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Not at all! I'm fairly new to the cichlid hobby as well, and had stayed away from it for years because of the same local fish store advice. I can't tell you how many times I've heard "Malawi's are agressive so you don't want to keep them."
The reality is Malawi cichlids come in many different forms and behaviors. One thing I've discovered is most Malawi Cichlids are agressive because of their territorialness, as opposed to the predatory nature. This is especially true of cichlids less than 8 inches (many of the larger cichlids, or open water cichlids can be predatory fishes). Many of the Malawi Mbuna are even classified as "herbivores".
I believe the common "don't keep them" was usually followed with "if you do choose to keep them, only keep one or two per tank". This is incredibly NOT true! Common Malawi tanks are overcrowded! This is done purposefully to allow the territorial agression to be distributed over a larger number of fish (so one fish doesn't get picked on).
It's not uncommon to have 20 or more Malawi Cichlids in a 55 gallon tank.
There are some really great sticky posts in the forums you can reference to get some more information (including what fish to "mix"). However, it's pretty easy to do. Primarily, Malawi Cichlid males are dominant and are the most territorial... they are also usually at their "prettiest" when they're in full regal display of color (when they're being territorial). They're also largely con-specific. This means they'll be most territorial with other fish their size and color. As a result, it's very common to have lots of Malawi cichlids of a variety of colors in an aquarium! (This is exactly what I, and many aquarists love about the African cichlids... the color!). Also fun are the fact that Males and Females are often very different in coloration. For example, males may be blue while females are yellow, or vice-versa. This adds tremendous color to an aquarium, even when only keeping a few species (typically in a ratio with more females to males).
For some really great examples of Malawi cichlid tanks, the photography section is a great place to start.First off, let me compliment you on your planning. Many folks (including myself) didn't plan the jump into malawi's well and purchased on "color" as opposed to "temperment and/or total tank".
The sticky post (in this forum heading) titled: ***WHAT TO STOCK? ~ Species Selection Recipes!!!***
Is a GREAT place to check out some ideas for stocking purposes. If the genus/species gets to be too much, just ask for help with the names your local fish store can provide, and you'll find folks here will readily offer suggestions.
With a 40 gallon tank, you can house quite a few. The problem will be the fry size will make it difficult to sex the fish (as a result, you may end up with lots of males of some species, which will fight). With that small size though, if you have a store willing to take them back later (larger) for store credit, you can always remove some.
Some really easy going fish are the Acei's (purple bodies with yellow fins) and the Electric Yellow Labs (bright yellow with a black stripe on the dorsal fin, and possibly the pectoral and anal fins). Red Zebras (pink to orange in color... not really "red") are common as well. Blue Johanni's are quite popular and can be readily purchased in groups.
Ones to watch out for are the auratus (yellow and black), and the bumblebee cichlids, They can be really aggressive (especially the auratus!), and are more easily kept in species tanks.
In my 55g tank, for example, I have 2 kenyis (one male and one female... with plans to aquire at least 1 more female for a better balance), 3 acei's, 3 electric yellows, 3 red zebras (2 bright orange, one bright pink), 1 Sciaenochromis fryeri "Iceberg" (Labeled "electric blue" at the pet store), and one hybrid (tookpity on the thing). Total # of cichlids is 12, currently.
Still swimming with them are a bunch of community fish (tetras, cory cats, and some loaches) that haven't made it into the new tank yet. I had some initial fish loss (some rasbora tetras, and the neons) when I put the cichlids in with the community fish, but it goes to show that cichlids aren't all that bad, if they can live for 6 weeks with tetras, cory cats, and loaches!... though I wouldn't recommend it. LOL)
I'll eventually have about 20 in the tank (when I remove the community fish, I'll replace with cichlids) but am waiting for the new tank to be setup (in July) for that to occur.
For your 40 gallon, I'd make sure it's nitrogen cycled first, then your final capacity of 1 1/2 inch fish could easily hit 12-20 depending on the species, mix, and temperments of those selected.Keep in mind also, that forum information and general advice (including from myself) is likely to be rife with personal experience information, and not always accurate.
As a prime example, I was told in my local fish store Auratus were one of the most timid fish on the market, because the gal "owned one in a tank, and it wasn't mean at all". I bought a pair of them (auratus), only to bring them home, do a bit of basic research, and to my horror, discover the auratus is known as a "bad boy" of the Malawi cichlids, commonly terrorizing and killing other, even larger fish. It took me close to an hour to dig them out of my tank to bring them back. (I'd spent well over $100 on the other cichlids and wasn't about to lose that investment! I ended up having to pull all the aquarium decor to finally catch them both.
Which... btw... is why I commended you on doing some research FIRST. LOL
It wouldn't surprise me to have other folks post after me, offering differing advice (definitely more expert, anyway!)... I only offer my own experiences!
Btw, the Male Kenyi (named Cheeto) is a holy terror in my tank. He doesn't do damage, but at times he's literally forced all 20+ other fish into the right side of the aquarium and guarded 2 feet of tank. LOL No damage though, and the other fish seemed fine with it, especially since I feed them on that side anyway. I can't help but like him, though, since he's so personable. (greets me at the tank glass begging like a puppy, and actually sulks when I don't pay attention to him.)Farmgal, is your 40 gallon tank the standard 4 ft. size? The reason I ask is that the dimensions can make a difference in what you can stock.
There are a lot of differences between haps and mbunas. These are all generalizations and there are exceptions, but mbuna live in the rocky areas and haps are more open water. Mbuna are mostly herbivores and haps are carnivores/piscivores. Haps grow larger; much larger in some cases. Mbuna are more aggressive.
They have different body shapes, which is something you will come to recognize. And to make things even more confusing, there are also peacocks. If you go to the profiles and look at the Aulonocaras, you'll be looking at "peacocks".
I wouldn't recommend keeping haps or peacocks with mbuna unless you do it with the mbuna with milder temperaments. I keep some with L. caeruleus, P. acei, and I. sprengerae in a 75 gallon tank and they do fine.