I think this paragraph: "Geographically speaking, we are starting small, but thinking big! The release of the new line of cereals will initially begin locally. We will start a revolution with this great tasting healthy cereal, and quickly expand."
could be reworded to give a more mom-n-pop feel to your company so people really understand that it's made by people who are the same as the people buying the cereal. Are you outdoorsy? Does the creator of the cereal hike or cycle? How many people work on making the product? What inspired you to make it?
Make people want to buy it because they want to support you also.
