Guys, you are making me cringe as I am reading the above going. Not that you should care but anyway...
I value your input and understand and moreover share some of your thoughts for very sure ... but in all fairness, MDB is NOT asking us to evaluate his fish keeping skill but is asking us for help with his concrete problem.
Criticizing him in general can easily be counterproductive and backfire. We can easily lose him as a member of the MFK community (don't we value and respect every peer? have we not all started somewhere no matter how long it could have taken us?) or a peer hobbyist altogether (and he might lose his fish as a result too) not because we couldn't help him but because we have taken upon ourselves a self-appointed high horse preaching role.
Again, he is not asking us to evaluate his skill and his past. Please, don't. When he does, we can tell him, politely and conderately, having pondered it over 6 times so we are helpful, not destructive. It is SO EASY TO DESTROY, STOMP, and CONDEMN and so hard to build, save, help, and grow. Thus words and attitudes must be chosen carefully. Pretty please.
A smart keeper would see his/her errors as we go over a concrete problem. And he/she will grow and learn. A silly one won't, even if you tell him most of what he has been doing has been wrong. The end result will only be aggravation and mutual hostility. So refraining from general critique is usually the best practice.
...
And by all means, it ain't our business at all how expensive fish he buys and it doesn't matter if it is a plat RTC or a $10 pictus catfish. We can't use this against him! Otherwise we risk looking stupid and can also be fathomed of as envious, which is not the case, of course, I think.
MDB is free to spend his money as he pleases. We should be trying our best to help him save his RTC, its tank mates, and learn along the way all the while respecting him and not going overboard in our zeal to help out by offering unsolicited advice and critique as bulls in a china shop.
Unsolicited advice most usually leaves a bad taste in one's mouth and makes enemies, not friends. It is most hard to accomplish in written conversations versus face to face when it is easier.
...
I can eat my own words too. So forgive me please for preaching to you from my "throne", if you take offense to my words... but at least you then might know how you make MDB feel...
I value your input and understand and moreover share some of your thoughts for very sure ... but in all fairness, MDB is NOT asking us to evaluate his fish keeping skill but is asking us for help with his concrete problem.
Criticizing him in general can easily be counterproductive and backfire. We can easily lose him as a member of the MFK community (don't we value and respect every peer? have we not all started somewhere no matter how long it could have taken us?) or a peer hobbyist altogether (and he might lose his fish as a result too) not because we couldn't help him but because we have taken upon ourselves a self-appointed high horse preaching role.
Again, he is not asking us to evaluate his skill and his past. Please, don't. When he does, we can tell him, politely and conderately, having pondered it over 6 times so we are helpful, not destructive. It is SO EASY TO DESTROY, STOMP, and CONDEMN and so hard to build, save, help, and grow. Thus words and attitudes must be chosen carefully. Pretty please.
A smart keeper would see his/her errors as we go over a concrete problem. And he/she will grow and learn. A silly one won't, even if you tell him most of what he has been doing has been wrong. The end result will only be aggravation and mutual hostility. So refraining from general critique is usually the best practice.
...
And by all means, it ain't our business at all how expensive fish he buys and it doesn't matter if it is a plat RTC or a $10 pictus catfish. We can't use this against him! Otherwise we risk looking stupid and can also be fathomed of as envious, which is not the case, of course, I think.
MDB is free to spend his money as he pleases. We should be trying our best to help him save his RTC, its tank mates, and learn along the way all the while respecting him and not going overboard in our zeal to help out by offering unsolicited advice and critique as bulls in a china shop.
Unsolicited advice most usually leaves a bad taste in one's mouth and makes enemies, not friends. It is most hard to accomplish in written conversations versus face to face when it is easier.
...
I can eat my own words too. So forgive me please for preaching to you from my "throne", if you take offense to my words... but at least you then might know how you make MDB feel...
