A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey
- Thread starter HarlanAshmore
- Start date
The guy walks in without the monkey this time.
The bartender says, "I see you left your monkey home this time, uh?"
The guy says: "Yeah, he cost me a lot of money in damages last time I brought hime here. Give me a beer will you?"
The guy takes his beer and goes in the back. About ten minutes later he comes back to the bar.
The guy says: "Hey, bartender, are you a betting man by any chance?"
The bartender replies: "I've been known to make a bet or two."
The guy says: "Tell you what: I bet you $50 that I can bite my own eye."
The bartender scratches his head, slaps $50 on the counter,and looks at the guy, then says: "Alright, you're on."
The guys pops out his left eye, wich is made of glass, bites it, pops it back in, and grabs the money off the bar, he walks to the back of the bar and starts playing darts.
The bartender is still steaming about one hour later, when the guy walks back and says: "Ha, ha, I got you last time, but I have been thinking that I gotta give you a chance to get your money back"
The bartender asks: "Oh, yeah? What do you have in mind?"
The guy says: "Double or nothing I can bite myself in the other eye"
The bartender saw the guy playing darts, so he knew the other eye had to be real, thinking that this time he couldn't lose, he plops $100 down on the bar.
The guy pops out his dentures, bites himself on the right eye, and pops the dentures back in his mouth, he grabs the money, orders more beer and goes back to his dart game.
Needless to say, the bartender was furious, but he couldn't say anything because he lost fair and square.
By the end of the night, the guy was pretty drunk, staggering around the bar having conversations with everyone.
He finally stumbles to the bar around 2 A.M. and says: "Hey, bartender, I got one last bet for you. You can get your money back and more"
The bartender is wary, but he asks: "Oh yeah? What is it this time?"
The guy takes out $500 and puts it on the bar, and says:
"I can stand on one end of the bar, and you put a shot glass on the other end, and I will piss into it, without spilling a single drop."
The bartender looks at him and laughs: "Are you crazy? That's a 40 foot Oak bar, you can never do that, you'll never even reach!"
The guy jumps up on the bar, pulls down his pants, and yells: "Alright then, put the shotglass down and we'll see!"
The bartender takes the shotglass, puts it on the bar, and the guy proceeds to piss all over the bar, the floor, the wall, the barstools, but he never even comes close to the shotglass.
The bartender laughs, picks up his money, and starts wiping down the bar.
He's still laughing, and he asks the guy: "You dumb ****, you just lost $500, why are you laughing?"
The guy says: "You see that guy in the back? I bet him $2000 I could piss all over your bar and make you wipe it up with a smile on your face.
The bartender says, "I see you left your monkey home this time, uh?"
The guy says: "Yeah, he cost me a lot of money in damages last time I brought hime here. Give me a beer will you?"
The guy takes his beer and goes in the back. About ten minutes later he comes back to the bar.
The guy says: "Hey, bartender, are you a betting man by any chance?"
The bartender replies: "I've been known to make a bet or two."
The guy says: "Tell you what: I bet you $50 that I can bite my own eye."
The bartender scratches his head, slaps $50 on the counter,and looks at the guy, then says: "Alright, you're on."
The guys pops out his left eye, wich is made of glass, bites it, pops it back in, and grabs the money off the bar, he walks to the back of the bar and starts playing darts.
The bartender is still steaming about one hour later, when the guy walks back and says: "Ha, ha, I got you last time, but I have been thinking that I gotta give you a chance to get your money back"
The bartender asks: "Oh, yeah? What do you have in mind?"
The guy says: "Double or nothing I can bite myself in the other eye"
The bartender saw the guy playing darts, so he knew the other eye had to be real, thinking that this time he couldn't lose, he plops $100 down on the bar.
The guy pops out his dentures, bites himself on the right eye, and pops the dentures back in his mouth, he grabs the money, orders more beer and goes back to his dart game.
Needless to say, the bartender was furious, but he couldn't say anything because he lost fair and square.
By the end of the night, the guy was pretty drunk, staggering around the bar having conversations with everyone.
He finally stumbles to the bar around 2 A.M. and says: "Hey, bartender, I got one last bet for you. You can get your money back and more"
The bartender is wary, but he asks: "Oh yeah? What is it this time?"
The guy takes out $500 and puts it on the bar, and says:
"I can stand on one end of the bar, and you put a shot glass on the other end, and I will piss into it, without spilling a single drop."
The bartender looks at him and laughs: "Are you crazy? That's a 40 foot Oak bar, you can never do that, you'll never even reach!"
The guy jumps up on the bar, pulls down his pants, and yells: "Alright then, put the shotglass down and we'll see!"
The bartender takes the shotglass, puts it on the bar, and the guy proceeds to piss all over the bar, the floor, the wall, the barstools, but he never even comes close to the shotglass.
The bartender laughs, picks up his money, and starts wiping down the bar.
He's still laughing, and he asks the guy: "You dumb ****, you just lost $500, why are you laughing?"
The guy says: "You see that guy in the back? I bet him $2000 I could piss all over your bar and make you wipe it up with a smile on your face.
