Sorry you're going through such a tough time.
grief and then abuse on top of it. I'm so sorry. we can't fix it for you but maybe it helps to know there are people who actually empathise /care/feel bad for you.
Not walking in your shoes and knowing your whole situation can't offer advice
that's just not fair,
I'll just hope for you that your situation improves and that you can aviod conflict as much as possible although that is a lot to put on someone going through something like this
be well