I need help. My wife has been dealling with depression for three years and she refused to take her Rx.(not so much noncompliance, just how she is) It's affecting out relationship, our daughter and she doesnt keep friends for more than a few months. I've tried being supportive and i've tried threatening to leave her and i cant seem to talk her into taking her Rx so i was wondering if anyone had any ideas, or tips for handeling the situation without meds. No one i know has had to go through this. I vowed 'for better or worse' and im going to stick in there till i get the 'better'. Im a happy, funny personality and now it seems everything i do makes her mad. i've had to change myself to keep daily life running smoothly and still i catch hell. I need help on how to approach the situation. She's had a rough childhood so talking about her feelings and all huggy affectionate crap wont work. its more like dealing with a guy who wont talk about it
Anyone deal with depression on a spouse?
- Thread starter Doradid
- Start date
First thing don't make threats. And don't blame her or make her feel guilty for her depression. Also, don't blame yourself either. What people with depression need to understand is its something that is part of life. People struggle with it cause they fight it. Acceptance and allowing the feelings to come and go is the best way. You have to live life with the depression there.
Everybody gets depressed from time to time. Clinical depression is harder to deal with, this is what it sounds like your wife has. The advice I have to offer is you need to pay attention to the circumstances and situations that trigger the depression. Change the circumstances and try to avoid those situations that trigger the depression as well.
To be honest I do not believe in medications. I do not believe depression is a chemical imbalance. It's almost always circumstantial and situational.
But medications can help some people. Being more active and have a better diet that will be more beneficial in my opinion.
Everybody gets depressed from time to time. Clinical depression is harder to deal with, this is what it sounds like your wife has. The advice I have to offer is you need to pay attention to the circumstances and situations that trigger the depression. Change the circumstances and try to avoid those situations that trigger the depression as well.
To be honest I do not believe in medications. I do not believe depression is a chemical imbalance. It's almost always circumstantial and situational.
But medications can help some people. Being more active and have a better diet that will be more beneficial in my opinion.
Hey bud, im a full time carer for my GF for the very same reason, wish i could help but i will state that meds are good for nothing, they mask underlying issues that need to be dealt with sober, my gf was either zombie or ted bundy with no in between emotion, i persevered and now things are on stable ground. i really wish i knew how to help any further than that. Feel free to PM me if you wanna chat mate.
this is going to sound really nasty, but growing up with my mum constantly down and then later on myself i have learnt that people can only b helped if they want to help themselves.
i know thats not advice but just something to bear in mind.
x
i know thats not advice but just something to bear in mind.
x
I find that when the person that is depressed has a good day it is a good day to talk. Yes it may ruin the day but fixing the problem while it is happening is even harder.
Open communication and understanding the core reasons and triggers will help.
Best of luck. It takes a strong person to stick it out and I hope in the end you get the results you need for both of you.
Open communication and understanding the core reasons and triggers will help.
Best of luck. It takes a strong person to stick it out and I hope in the end you get the results you need for both of you.
Doradid, shoot me a PM if you want to.
My husband attempted suicide after we had been married 1 year and 1 month. The first 1.5 years that followed that were the worst months of my life. I am a perpetually happy person and I honestly believed that actually aggravated Mike's condition.
I too am of the plan "I married you for life, not for now". Our marriage fell apart and it fell apart fast. He begged me to leave him telling me how terrible of a husband he was and how I deserved better than a low life bum like him. I loved and still love that man with all my heart. To see him thinking so poorly of himself was brutal. My husband is the most caring, giving and dedicated person you could ever meet. He is brilliant, talented, gifted and all anyone could ever ask for in a spouse. He isn't capable of malice. His depression caused him to do things that had pretty serious ramifications for us. None of his poor choices were done out of malice, but the ill effects were not minor.
For me to be constantly forgiving him and thinking "Its the disease not him that is doing this" was tearing at me. And it tore at us. Our marriage was in trouble.
Sounds like yours is too. I begged and pleaded for us to go to a marriage counselor. He was already seeing a counselor both in private and in a group setting and he didn't want to go a 3rd time a week. He also beleived (falsely) that a marriage counselors job was to stop the wars in a failing marriage and allow the divorce to be amicable. That isn't true. What the marriage counselor did for us (we saw her for about 6 months) was to teach both of us what our jobs where. I learned that I often stepped out of my role of loving wife and into the role of "care giver/doctor/ decision maker" and that he instantly fell into the role of "patient" when I did it. The counselor taught us to treat each other as spouses and not as patient/Dr.
I firmly believe that it not only saved our marriage but that t also saved Mike's life. As recently as 2 years ago I fully believed he would kill himself in as little 5 years. I no longer believe that. My husband is healthy again. Its not been an easy fight. And we have setbacks.
My advise for you: get a marriage counselor and together talk about what is happening. If the counselor says to your wife, you need to be seeing someone else on the side (with out you there) then do it. Having the marriage counselor point out the effects of meds on both you and your child might encourage her to take them.
