I can't swim - I grew up on a beach and can't swim, my mum and grandparents all tried teaching me for years, I just never got the hang of it - I can't even float, I just sink :/
I can defend myself to a point - one on one, fist to fist I'm fine, when blades and bullets come out, I'm done haha
I can use a gun safely, but I'm not a fan of it because the kick hurts my shoulder and I'm a sook.
I can find food or hunt in a supermarket... Does that count?

I can start a fire with matches or a lighter haha
I'd say my parents failed the "Viper Survival Test" haha