anyone with funny jokes??

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Gambusia
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Jul 26, 2005
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anybody have a funny joke?? im a little bored and cant find anything funny... the worlds funniest joke is lame... but here it is:

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy takes out his phone and calls the emergency services.

He gasps: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says: "Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a gunshot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says: "OK, now what?"

this was back in 2002
http://archives.cnn.com/2002/TECH/science/10/03/joke.funniest/index.html
 
a man who had been married for 30 years, came to find his wife was quite the one to complain and order him all around , so one day after seeing his sad life, he decided to get him self a Pet ..he walks in to the pet store and the clerk said may i help you. he said yes i would like a pet .... the clerk said ok how would you like a puppy , the man said on no i'd have to walk it and pick up after it, the clerk said well how about some fish, the man replied oh no to much work water changes , tank could leak etc no that will not do for me , the clerk said well i have one very special frog he cost 5000 dollars , the man said 5 grand , the clerk replied yet that frog gives the best head ever or your money back.. the man said OK ..takes the frog home , and sure enough it's true latter that night the mans wife comes home and see a big mess flour all over the house broken eggs shells split milk ,, She said to him what the hell is going on in here , he replied see that frog if i can teach her how to cook you are moving out
 
FishSkins;651541; said:
a man who had been married for 30 years, came to find his wife was quite the one to complain and order him all around , so one day after seeing his sad life, he decided to get him self a Pet ..he walks in to the pet store and the clerk said may i help you. he said yes i would like a pet .... the clerk said ok how would you like a puppy , the man said on no i'd have to walk it and pick up after it, the clerk said well how about some fish, the man replied oh no to much work water changes , tank could leak etc no that will not do for me , the clerk said well i have one very special frog he cost 5000 dollars , the man said 5 grand , the clerk replied yet that frog gives the best head ever or your money back.. the man said OK ..takes the frog home , and sure enough it's true latter that night the mans wife comes home and see a big mess flour all over the house broken eggs shells split milk ,, She said to him what the hell is going on in here , he replied see that frog if i can teach her how to cook you are moving out
Click to expand...

:ROFL: :ROFL: I heard that one before, but it was about a ferret!
 
a wife wakes up one night a feels the bed next to her is empty and cold. wondering where here husband could be she gets up and goes down stairs. she finds him stiing at the breakfast table in the kitchen. she watches him for a moment from the dark living room staring into a cup of coffee.

as she is about to turn around and go back to her comfortable bed, she sees her husband wipe away a tear running down his cheek.

"what's wrong honey?" she askes in a concerned voice.

he looks up at her all teary eyed and says," remember 20 years ago when your father caught us making out in the back of my van. and he said marry my daughter or go to jail?"

"yes, of course" said the wife, " i was so happy! but what's the matter?"

the husband looked her straight in the eyes, wiped away another tear and said, " I WOULD HAVE BEEN RELEASED TODAY"
 
heres one about country folk and technology... cute!
 
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