My husband attempted suicide after we had been married 1 year and 1 month. The first 1.5 years that followed that were the worst months of my life. I am a perpetually happy person and I honestly believed that actually aggravated Mike's condition.
I too am of the plan "I married you for life, not for now". Our marriage fell apart and it fell apart fast. He begged me to leave him telling me how terrible of a husband he was and how I deserved better than a low life bum like him. I loved and still love that man with all my heart. To see him thinking so poorly of himself was brutal. My husband is the most caring, giving and dedicated person you could ever meet. He is brilliant, talented, gifted and all anyone could ever ask for in a spouse. He isn't capable of malice. His depression caused him to do things that had pretty serious ramifications for us. None of his poor choices were done out of malice, but the ill effects were not minor.
For me to be constantly forgiving him and thinking "Its the disease not him that is doing this" was tearing at me. And it tore at us. Our marriage was in trouble.
Sounds like yours is too. I begged and pleaded for us to go to a marriage counselor. He was already seeing a counselor both in private and in a group setting and he didn't want to go a 3rd time a week. He also beleived (falsely) that a marriage counselors job was to stop the wars in a failing marriage and allow the divorce to be amicable. That isn't true. What the marriage counselor did for us (we saw her for about 6 months) was to teach both of us what our jobs where. I learned that I often stepped out of my role of loving wife and into the role of "care giver/doctor/ decision maker" and that he instantly fell into the role of "patient" when I did it. The counselor taught us to treat each other as spouses and not as patient/Dr.
I firmly believe that it not only saved our marriage but that t also saved Mike's life. As recently as 2 years ago I fully believed he would kill himself in as little 5 years. I no longer believe that. My husband is healthy again. Its not been an easy fight. And we have setbacks.
My advise for you: get a marriage counselor and together talk about what is happening. If the counselor says to your wife, you need to be seeing someone else on the side (with out you there) then do it. Having the marriage counselor point out the effects of meds on both you and your child might encourage her to take them.
I agree with Chloe, but I'll take it one step farther...
If your wife is depressed, there are only a few things you can do. One is to put up with it and make yourself miserable. This will suck the life out of you while you constantly chase the good day. You will never know what sort of day you're in for, and you will constantly live your life hoping that it will miracle itself better. It won't.
The second option is to set 2 feet on the ground, get up, and do what's best for the both of you. Get her treatment. If she isn't going to get treatment and stick with it, then you quickly exhaust your options and you're at either 1 or 3. But remember this - she isn't an invalid that you have to care for and make all of her decisions. If she chooses not to be treated, that's fine. That's her choice.... but there are consequences. And that consequence could be you leaving.
The last option is to pack up and get out now. It's not pleasant, it's not pretty, and it's not a good choice unless you've exhausted your other options. I wish you the best of luck. Sounds like you'll need it.
If your wife is depressed, there are only a few things you can do. One is to put up with it and make yourself miserable. This will suck the life out of you while you constantly chase the good day. You will never know what sort of day you're in for, and you will constantly live your life hoping that it will miracle itself better. It won't.
The second option is to set 2 feet on the ground, get up, and do what's best for the both of you. Get her treatment. If she isn't going to get treatment and stick with it, then you quickly exhaust your options and you're at either 1 or 3. But remember this - she isn't an invalid that you have to care for and make all of her decisions. If she chooses not to be treated, that's fine. That's her choice.... but there are consequences. And that consequence could be you leaving.
The last option is to pack up and get out now. It's not pleasant, it's not pretty, and it's not a good choice unless you've exhausted your other options. I wish you the best of luck. Sounds like you'll need it.
kdrun76 has a good point there.
this may sound stupid but is she suicidal? not a nice thought i know, but, and iv never admitted this to anyone, but from the ages of 8-17 i was constantly under supervision because i would attempt to kill myself at any given chance. my mum removed all knives/medicines/ropes basically anything that could harm me from the house.
she took away my house key so all i could do was go to grandmas as she was always in. i would be taken and picked up from school.
she would sit with me while i had a bath.
i was never alone.
now i understand this isnt the way to go lol but if it gets to that, always make sure there is someone to help her and is around.
as what everyone else says, u need to find the core of the problem and work from there. it will b hard but worth it when shes back to normal (that sounds awful putting someone in to a 'normal' category')
x
this may sound stupid but is she suicidal? not a nice thought i know, but, and iv never admitted this to anyone, but from the ages of 8-17 i was constantly under supervision because i would attempt to kill myself at any given chance. my mum removed all knives/medicines/ropes basically anything that could harm me from the house.
she took away my house key so all i could do was go to grandmas as she was always in. i would be taken and picked up from school.
she would sit with me while i had a bath.
i was never alone.
now i understand this isnt the way to go lol but if it gets to that, always make sure there is someone to help her and is around.
as what everyone else says, u need to find the core of the problem and work from there. it will b hard but worth it when shes back to normal (that sounds awful putting someone in to a 'normal' category')
x