Anyone deal with depression on a spouse?
- Thread starter Doradid
- Start date
I'm sorry you have to deal with this. I've delt with depression off and on since I was a teenager and my husband is an Iraq vet who came home severely depressed (among other things). It's definatly not an easy road but that doesn't mean that things won't get better.
I would definatly suggest counsling. Either her going individually or marriage or both. Sometimes when dealing with someone in that situation they have to hit rock bottom before they will get help. It took me forever to talk my husband into going into counsling but it really helped. He stopped going before I would have liked but things have improved enough for him to be functional and for us to get along. We still hit snags now and then where one of us will get into a funk and make life miserable for a while but now that we are both aware of how we are and how to deal with it we help to snap each other out of it.
Some times meds do help too. If you could bargin (use any means possible) with her and get her to take the meds for a couple months that might even be enough to help, to remind her what it feels like to actually feel good and happy. When I was really depressed I didn't want to take meds either because I thought what I was feeling was meant to be. Like it was Gods will that I was miserable or something. Then it got to the point where I didn't want to live anymore, I couldn't function at work I was always crying or angry. I ended up giving in and going on meds for 4 months and was able to go off after that and I've been ok since. It was like I just needed something extra to snap me out of it. She needs help one way or another. Threaten to leave, tell her she's being a bad example for your kids, show her how hard this is being on the kids anything that might force her to get help. It's hard but it's for the best if she'll finally give in and do something about the problem. If you can't get her help of some sort I think things will likely just get worse and worse.
I would definatly suggest counsling. Either her going individually or marriage or both. Sometimes when dealing with someone in that situation they have to hit rock bottom before they will get help. It took me forever to talk my husband into going into counsling but it really helped. He stopped going before I would have liked but things have improved enough for him to be functional and for us to get along. We still hit snags now and then where one of us will get into a funk and make life miserable for a while but now that we are both aware of how we are and how to deal with it we help to snap each other out of it.
Some times meds do help too. If you could bargin (use any means possible) with her and get her to take the meds for a couple months that might even be enough to help, to remind her what it feels like to actually feel good and happy. When I was really depressed I didn't want to take meds either because I thought what I was feeling was meant to be. Like it was Gods will that I was miserable or something. Then it got to the point where I didn't want to live anymore, I couldn't function at work I was always crying or angry. I ended up giving in and going on meds for 4 months and was able to go off after that and I've been ok since. It was like I just needed something extra to snap me out of it. She needs help one way or another. Threaten to leave, tell her she's being a bad example for your kids, show her how hard this is being on the kids anything that might force her to get help. It's hard but it's for the best if she'll finally give in and do something about the problem. If you can't get her help of some sort I think things will likely just get worse and worse.
Sounds like your in a tough situation, but has your wife been to a therapist/psychiatrist (i'm presuming she has) but if she hasn't that may help her a bit if you can get her to go???
I've had a few friends who've had a few problems where they were clinically depressed and/or bipolar... neither cases are easy to deal with so i can only imagine what your going though, but talking to a psychiatrist definitely helped them in their cases...
I've had a few friends who've had a few problems where they were clinically depressed and/or bipolar... neither cases are easy to deal with so i can only imagine what your going though, but talking to a psychiatrist definitely helped them in their cases...
I had a breakdown early this year, I don't know whether it was depression or anxiety but I was prescribed anti-depressants. They worked really well although they can upset your stomach a bit. I took them for 5 months and apart from a couple of setbacks I am now completely better and off the meds. I think my breakdown was a result of having Swine Flu last year as I have never been depressed before. The tablets aren't all that nice to take but it's much better than feeling like you're going mad. I don't think counselling would have helped me at all. I hope your wife decides to take her meds and soon feels better. I refer to my breakdown as when I went off my head because that's what it felt like. If I ever feel it coming back again I will be straight back on the meds for as long as it takes.
no, she hasn't mentioned suicide. i'm not worried about it, she loves our daughter too much to do that to her. She went to a counselor/dr once and said she wouldnt go back. she said he went back to her childhood and she refuses to talk about it again. i've been doing some research and taking advice from others online and alot of the advice is similar to what ya'll are saying. i was dead set on the meds but i never took into consideration any other possibilities. sunday was one of the best days we have had in a long time and today was nice too. We took our daughter to the apt tennis court to ride her bike and my wife actually played along and even got on my 3year olds bike and acted goofy. (she never does that) we went to the mall and had fun. she smiled, laughed and seemed like her old self. i'm hoping this improves. thank you all so much for the advice. not many people like to talk about it or admit that it is part of their life so thank you again.
There are no two people and no two situations alike.
Mike realized he had a problem, went to a DR that prescribed him some meds and told him to see a therapist.
He went once, hated the guy and no amount of begging I did would get him to go back.
The Dr. wouldn''t renew the scrpits until he saw a therapist so he went off his meds. It is well known that stopping antidepressants can cause feelings of suicide. He had been off his meds about 3 weeks when he lost his job, came home wrote a note, called my cell to leave me a message and tried to kill himself.
He was already unstable, but the addition of a large event (loss of job) was more than he could handle. I honestly doubt he would have attempted suicide had he not lost his job.
My point: if your wife is unstable a large event may trigger much bigger problems. Pay attention to that.
Mike realized he had a problem, went to a DR that prescribed him some meds and told him to see a therapist.
He went once, hated the guy and no amount of begging I did would get him to go back.
The Dr. wouldn''t renew the scrpits until he saw a therapist so he went off his meds. It is well known that stopping antidepressants can cause feelings of suicide. He had been off his meds about 3 weeks when he lost his job, came home wrote a note, called my cell to leave me a message and tried to kill himself.
He was already unstable, but the addition of a large event (loss of job) was more than he could handle. I honestly doubt he would have attempted suicide had he not lost his job.
My point: if your wife is unstable a large event may trigger much bigger problems. Pay attention to that.
I think the biggest problem is trying to get her to see a therapist/psychiatrist to deal with her underlying problem, since it seems whatever happened in her childhood is whats really haunting her and getting her down???
I mean no one likes to see a therapist/psychiatrist but in some cases it has to be done coz the more you bury a problem, the more it eats at you...
Also as some one above mentioned, one big event could trigger a worst attack which i've seen first hand in one of my friends in the past and must say it wasn't pretty...
I mean no one likes to see a therapist/psychiatrist but in some cases it has to be done coz the more you bury a problem, the more it eats at you...
Also as some one above mentioned, one big event could trigger a worst attack which i've seen first hand in one of my friends in the past and must say it wasn't pretty...
Doradid;4505777; said:
Glad you had a good day. Keep in mind every therapist is different. Maybe she just got a bad one. Or maybe if she did go back should could tell them up front that she just wants to talk about her current problems and that her childhood is off limits for the timebeing. I've been to a couple different counslors. My first one sucked and the others were great.
My husband was severely abused when he was a child as well. So badly that 20 something years later his step dad is still in prison. Trust me you may have good days but you can't just slap a band aid on that kind of pain and you sure can't ignore it. Good luck to you guys!
