.
Me myself? I used to date this girl that I was absolutely crazy about and if she said to get rid of my tanks then I might very well have shut down one tank but not all of them.
 

Go_redfish

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Lord knows, I'm not perfect by any stretch of the imagination. But I can't see ever telling mine he couldn't have something. I have no right to control or maniplulate someone.

I feel bad for this guy coz this is deeper than fish tanks.
 

Kittiee Katt

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I also feel for this guy. It's not like they were going to lose their house or car because of two 20gal tanks. You'd hope she would at least be willing to compromise, if not tell that man to run! Run for the hills!!! Because that will not be a successful relationship, one party will end up miserable... Likely him by the sounds of it.. :(


I mean, I told my ex he couldn't buy a few things - but there was reasons - usually decent ones. And I never ever made him get rid of something he owned just to please me, otherwise we wouldn't have our silver dollars. ;)

I'll give you some examples of things I said he couldn't buy - and my reasoning behind them.

First thing that comes to mind is alcohol and its not that he couldn't buy it, just not too much. I didn't like him drinking too much because he was an alcoholic when we first got together and a little abusive. So while I didn't mind him having a drink here and there, I didn't like him being sloshed because of his history with it. And he was fine with it and agreed that he's a better person when not sloshed so that was a win/win.

I also wouldn't let him buy fish unless he'd done his research on them, when we first got into fishkeeping he brought silver dollars with no knowledge of what they were and I wasn't letting another scenario like that happen again. I'm still not happy with him and its been like 8½ years since we got them lol

Another example is when he wanted to buy another car. We already had two cars and the real estate wouldn't allow a third and I wasn't getting evicted over a car - especially since we already had two of them. I was willing to compromise however and if he got rid of a car he could buy another.

Otherwise, as long as the bills were paid and the savings saved I didn't care what he spent his money on. He let me buy expensive shampoo so why should I stop him from having his luxuries? It only seemed fair. :)
 

esoxlucius

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This unhealthy controlling type of thing goes on all over the world in relationships, with varying degrees of eventual outcome, from splitting up to someone getting murdered! It happens. To someone who's in a good balanced relationship, such as yours seems to be, then it's difficult to understand the dynamics of such a relationship without being some kind of head shrink.

It just makes you appreciate your own relationship more I suppose.
 

Go_redfish

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I also feel for this guy. It's not like they were going to lose their house or car because of two 20gal tanks. You'd hope she would at least be willing to compromise, if not tell that man to run! Run for the hills!!! Because that will not be a successful relationship, one party will end up miserable... Likely him by the sounds of it.. :(


I mean, I told my ex he couldn't buy a few things - but there was reasons - usually decent ones. And I never ever made him get rid of something he owned just to please me, otherwise we wouldn't have our silver dollars. ;)

I'll give you some examples of things I said he couldn't buy - and my reasoning behind them.

First thing that comes to mind is alcohol and its not that he couldn't buy it, just not too much. I didn't like him drinking too much because he was an alcoholic when we first got together and a little abusive. So while I didn't mind him having a drink here and there, I didn't like him being sloshed because of his history with it. And he was fine with it and agreed that he's a better person when not sloshed so that was a win/win.

I also wouldn't let him buy fish unless he'd done his research on them, when we first got into fishkeeping he brought silver dollars with no knowledge of what they were and I wasn't letting another scenario like that happen again. I'm still not happy with him and its been like 8½ years since we got them lol

Another example is when he wanted to buy another car. We already had two cars and the real estate wouldn't allow a third and I wasn't getting evicted over a car - especially since we already had two of them. I was willing to compromise however and if he got rid of a car he could buy another.

Otherwise, as long as the bills were paid and the savings saved I didn't care what he spent his money on. He let me buy expensive shampoo so why should I stop him from having his luxuries? It only seemed fair. :)
Good reasons!
 

Go_redfish

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This unhealthy controlling type of thing goes on all over the world in relationships, with varying degrees of eventual outcome, from splitting up to someone getting murdered! It happens. To someone who's in a good balanced relationship, such as yours seems to be, then it's difficult to understand the dynamics of such a relationship without being some kind of head shrink.

It just makes you appreciate your own relationship more I suppose.
People make my head hurt... I need to go stare at a fish tank til the throbbing stops.
 

Galantspeedz

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never had this happening to me... but when i start spending too much.... my partner only tell me one thing.... how much you spend on your hobby, you have to spend the same amount on me .... luckily this does not happen often haha
 

Go_redfish

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never had this happening to me... but when i start spending too much.... my partner only tell me one thing.... how much you spend on your hobby, you have to spend the same amount on me .... luckily this does not happen often haha
That sounds fair
 

Artt

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I'm pretty damn pleased my partner Is also into keeping aquariums.

I have heaps of hobbies, there have been a few times where he has put his foot down and made me get rid of a few things as I've done with him. He likes to fix broken stuff, our study is a hell hole of his collecting broken things and my art stuff. It is always give and take though.

Maybe this situation is too?
 
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