This is a true story.
It all started this time last year. Lil' Pecky showed up at our house and it was so cute. Tip-tip-tapping on the windows. Now, a year later, Pecky-Bird has returned home to roost, is twice his size and, three times as loud. Did I mention it starts pecking at dawn? Listen bird, I know I'm supposed to get up in a half hour but, thats a valuable half an hour! So you must die.
Now, given it were a human or even a zombie for that matter, my chore would be easy. But its not because its a bird and I don't know what it wants. My first attempt was to put a distasteful album cover (big CD to you kids) in the window. Nope. Next I thought I'd distract him with a feeder. Nada. Lastly, I sicked the dog on him. Nothing. So you must die!
At this point I'm becoming manic. A bird can't beat me? I was thinking poison but, the dog might eat it, like everything else. Next I was thinking I'd snipe the little bastard but, my eyesights somewhat bad at dawn and we have a lot of windows. I had an idea about booby traps but, for a large weight to drop on the bird I'd have to be present to do it, see eyesight above. A trap door might not work because of the wings thing and, theres always the exploding female decoy but what if its a chick already? Ugh, very complicated. But, you must die.
So MFK'ers, I turn to you and all your bird killing expertise. I need ideas on how to off the little brown bastard before I destroy my house trying. Now back to whatever you were doing. (Or you will die)
It all started this time last year. Lil' Pecky showed up at our house and it was so cute. Tip-tip-tapping on the windows. Now, a year later, Pecky-Bird has returned home to roost, is twice his size and, three times as loud. Did I mention it starts pecking at dawn? Listen bird, I know I'm supposed to get up in a half hour but, thats a valuable half an hour! So you must die.
Now, given it were a human or even a zombie for that matter, my chore would be easy. But its not because its a bird and I don't know what it wants. My first attempt was to put a distasteful album cover (big CD to you kids) in the window. Nope. Next I thought I'd distract him with a feeder. Nada. Lastly, I sicked the dog on him. Nothing. So you must die!
At this point I'm becoming manic. A bird can't beat me? I was thinking poison but, the dog might eat it, like everything else. Next I was thinking I'd snipe the little bastard but, my eyesights somewhat bad at dawn and we have a lot of windows. I had an idea about booby traps but, for a large weight to drop on the bird I'd have to be present to do it, see eyesight above. A trap door might not work because of the wings thing and, theres always the exploding female decoy but what if its a chick already? Ugh, very complicated. But, you must die.
So MFK'ers, I turn to you and all your bird killing expertise. I need ideas on how to off the little brown bastard before I destroy my house trying. Now back to whatever you were doing. (Or you will die)
Bastard was weary and flew off before he could meet Mr. Marlin Mod 60 .22LR!!
