Inspired by recent stories of reef tanks wiping out entire families (which will be described further) i thought that we should take an informative and mildly entertaining dive into the dark side of the aquarium hobby. You didnt think it was all happy goldfish piddling about fish bowls did you?
1. Drowning
It might seem like a ridiculous notion that you could drown in a 20 gallon aqueon tank, but little did you know that charlie the dojo loach had been beefing up in the power filter flow and when he grabbed you by the nose there was no way to pull yourself out. At least thats what your girlfriend told the police after she found those "pictures" of you and the babysitter on the couch together. As for those bruises on your neck? That was just from her desperately trying to "save" you. Of course if you have a monster tank than one slip and klonk on the head and you are off to fishy heaven.
2. Electrocution
Didn't you ever learn that that water and electronics dont mix? If you are a fish keeper you didnt! It seems that todays aquariums are filled with more gizmos and gadgets than ever and it would only take one frayed wire or one exploding heater to turn you and your scaled friends into a real life version of fish sticks from south park. Also remember how they say not to take a shower during a thunderstorm? That also applies to water changes. One hand in the water at the wrong time and all your family will find is a puff of smoke and some seriously toasted fishes. Batter anyone?
3. Falling into, onto or around your aquarium
You know how they say dont drink and drive? Well dont fish tank and drive! Or dont fish tank and drink. A giant hunk of glass panes is not an object to be a little tipsy around. One stumble and you could send a multi hundred or thousand pound object crashing onto yourself or yourself crashing into it. Now that would be some kind of hangover.
4. Zombie Snail Disease
Aren't snails such funny looking creatures, always poking about with their feelers and motorboating around the bottom at a speed that makes your average Galapagos tortoise look like a world class sprinter? Except that most of them are hiding a deadly secret, zombie snail disease. This parasite not only infects the snails brain, but also commandeers it and makes them climb up the nearest plant stalk where they will be easy prey for passing birds. You ever see those people sitting silently in trees by the side of the highway, waiting for the next owl to come along and snatch them up? They were innocent aquarists just like you and then they caught zombie snail disease. Not really, but it can cause meningitis in the brain, not a fun way to spend your time if you ask me.
5. Palytoxin
"What a pretty reef tank, can i get an aquarium like that?" That is probably the reaction most people have to your well kept, $500 Fluval 995.0 (was going to be 999.0, but Herman Cain still holds the trademark to that), but the reality is that that aquarium holds a deadly secret, palytoxin. Palytoxin is the second deadliest poison in the world (dont ask me what the first one is, im not your google) and is common in zooanthid corals. The word on the street is that the corals deliberately evolved the prettiest colors they could, just to lure the unsuspecting aquarist into putting them into their tanks. Maybe it is intelligent design, maybe they are just ********s (i know british english too, you know) either way, once that coral gets disturbed, the toxin is released into the atmosphere, where one wiff of it has sent entire families to the hospital for emergency care and intubation. Nemo doesnt seem like he needs decorations now does he?
1. Drowning
It might seem like a ridiculous notion that you could drown in a 20 gallon aqueon tank, but little did you know that charlie the dojo loach had been beefing up in the power filter flow and when he grabbed you by the nose there was no way to pull yourself out. At least thats what your girlfriend told the police after she found those "pictures" of you and the babysitter on the couch together. As for those bruises on your neck? That was just from her desperately trying to "save" you. Of course if you have a monster tank than one slip and klonk on the head and you are off to fishy heaven.
2. Electrocution
Didn't you ever learn that that water and electronics dont mix? If you are a fish keeper you didnt! It seems that todays aquariums are filled with more gizmos and gadgets than ever and it would only take one frayed wire or one exploding heater to turn you and your scaled friends into a real life version of fish sticks from south park. Also remember how they say not to take a shower during a thunderstorm? That also applies to water changes. One hand in the water at the wrong time and all your family will find is a puff of smoke and some seriously toasted fishes. Batter anyone?
3. Falling into, onto or around your aquarium
You know how they say dont drink and drive? Well dont fish tank and drive! Or dont fish tank and drink. A giant hunk of glass panes is not an object to be a little tipsy around. One stumble and you could send a multi hundred or thousand pound object crashing onto yourself or yourself crashing into it. Now that would be some kind of hangover.
4. Zombie Snail Disease
Aren't snails such funny looking creatures, always poking about with their feelers and motorboating around the bottom at a speed that makes your average Galapagos tortoise look like a world class sprinter? Except that most of them are hiding a deadly secret, zombie snail disease. This parasite not only infects the snails brain, but also commandeers it and makes them climb up the nearest plant stalk where they will be easy prey for passing birds. You ever see those people sitting silently in trees by the side of the highway, waiting for the next owl to come along and snatch them up? They were innocent aquarists just like you and then they caught zombie snail disease. Not really, but it can cause meningitis in the brain, not a fun way to spend your time if you ask me.
5. Palytoxin
"What a pretty reef tank, can i get an aquarium like that?" That is probably the reaction most people have to your well kept, $500 Fluval 995.0 (was going to be 999.0, but Herman Cain still holds the trademark to that), but the reality is that that aquarium holds a deadly secret, palytoxin. Palytoxin is the second deadliest poison in the world (dont ask me what the first one is, im not your google) and is common in zooanthid corals. The word on the street is that the corals deliberately evolved the prettiest colors they could, just to lure the unsuspecting aquarist into putting them into their tanks. Maybe it is intelligent design, maybe they are just ********s (i know british english too, you know) either way, once that coral gets disturbed, the toxin is released into the atmosphere, where one wiff of it has sent entire families to the hospital for emergency care and intubation. Nemo doesnt seem like he needs decorations now does he?
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