This was an email I sent my english professor today on why I didn't attend his class. A bold and new excuse for not going but sadly a horrific and true one. Let me enlighten you with my story.
The Reason:
The 75 gallon fish tank in my room that was sitting on an old family cedar chest with old family heirlooms decided that today was the day Alex's life was going to end. You might be thinking to yourself "How can a fish tank cause Alex's life to end?" "hmmm" and then it hits you as it certainly hit me. A f** leak. excuse my language but in these times of utter peril it is a necessity. The water and sand of my fish tank broke the silicon defenses of the aquarium's seal and poured out faster than Hitler's blitzkrieg through Poland. Desecrating all the belongings in the cedar family chest do to the archaic cedars unmatched fortifications against water and sand. The carpet for half of my room is now what most would consider a mysterious bog swamp. Luckily none of my prized possessions were destroyed (Xbox, Laptop, TV. you know...the important things) and managed to escape the river that is now my room. Luckily I got home from failing my philosophy midterm early enough to discover the visual atrocities half way through my life's destruction. I then proceed to cyphon my fish tank and put my fish in there original much smaller fish tank I can not find my baby eel. Where could he have gone? There is a top to this tank, so where did this critter go? And then I remember the cyphons hole is just big enough for this little curious basterd to swim through. So then mid-crisis I am forced to run outside(luckily a window and the fish tank are near eachother so the cyphon-cyphons water outside in the grass) As I aimlessly search for my aquatic friend I find him and rescue the poor little bugger. Unfortunately for freshwater eel's is they have no scales making there smooth slimy coat and grass a bad mixture. Hopefully he survives. Don't stop reading now because Alex's life just keeps getting better. My clothes bin of course is sitting next to my fish tank thus leaking the fish water all over my clothes. My mom is going to love the smell of that. Then for some strange reason wether it is the stench this water pollutes the air with or the cleverness of ants, ants start scaling the wall outside my window in their single file militaristic advancing march. Now, picture this I am struggling to finish getting the water from fish tank to outside while an invading force of ants launch D-Day assaults on my room. The only thing running through my bewildered mind is What the F?
Lessons Learned: Fish tanks in my room are a bad idea. Saving exotic fish is a challenging task. Drying wet carpet is harder than it looks. Ants are the enemy and must die at all costs.
Conclusions: Ants are behind this(a week ago I killed these heathen creatures for attacking my wet-suits, again must be that biological water aura that they feed off of) See the connection? Yes, I do.They must have covertly made there way into my room you see at night of course, because there sneaky little ninjas. Gnawed there little jawbones to dawn as they bit through the silicon sealant on my aquarium. Thus causing my fish tank to transform from pure awesomeness due to my excellent abilities at aqua-scaping to Carlsbad High's new swimming pool.
Epilogue: I know this is the longest piece of literature you probably have recieved from me this semester however I have the blog post on its way via email along with the clothing paragraphs. So be ready for more awesome stories.
-Alex Galloway
p.s. actually don't call me Alex anymore because when my mom comes home I will cease to exist.
The Reason:
The 75 gallon fish tank in my room that was sitting on an old family cedar chest with old family heirlooms decided that today was the day Alex's life was going to end. You might be thinking to yourself "How can a fish tank cause Alex's life to end?" "hmmm" and then it hits you as it certainly hit me. A f** leak. excuse my language but in these times of utter peril it is a necessity. The water and sand of my fish tank broke the silicon defenses of the aquarium's seal and poured out faster than Hitler's blitzkrieg through Poland. Desecrating all the belongings in the cedar family chest do to the archaic cedars unmatched fortifications against water and sand. The carpet for half of my room is now what most would consider a mysterious bog swamp. Luckily none of my prized possessions were destroyed (Xbox, Laptop, TV. you know...the important things) and managed to escape the river that is now my room. Luckily I got home from failing my philosophy midterm early enough to discover the visual atrocities half way through my life's destruction. I then proceed to cyphon my fish tank and put my fish in there original much smaller fish tank I can not find my baby eel. Where could he have gone? There is a top to this tank, so where did this critter go? And then I remember the cyphons hole is just big enough for this little curious basterd to swim through. So then mid-crisis I am forced to run outside(luckily a window and the fish tank are near eachother so the cyphon-cyphons water outside in the grass) As I aimlessly search for my aquatic friend I find him and rescue the poor little bugger. Unfortunately for freshwater eel's is they have no scales making there smooth slimy coat and grass a bad mixture. Hopefully he survives. Don't stop reading now because Alex's life just keeps getting better. My clothes bin of course is sitting next to my fish tank thus leaking the fish water all over my clothes. My mom is going to love the smell of that. Then for some strange reason wether it is the stench this water pollutes the air with or the cleverness of ants, ants start scaling the wall outside my window in their single file militaristic advancing march. Now, picture this I am struggling to finish getting the water from fish tank to outside while an invading force of ants launch D-Day assaults on my room. The only thing running through my bewildered mind is What the F?
Lessons Learned: Fish tanks in my room are a bad idea. Saving exotic fish is a challenging task. Drying wet carpet is harder than it looks. Ants are the enemy and must die at all costs.
Conclusions: Ants are behind this(a week ago I killed these heathen creatures for attacking my wet-suits, again must be that biological water aura that they feed off of) See the connection? Yes, I do.They must have covertly made there way into my room you see at night of course, because there sneaky little ninjas. Gnawed there little jawbones to dawn as they bit through the silicon sealant on my aquarium. Thus causing my fish tank to transform from pure awesomeness due to my excellent abilities at aqua-scaping to Carlsbad High's new swimming pool.
Epilogue: I know this is the longest piece of literature you probably have recieved from me this semester however I have the blog post on its way via email along with the clothing paragraphs. So be ready for more awesome stories.
-Alex Galloway
p.s. actually don't call me Alex anymore because when my mom comes home I will cease to exist.
