Domestic issue

[js302]

I’ve got a 17yr old cousin staying at my place. He showed up one morning at 4am 2 weeks ago.
It’s starting to get a bit annoying.
He says he can’t go home because a gang is looking for him. He left home at 16 and has no GCSE (SAT?) qualifications and is not ambitious or motivated. He left home because he says he did not like it.
He is staying on my couch and playing my ps3 and watching TV till the early hours and it’s encroaching on my space. He uses my home phone a lot to call mobiles and it’s expensive.
When I get home the TV room smells like BO and it is not nice.
He says he’s getting an apartment from the council but I don’t see much progress.
I want him out.
Would you guys feel the same or should I be more sympathetic to family?

 

[Arachnar]

Even if he's a family member,kick his ass out onto the street,as he's obviously a bum and using you. So what if he's family and you share a few dismal genes,he's not contribting.

 

[jloos1988]

well, iv never had that problem as im only 19...but if i were you id sit him down and say "look i cant have you staying here, im gonna give u a week or two to find a place to stay then im gonna have to kick you out" its not fair for you, its your space dude. but it is family so give em time n make sure he feels like it

 

[js302]

thanks guys.
i know, it is possible to be tough on him and sympathetic right?

 

[Arachnar]

Yeah since your posting this i assume he still is close to you,but some tough love wouldn't hurt.

You could always say that the rival gang knows where he's staying ,that'd send him packing.

 

[Wolf3101]

Have you mentioned any of these problems to him? Give him a set of rules to follow....TV times....when he can play games and how long...along with a list of things to do around the house... daily shower...and he needs to look into getting his GED equivilancy. then give him the option...follow the rules (from the way things sound he won't like it a bit) or hit the road. (Most likely what he's going to do...but who knows...he might surprise you.)

This way you've given him a chance and made the decision to leave all his...If YOU toss him out he'll just keep going through life playing the professional victum...."OH woe is me...my cuz tossed me out....my folks suck....ECT.ECT."

 

[cichlaguapote]

As someone who could never kick a family member out, there needs to be an intervention.. a kind of talk either between the two of you or whole family + him to tell him you realize he's slacking and he needs to get his crap together.

 

[js302]

thing is - ive spoken to him and he says he cant leave (that was 1 week ago). he's quite scared of this gang. and thinks theyll find him anywhere but my place basically.

its cuz hes screwed up everywhere he's stayed and his working his way through family members and friends.

in terms of an intervention, its already happened.. its all or nothing now, he leaves, or i put up with it for his saftey.

and quite importantly, i dont know if any of what he says is true so he may be playing me for a fool...


i recommended a mentoring program and apprenticeship schemes that will help him out and get himself a job. but he says he wants to work in asda (walmart) stocking shelves.
he says he's been handing out cv's (resumes) but what qualifications has he got to write on a piece of paper?! (maybe that was a little harsh of me)


but what really gets me is that he's such a bad example for his 14yr old sweet little sister...

 

[davidefc]

same problem here but my brothers mate, he stayed with use for about 10months-I KNOW, but he did give people space, helped people around the house ect.
he left becuase hes dad beat him and kicked b/c he had a party. he didnt go in school after, he went in to the exams tho, he got a couple of gcse's. he just had alot of problems, someone was after him, do you no what he did.....went after him and beat the f**k out of him, haha
we paid for everythink for him for 10months-food and stuff like that cost quite abit overall.
but now my mum worked so hard to get him into college and he did and hes stayed in it too, he still comes round some times to talk to us and every time he thanks my mum for changes his life around completly. also his parents took him back. about the money thing he sould be getting atleast £60-80 a week.
personly i thing its not just kick him out its more helping him but i must warn ther like gypsys lol the take there time moving.
you should sit him down and tell him what he is, like a bum up to now and he should hate it. get him to help around teh house, get a job and try to make him re-sit some gcse's. about the gang thing why is he scared? its only a beating it happens to everyone. what did he do to them?
but seriously we are well of money wise so paying for another person, that 7 people wasnt that bad but i dont no you atall and it is very costly

 

[robkob]

Have you mentioned any of these problems to him? Give him a set of rules to follow....TV times....when he can play games and how long...along with a list of things to do around the house... daily shower...and he needs to look into getting his GED equivilancy...QUOTE]



If he is costing you a few bucks but you can afford it, then deal with it. Family is the most important thing in life.

I'd let him stay, unless he was stealing from me or something like that. A little kindness goes a long way in this crazy world. (And I personally could use a few days of pergatory credit.)

Hopefully Repair will chime in. I like reading his advice on these kind of issues...