Hi Miles,
First of all, hardness is the concentration of alkaline earth metals, mostly calcium and magnesium, in water. Some water treatment plants remove them by adding a base and precipitate these metals as carbonates. Gererally, they're in water as hydrogen carbonates.
[Ca2+ + 2 HCO3-] + Ca(OH)2 ---> 2 CaCO3 + 2 H2O
As carbonates, they are much less soluble and, thus, out of the water.
Another way is to add polyphosphates. They form soluble complexes with those ions, "kind of" make them disappear. Which is mostly used in old detergents or modern dishwasher agents. This way, the carbonates (still dissolved in low concentrations) don't precipitate when the water is heated, and the heater cores remain clean.
I don't think either way is a real option in our hobby.
An ion exchanger (resin) simply exchanges alkaline earth metals (magnesioum, calcium) with alkali metals (sodium, postassium). That reduces the hardness, but high conductivity remains. The ion load doubles concentration-wise and stays constant charge-wise. No real help, either.
Miles said:
Is RO filtration and other filters the only REAL way to remove actual hardness?
Yes, reverse osmosis is. Downside: Lots of waste water. Pre-treatment with a resin (see above) could reduce that. Or you simply have a lot of water for your flowers...
HarleyK
on edit:
I forgot your driftwood question: peat, drift wood etc works by humic substances which a) adsorb ions and b) are slightly acidic. Their capacity is very limited, though. They only play a role if your water is already quite soft and you need it just a bit softer and slightly buffered in the acidic range.
pH adjustment does not change the calcium/magnesium concentrations. Thus, it does not alter the hardness. If you have carbonates in your tank, though (limestone, corals), acid will harden it up further by dissolving those carbonates