The Man Rules
At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down
Finally , the guys' side of the story.
( I must admit, it's pretty good.)
We always hear ' the rules'
From the female side.
Now here are the rules from the male side.
These are our rules!
Please note.. these are all numbered '1 '
ON PURPOSE!
1. Men are NOT mind readers.
1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl.
If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
1. Sunday sports
It's like the full moon
or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!
1. Yes and No
are perfectly acceptable answers
to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it.
That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago
is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments
become Null and void after 7 Days.
1. If you think you're fat,
you probably are.
Don't ask us.
1. If something we said
can be interpreted two ways
and one of the ways
makes you sad or angry,
we meant the other one
1. You can either ask us
to do something
Or tell us how you want it done.
Not both.
If you already know
best how to do it,
just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible,
Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus
did NOT need directions
and neither do we.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colours,
like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit,
not A colour.
Pumpkin is also a fruit.
We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched.
We do that.
1. If we ask what is wrong
and you say 'nothing,'
We will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying,
but it is just not worth the hassle.
1. If you ask a question
you don't want an answer to,
Expect an answer
you don't want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear
is fine... Really .
1. Don't ask us
what we're thinking about
unless you are prepared
to discuss such topics
as football or golf.
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. I am in shape.
Round IS a shape!
1. Thank you for reading this..
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;
But did you know
men really don't mind that?
It's like camping.
Pass this to as many men as you can -
to give them a laugh.
Pass this to as many women as you can -
to give them a bigger laugh.
At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down
Finally , the guys' side of the story.
( I must admit, it's pretty good.)
We always hear ' the rules'
From the female side.
Now here are the rules from the male side.
These are our rules!
Please note.. these are all numbered '1 '
ON PURPOSE!
1. Men are NOT mind readers.
1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl.
If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
1. Sunday sports
It's like the full moon
or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!
1. Yes and No
are perfectly acceptable answers
to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it.
That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago
is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments
become Null and void after 7 Days.
1. If you think you're fat,
you probably are.
Don't ask us.
1. If something we said
can be interpreted two ways
and one of the ways
makes you sad or angry,
we meant the other one
1. You can either ask us
to do something
Or tell us how you want it done.
Not both.
If you already know
best how to do it,
just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible,
Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus
did NOT need directions
and neither do we.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colours,
like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit,
not A colour.
Pumpkin is also a fruit.
We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched.
We do that.
1. If we ask what is wrong
and you say 'nothing,'
We will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying,
but it is just not worth the hassle.
1. If you ask a question
you don't want an answer to,
Expect an answer
you don't want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear
is fine... Really .
1. Don't ask us
what we're thinking about
unless you are prepared
to discuss such topics
as football or golf.
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. I am in shape.
Round IS a shape!
1. Thank you for reading this..
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;
But did you know
men really don't mind that?
It's like camping.
Pass this to as many men as you can -
to give them a laugh.
Pass this to as many women as you can -
to give them a bigger laugh.
