Advice on Depression and fish keeping.

[Scrappy71113]

Hello; Don't know how to address depression on a discussion forum. So, won't try. Since rehoming is not off the table, such seems the thing to do. Same for a dog, cat or any other animals under your care.
If or when you find work, then you can try again depressed or not. I have had to cut back my active tanks a time or two and start over later. Good luck.

Not asking advice for the depression, just for how to cope with the tank maintenance.
As far as work goes, I have a job, it's just a horrible job that's chipping away at me and breaking me down. I need to find a new one. The issue isn't a lack of income per say. I have the funds to feed them, get the things they need. It's the lack of energy, the lack of mental capacity to handle day to day life.
I'm going to try some of the advice given, and see how it goes for a few weeks. If I can't get my head in the game, I'll definitely rehome them.

 

[HUKIT]

I think most people have gone through a hard time at some point in life including myself. I’m a chronic overthinker and tend to hyperfocus on the negative aspects of my life far more than the positive. I use my fish room/display tanks as a distraction. This allows me to completely forget about everything that’s happening in life and just focus on the task at hand. There are also rewards for that too as seeing positive changes through your fish whether it’s growth, color, or breeding activity. Those little wins will definitely add something positive into a negative situation.

 

[Conchonius]

We've all been there, in one way or another. At the end of the day the brain is an organ, and its issues are no different than issues of other organs. You need rest, recuperation and treatment, which unfortunately is hard to find.

Can you automate the water change process? Even a small secondhand pump and a hose should make it much easier. Although with depression, the issue I expect is that it is difficult to start the process, rather than finishing it once you're past the initial hurdle. I would recommend underfeeding as well - fish need very little food to keep themselves going, and it would keep the water quality higher, which they need more.

Oscars don't need washed lids or scraped algae, either, so don't worry about that. They can live in mountain dew-colored green water just fine, it's the nitrates they care about. As long as you're doing regular water changes, you're not failing them in any way.

Engaging with a community helps, and MFK is a community. Maybe make plans to post improvement photos of the fish, and use that as an excuse or motivation to get them to a better place?

 

[Scrappy71113]

We've all been there, in one way or another. At the end of the day the brain is an organ, and its issues are no different than issues of other organs. You need rest, recuperation and treatment, which unfortunately is hard to find.

Can you automate the water change process? Even a small secondhand pump and a hose should make it much easier. Although with depression, the issue I expect is that it is difficult to start the process, rather than finishing it once you're past the initial hurdle. I would recommend underfeeding as well - fish need very little food to keep themselves going, and it would keep the water quality higher, which they need more.

Oscars don't need washed lids or scraped algae, either, so don't worry about that. They can live in mountain dew-colored green water just fine, it's the nitrates they care about. As long as you're doing regular water changes, you're not failing them in any way.

Engaging with a community helps, and MFK is a community. Maybe make plans to post improvement photos of the fish, and use that as an excuse or motivation to get them to a better place?

Just getting the encouragement and support here has been helping tons. I did a 75% water change on my Oscar tank Sunday, and another 50% yesterday to get everything back to where it needs to be.
Started them on salt and meds for the guy with the swim bladder issues this morning.
The plan today is getting a water change done on my red devil tank.
But you are correct, it isn't an issue of getting it done once I start, but an issue of starting.
I plan on just leaving the hoses out for the time being so starting will be easier.
Hopefully if I can just get back into the role of maintenance, my mental state will improve. I have never had an issue with keeping up with maintenance before now, it has always been something I loved.

 

[Scrappy71113]

I think most people have gone through a hard time at some point in life including myself. I’m a chronic overthinker and tend to hyperfocus on the negative aspects of my life far more than the positive. I use my fish room/display tanks as a distraction. This allows me to completely forget about everything that’s happening in life and just focus on the task at hand. There are also rewards for that too as seeing positive changes through your fish whether it’s growth, color, or breeding activity. Those little wins will definitely add something positive into a negative situation.

This all really started when I had to downsize my collection about two years ago. I had so many fish that I had been raising for years from little babies, hueta gar, blue tilapia, some random hybrids, blood red parrots, multiple plecos and cats, dojo loaches, goldfish, mollies, betta, snails, peacock cichlids, random mystery fish, Jaguar cichlids, all of them had to go. I had gotten laid off and ended up in a minimum wage cashier job and just couldn't afford them anymore. My electric bill was through the roof, I was going through nearly a pound of fish food a week, and a large bottle of prime was lasting maybe a month or two. I ended up rehoming over 100 fish, and shutting down 12 tanks. I just kept the two in my living room going and haven't really been in my fish room since, other than to get necessities out of there.
I haven't even broke down the tanks in there yet.
I took a huge hit when I gave them up. Finally got a better paying job, still doesn't pay enough to restart my fish room, and the place is absolutely miserable. It's one of those jobs that has me crying on my way home every day.
To top it off, I lost one of my cats a couple months ago to old age, and lost his brother two weeks ago. I had them for 14 years. Another huge hit.
I've been on the hunt for a new job, but they seem to be far and few between as of late.
The game plan I came up with yesterday is to focus on the 4 fish I have now, get them back where they need to be, and then just redecorate the empty tanks like I'm getting them ready for new water babies, just not fill them up. Maybe just going through the process will help a bit. All while looking for a new job.

