The Little old lady

[Nate77]

A little old lady is walking down the street, dragging two plastic
garbage bags, one in each hand.

There's a hole in one of the bags, and once in a while a $20 bill
flies out of it onto the pavement.

Noticing this, a policeman stops her.

"Ma'am, there are $20 bills falling out of that bag..."

"Damn!" says the little old lady....."I' d better go back and see if I can find some of them. Thanks for the warning!"

"Well, now, not so fast," says the cop. "How did you get all that
money?

Did you steal it?"

"Oh, no"! , says the little old lady. "You see, my back yard backs up to the parking lot of the football stadium. Each time there's a game, a lot of fans come and pee in the bushes, right into my flower beds!" So, I go and stand behind the bushes with a big hedge clipper, and each time someone sticks his thingie through the bushes, I say: '$20 or off it comes!' "

"Hey, not a bad idea!" laughs the cop. "Good luck!"
By the way, what's in the other bag?"

"Well", says the little old lady, "Not all of them pay."

 

[babyhova1309]

lol

 

[Razman]

thats terrible nate

 

[DarthLungFish]

I Feel the Dark Side of the Force in This Old Lady!

Very Funny!!

 

[brakken]

Shown below, is an actual letter that was sent to a bank by an 86
year old woman. The bank manager thought enough of the letter to
have it published in the New York Times.


Dear Sir:
I am writing to thank you for bouncing my check with which I
endeavored to pay my plumber last month.
By my calculations, three nanoseconds must have elapsed between
his presenting the check and the arrival in my account of the funds
needed to honor it.
I refer, of course, to the automatic monthly deposit of my entire
pension, an arrangement which, I admit, has been in place for only
eight years.

You are to be commended for seizing that brief window of
opportunity, and also for debiting my account $30 by way of
penalty for the inconvenience caused to your bank.

My thankfulness springs from the manner in which this incident has
caused me to rethink my errant financial ways.

I noticed that whereas I personally
answer your telephone calls
and letters, --- when I try to contact you, I am confronted by the
impersonal, overcharging, pre-recorded, faceless entity which your
bank has become.

From now on, I, like you, choose only to deal with a flesh-
and-blood person.

My mortgage and loan repayments will therefore and hereafter no
longer be automatic, but will arrive at your bank, by check,
addressed personally and confidentially to an employee at your
bank whom you must nominate.

Be aware that it is an offense under the Postal Act for any other
person to open such an envelope. Please find attached an
Application Contact which I require your chosen employee to
complete.

I am sorry it runs to eight pages, but in order that I know as much
about him or her
as your bank knows about me, there is no
alternative .

Please note that all copies of his or her medical history must be
countersigned by a Notary Public, and the mandatory details of
his/her financial situation (income, debts, assets and liabilities)
must be accompanied by documented proof.

In due course, at MY convenience, I will issue your employee with
a PIN number which he/she must quote in dealings with me.

I regret that it cannot be shorter than 28 digits but, again, I
have modeled it on the number of button presses required of me to
access my account balance on your phone bank service. As they say,
imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.
Let me level the playing field even further.

When you call me, press buttons as follows:

IMMEDIETELY AFTER DIALING,
PRESS THE STAR (*) BUTTON FOR ENGLISH

#1. To make an appointment to see me
#2. To query a missing payment.
# 3. To transfer the call to my living room in case I am there.
# 4. To transfer the call to my bedroom in case I am sleeping.
# 5. To transfer the call to my toilet in case I am attending to nature
# 6. To transfer the call to my mobile phone if I am not at home .
#7. To leave a message on my computer, a password to access my
computer is required. Password will be communicated to you at a
later date to that Authorized Contact mentioned earlier.
# 8 To return to the main menu and to listen to options 1 through 7.
# 9. To make a general complaint or inquiry. The contact will then
be put on hold, pending the attention of my automated answering
service.
# 10. This is a second reminder to
press* for English.

While this may, on occasion, involve a lengthy wait, uplifting
music will play for the duration of the call.

Regrettably, but again following your example, I must also levy an
establishment fee to cover the setting up of this new arrangement.
May I wish you a happy, if ever so slightly less prosperous New Year?
Your Humble Client

(Remember: This was written by a 86 year old woman)
YA JUST GOTTA LOVE THE SENIORS" !!!!!

 

[GJC]

 

[DarthLungFish]

Thats Awesome!!! Bank of America, Here I come!!

 

[big train]

Shown below, is an actual letter that was sent to a bank by an 86
year old woman. The bank manager thought enough of the letter to
have it published in the New York Times.


Dear Sir:
I am writing to thank you for bouncing my check with which I
endeavored to pay my plumber last month.
By my calculations, three nanoseconds must have elapsed between
his presenting the check and the arrival in my account of the funds
needed to honor it.
I refer, of course, to the automatic monthly deposit of my entire
pension, an arrangement which, I admit, has been in place for only
eight years.

You are to be commended for seizing that brief window of
opportunity, and also for debiting my account $30 by way of
penalty for the inconvenience caused to your bank.

My thankfulness springs from the manner in which this incident has
caused me to rethink my errant financial ways.

I noticed that whereas I personally
answer your telephone calls
and letters, --- when I try to contact you, I am confronted by the
impersonal, overcharging, pre-recorded, faceless entity which your
bank has become.

From now on, I, like you, choose only to deal with a flesh-
and-blood person.

My mortgage and loan repayments will therefore and hereafter no
longer be automatic, but will arrive at your bank, by check,
addressed personally and confidentially to an employee at your
bank whom you must nominate.

Be aware that it is an offense under the Postal Act for any other
person to open such an envelope. Please find attached an
Application Contact which I require your chosen employee to
complete.

I am sorry it runs to eight pages, but in order that I know as much
about him or her
as your bank knows about me, there is no
alternative .

Please note that all copies of his or her medical history must be
countersigned by a Notary Public, and the mandatory details of
his/her financial situation (income, debts, assets and liabilities)
must be accompanied by documented proof.

In due course, at MY convenience, I will issue your employee with
a PIN number which he/she must quote in dealings with me.

I regret that it cannot be shorter than 28 digits but, again, I
have modeled it on the number of button presses required of me to
access my account balance on your phone bank service. As they say,
imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.
Let me level the playing field even further.

When you call me, press buttons as follows:

IMMEDIETELY AFTER DIALING,
PRESS THE STAR (*) BUTTON FOR ENGLISH

#1. To make an appointment to see me
#2. To query a missing payment.
# 3. To transfer the call to my living room in case I am there.
# 4. To transfer the call to my bedroom in case I am sleeping.
# 5. To transfer the call to my toilet in case I am attending to nature
# 6. To transfer the call to my mobile phone if I am not at home .
#7. To leave a message on my computer, a password to access my
computer is required. Password will be communicated to you at a
later date to that Authorized Contact mentioned earlier.
# 8 To return to the main menu and to listen to options 1 through 7.
# 9. To make a general complaint or inquiry. The contact will then
be put on hold, pending the attention of my automated answering
service.
# 10. This is a second reminder to
press* for English.

While this may, on occasion, involve a lengthy wait, uplifting
music will play for the duration of the call.

Regrettably, but again following your example, I must also levy an
establishment fee to cover the setting up of this new arrangement.
May I wish you a happy, if ever so slightly less prosperous New Year?
Your Humble Client

(Remember: This was written by a 86 year old woman)
YA JUST GOTTA LOVE THE SENIORS" !!!!!

That's awsome i hate bank of america they will never see another 1 of my greenbacks i wish i had seen this post about a year ago when i was being abused by b.o.a. they would have recived a copy of this with a few revisions i hate banks they are the kings of greedyness