This is too long to go through bit by bit. You've used more of Jackson's words than your own, and your tenses go back and forth from the past to the present. The present tense is used when summarizing or describing a story. The Lottery isn't a novel, as you've said: it's a short story. There's a lot that needs to be corrected here, but the best thing you can do in such a short time is to read the essay out loud to yourself. You'll probably catch some errors on your own. Also, you may find that you can eliminate or simplify some words: this is too verbose.