 

[skjl47]

Hello; If you get a bottle of SAFE such can save some money. SAFE is the same as PRIME except in powder form. It goes much further. A bit more involved to dose.
Does your tap water have chloramines or with luck only chlorine? I am lucky in that my tap water has only chlorine. I do not use SAFE nor PRIME on a regular basis. I do have some of each on hand.

Sounds like you did what many of us have done which is over extend and then have to cut back. If you are young this sort of thing will happen in one form or another. I have been down to one small tank set up a few times. The tanks and much of the equipment stores well and can be set up again.

 

[HUKIT]

To top it off, I lost one of my cats a couple months ago to old age, and lost his brother two weeks ago. I had them for 14 years. Another huge hit.
I've been on the hunt for a new job, but they seem to be far and few between as of late.
The game plan I came up with yesterday is to focus on the 4 fish I have now, get them back where they need to be, and then just redecorate the empty tanks like I'm getting them ready for new water babies, just not fill them up. Maybe just going through the process will help a bit. All while looking for a new job.

I’m sorry to hear about the meow meows. I have two as cats as well plus a fur missile named Riggs(after Martin Riggs from Lethal Weapon). I had to put down my 13 year yellow lab named Woody three years ago which as you know is awful. I swore I wouldn’t get another dog but after a year I decided to get another, a decision I’m happy I did. Maybe another little furry or two in the house would do some good? It could certainly be a win/win to adopt a couple from a local shelter. No matter how my bad a day has been it’s always nice to see them when I walk in the door. I always joke now I’ll get rid of my kids before my dog as I can always make more kids, Lol.

 

[phreeflow]

Just getting the encouragement and support here has been helping tons. I did a 75% water change on my Oscar tank Sunday, and another 50% yesterday to get everything back to where it needs to be.
Started them on salt and meds for the guy with the swim bladder issues this morning.
The plan today is getting a water change done on my red devil tank.
But you are correct, it isn't an issue of getting it done once I start, but an issue of starting.
I plan on just leaving the hoses out for the time being so starting will be easier.
Hopefully if I can just get back into the role of maintenance, my mental state will improve. I have never had an issue with keeping up with maintenance before now, it has always been something I loved.

That’s great progress!
You’ll be fine…it’ll pass.

 

[skjl47]

Hello; Was sitting around with another old guy at a car dealership showroom. I was waiting for a salesman to come back with a deal sheet. (You know, the way they take fifteen or twenty minutes to get back to you for some reason) We were comparing our bad life experiences. He won the round as he is damaged from a hospital stay during which the medication given affected his kidneys. Also wound up with a heart condition so is limited about dialysis. He is grateful to be alive and to have, so far, five extra years.

Another old timer once told me that the world craps on all of us from time to time. No one gets away clean. Everyone gets dumped on. Not sure the difference between being depressed and giving up. Had enough things happen which have made me sad & angry. Have been treated badly by wives & friends. Being treated badly by enemies is not the same as by folks we are close to and does not hurt.
Been pushed out of job 2&1/2 years before a full pension due to poor financial running of a local school system. Worked for them 27 &1/2 years with 27 years being the threshold for a minimum pension. The county school system ushered 47 of us with at least 27 years on the job out the door so they could hire college grads at half salary. I was pissed but found positions for six more years of work. I was angry but did not give up. Had to modify my fishkeeping.
At one school I set up my remaining fish in the science classroom because i did not have a better place. The HS students poisoned the tank so i was without fish for only the second time since 1959. I now have a small but decent fish room.

Had a close friend who succumbed to depression from time to time. Did not know how to help. He turned to drinking. Not sure i am making any good points. I know how to get angry. I know how to try & fail over and over. I get sad but am not sure such is "depression". I do not know any more how to help the OP than I did my former close friend. Wish i did know something.

 

[M075]

Basically how inexperienced it is not being able to start doing the things you want to do only by your own mind tricking you into thinking its a huge task and wont be fun, mostly because of sadness, anger or feelings alike, whatever it may be caused by.

For me its waking up, sometimes not even coming out of bed for a day, dinner is never on time anymore (good thing i live alone) not even wanting to do the things that make you happy.

Ive started talking to myself, ive noticed at least a few times when thinking about whats bothering me, try not to do that, people will think youre crazy. Im already crazy so who cares right lol

Its like a switch in your brain is turned off, and its on your secondary power line id say, youll live but not want to do more than absolute necessities, imo the only way to start feeling better is going out doing things, start small think big, rome wasnt build in a day.


Good to read you did the water changes, feels good doesnt it? Keep hanging in there, maybe try some new things or try to find some like minded people to hang out with.

Like when i start talking about 2 stroke engines with one of my buddies my mind is clear only thinking about the stuff were talking about, it helps a lot and often they motivate me to do at least something on the bikes. Or to do some other stuff i really want done.

Excuse me if im rambling lol

Also dont start drinking, it only helps the first couple nights after that it does nothing for you. Trust me i know