Spankbelly;2144633; said:
That's good advise to help Dylan's friend. But not necessarily good for Dylan.
Dylan is free to live his own life. He is not responsible for the decisions of others. It is not fair to tell him to not EVER give up on someone.
Dylan needs to decide what the limits are.
His friend dresses odd. So what? No big deal. Maybe the friendship is worth more than that.
His friend would rather screw around than study. So what? As long as Dylan says "Well you do what you want, I've got work to do."
What if this friend gets involved in more self destructive behavior?
Like drugs, violence, crime...
Where is the line? How much is Dylan responsible for?
I am not saying Dylan should or shouldn't dump his buddy now or ever.
I am saying Dylan has the right to decide his own limits. And his own direction.
Dylan is not responsible for the choices of anyone besides Dylan.
Don't be giving him guilt he did not earn.
Don't be telling him he must always stand beside his buddy, no matter what crap is going down.
Dylan must draw his own line.
Dylan, you have one life. It does not belong to your mother. It does not belong to your friend. Live it any way you want.
To reach the shores of whatever lands you seek, you will have occasion to decide who comes along for the ride. And who get's chucked overboard to keep the whole ship from sinking.
If he is worth having on your crew, then keep him.
If he becomes lost and you can redirect him without loosing yourself, do so.
If he insists on drowning, let him go.
His life is made of his choices.
If his destination lays along a different heading, why keep both ships lashed together forever?
I absolutely agree - with both your posts Spank.
I think your mother's delivery of that message may have come off shallow, and a bit cold, but perhaps if you sat down and talked to her about her thoughts, and reasoning, and concerns, you might see it a little differently.
I had "that" friend before who I loved dearly, and did everything with. She started off fine but as we grew and went into high school, she became promiscuous, started smoking, experimenting with drugs, cutting class, etc., etc., etc....
For the longest time none of this phased me, I was like "ok whatever, that's just Jennifer." But it worried my parent's (and her's, make no mistake!), and several times she was brought up as the topic of serious discussions, and my parent's urged me to take some space from her, find myself, and focus on what I needed to be focusing on, instead of her.
Of course at that age I took it like a personal attack on me "My parents hate me, they don't want me to be happy, They control my life, blaa blaa blaa"...yea, No.
I argued, blamed them for wanting to pull us apart, and ran the whole marathon time and time again, when really, my parent's only wanted me to see what they saw from the outside looking in, which was me, always giving, and her, now always taking. But I didn't listen, so it went on for another year and then I had to learn the hard way on my own how she had become. I had to make that choice to cut her out of my life when she betrayed me and lied to me and made me look like a fool in front of everyone...It hurt so bad, but it was my choice to make and I had blinded myself to it before.
It's your choice to make too. But you need to make it for you, talk to your mom and ask her if there is more that concerns her, or that she has noticed outside of simple appearances. She may be seeing a trend that you simply cannot at this point because you are so emotionally invested.
No one can make that choice for you, but you owe it to yourself to be informed and take in the whole picture before throwing your guard up.
he's probably a doctor or sumtin now 
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