Ever wonder about the lady that received all those lovely Christmas gifts in the 12 Days of Christmas?
Here's the correspondence that followed those deliveries....
December 14th
Dearest John:
I went to the door today and the postman delivered a partridge in a pear tree. What a delightful gift. I couldn't have been more surprised.
With dearest love and affection,
Agnes
________________________________________
December 15th
Dearest John:
Today the postman brought your very sweet gift. Just imagine, two turtle doves.... I'm just delighted at your very thoughtful gift. They are just adorable.
All my love,
Agnes
________________________________________
December 16th
Dear John:
Oh, aren't you the extravagant one! Now I must protest. I don't deserve such generosity. Three french hens. They are just darling, but I must insist.... You're just too kind.
Love,
Agnes
________________________________________
December 17th
Today the postman delivered four calling birds. Now really! They are beautiful, but don't you think enough is enough? You're being too romantic.
Affectionately,
Agnes
________________________________________
December 18th
Dearest John:
What a surprise! Today the postman delivered five golden rings.
One for each finger. You're just impossible, but I love it.
Frankly, John, all those squawking birds were beginning to get on my nerves.
All my love,
Agnes
________________________________________
December 19th
Dear John:
When I opened the door there were actually six geese a-laying on my front steps. So you're back to the birds again, huh? Those geese are huge. Where will I ever keep them? The neighbors are complaining and I can't sleep through the racket.
PLEASE STOP!
Cordially,
Agnes
________________________________________
December 20th
John:
What's with you and those #&$@* birds???? Seven swans a-swimming. What kind of stupid joke is this? There's bird poo all over the house and they never stop the racket. I'm a nervous wreck and I can't sleep all night.
IT'S NOT FUNNY....... So PLEASE stop with the birds.
Sincerely,
Agnes
________________________________________
December 21st
OK Buster:
I think I prefer the birds. What am I going to do with eight maids a-milking? It's not enough with all those birds and eight maids a-milking, but they had to bring their own cows. There is poo all over the lawn and I can't move into my own house.
Just lay off me.
Ag
________________________________________
December 22nd
Hey Idiot:
What are you? Some kind of sadist? Now there's nine pipers playing.
And do they play. They never stopped chasing those maids since they got here yesterday morning. The cows are upset and stepping all over those screeching birds. No wonder they screech. What am I going to do?
The neighbors have started a petition to evict me. You'll get yours.
From Ag
________________________________________
December 23rd
You Rotten Brat:
Now there's ten ladies dancing (I don't know why I call them ladies. )
They've been partying with those nine pipers all night long. Now the cows can't sleep and they've got diarrhea. My living room is a mess. The commissioner of buildings has subpoenaed me to give cause why the building shouldn't be condemned. I'm sicking the police on you.
One who means it,
Ag
________________________________________
December 24th
Listen You:
What's with the eleven lords a-leaping with those maids and aforementioned "ladies"? Some of those gals will never walk again. All the birds are dead. They have been trampled to death in the dancing and partying.
I hope you're satisfied, you rotten swine.
Your sworn enemy,
Miss Agnes McCallister
________________________________________
December 25th (From the law offices Taeker, Spredar, and Baegar)
Dear Sir:
This is to acknowledge your latest gift of twelve fiddlers fiddling, which you have seen fit to inflict on our client, Miss Agnes McCallister. The destruction, of course, was total. All correspondence should come to our attention. If you should attempt to reach Miss McCallister at Happy Dale Sanatorium, the attendants have instructions to shoot you on sight. With this letter, please find attached a warrant for your arrest.
Here's the correspondence that followed those deliveries....
December 14th
Dearest John:
I went to the door today and the postman delivered a partridge in a pear tree. What a delightful gift. I couldn't have been more surprised.
With dearest love and affection,
Agnes
________________________________________
December 15th
Dearest John:
Today the postman brought your very sweet gift. Just imagine, two turtle doves.... I'm just delighted at your very thoughtful gift. They are just adorable.
All my love,
Agnes
________________________________________
December 16th
Dear John:
Oh, aren't you the extravagant one! Now I must protest. I don't deserve such generosity. Three french hens. They are just darling, but I must insist.... You're just too kind.
Love,
Agnes
________________________________________
December 17th
Today the postman delivered four calling birds. Now really! They are beautiful, but don't you think enough is enough? You're being too romantic.
Affectionately,
Agnes
________________________________________
December 18th
Dearest John:
What a surprise! Today the postman delivered five golden rings.
One for each finger. You're just impossible, but I love it.
Frankly, John, all those squawking birds were beginning to get on my nerves.
All my love,
Agnes
________________________________________
December 19th
Dear John:
When I opened the door there were actually six geese a-laying on my front steps. So you're back to the birds again, huh? Those geese are huge. Where will I ever keep them? The neighbors are complaining and I can't sleep through the racket.
PLEASE STOP!
Cordially,
Agnes
________________________________________
December 20th
John:
What's with you and those #&$@* birds???? Seven swans a-swimming. What kind of stupid joke is this? There's bird poo all over the house and they never stop the racket. I'm a nervous wreck and I can't sleep all night.
IT'S NOT FUNNY....... So PLEASE stop with the birds.
Sincerely,
Agnes
________________________________________
December 21st
OK Buster:
I think I prefer the birds. What am I going to do with eight maids a-milking? It's not enough with all those birds and eight maids a-milking, but they had to bring their own cows. There is poo all over the lawn and I can't move into my own house.
Just lay off me.
Ag
________________________________________
December 22nd
Hey Idiot:
What are you? Some kind of sadist? Now there's nine pipers playing.
And do they play. They never stopped chasing those maids since they got here yesterday morning. The cows are upset and stepping all over those screeching birds. No wonder they screech. What am I going to do?
The neighbors have started a petition to evict me. You'll get yours.
From Ag
________________________________________
December 23rd
You Rotten Brat:
Now there's ten ladies dancing (I don't know why I call them ladies. )
They've been partying with those nine pipers all night long. Now the cows can't sleep and they've got diarrhea. My living room is a mess. The commissioner of buildings has subpoenaed me to give cause why the building shouldn't be condemned. I'm sicking the police on you.
One who means it,
Ag
________________________________________
December 24th
Listen You:
What's with the eleven lords a-leaping with those maids and aforementioned "ladies"? Some of those gals will never walk again. All the birds are dead. They have been trampled to death in the dancing and partying.
I hope you're satisfied, you rotten swine.
Your sworn enemy,
Miss Agnes McCallister
________________________________________
December 25th (From the law offices Taeker, Spredar, and Baegar)
Dear Sir:
This is to acknowledge your latest gift of twelve fiddlers fiddling, which you have seen fit to inflict on our client, Miss Agnes McCallister. The destruction, of course, was total. All correspondence should come to our attention. If you should attempt to reach Miss McCallister at Happy Dale Sanatorium, the attendants have instructions to shoot you on sight. With this letter, please find attached a warrant for your arrest.
