Domestic issue

  • We are currently upgrading MFK. thanks! -neo
js302;1201671; said:
thing is - ive spoken to him and he says he cant leave (that was 1 week ago). he's quite scared of this gang. and thinks theyll find him anywhere but my place basically.

its cuz hes screwed up everywhere he's stayed and his working his way through family members and friends.

in terms of an intervention, its already happened.:irked:. its all or nothing now, he leaves, or i put up with it for his saftey.

and quite importantly, i dont know if any of what he says is true so he may be playing me for a fool...


i recommended a mentoring program and apprenticeship schemes that will help him out and get himself a job. but he says he wants to work in asda (walmart) stocking shelves.
Click to expand...


Short of reinforcing over and over and pretty much becoming a bug about him getting stuff together or finding another relative/place for him to stay I don't know what I'd do. I see the concern he does need to get moving but I couldn't kick family out. If the gang were real and something were to happen I'd personally feel really bad.
 
Theres a vast differance between having a problem and taking advantage of a situation. What he see's as a huge problem is really bieng used as an excuse to basicly do what he wants and get away with it. He needs help realizing this and basicly getting his collective fish waste together...

Hes at that age where he thinks the entire world revolves around him and he can't see how it effects others.

6 hours of household chores = 1 hour PSP OR 3 hours of TV. Suddenly...finding a new situation becomes much more importiant when it's less comfortable.

Be a careing family member but NOT a free ride.
 
js302;1201588; said:
I’ve got a 17yr old cousin staying at my place. He showed up one morning at 4am 2 weeks ago.
It’s starting to get a bit annoying.
He says he can’t go home because a gang is looking for him. He left home at 16 and has no GCSE (SAT?) qualifications and is not ambitious or motivated. He left home because he says he did not like it.
He is staying on my couch and playing my ps3 and watching TV till the early hours and it’s encroaching on my space. He uses my home phone a lot to call mobiles and it’s expensive.
When I get home the TV room smells like BO and it is not nice.
He says he’s getting an apartment from the council but I don’t see much progress.
I want him out.
Would you guys feel the same or should I be more sympathetic to family?
Click to expand...


I had a feind that was acutally working a fulltime job adn told him to hit it :) he needed to take responsibility for his actions and my house was not his free place to stay so he could blow his money on crap that wasn't getting him out of my house :) He lived in a trailer outside someone elses house for 6 mos before he decided it was time to get busy :0

We are still best friends :) Though if he would have satyed and i wouldn't have booted him..We likely wouldn't be :)

That was after two weeks of being at my house :)
 
jloos1988;1202261; said:
i think theres a differance in a free ride and his life, if his cousins life is indeed at stake...hes family for christ sakes!! i dunno about u guys but all my cousins are like brothers to me. :)
Click to expand...


I house no one that is endangering my kids ! I am a retired gang member and you know what.. NO PUNK is going to stay at my house for long hiding out raising my bills without getting a job! And paying his free loadin way.. Family or not GET A JOB AND HELP ME PAY FOR YOU Hole :) But you know what brothers help hold up there own flesh :)
Oh And if I have to drag you to the shower.. It's gonna hurt friend or not :)
 
It sounds like he needs some tough love. I wouldn't be all that sympathetic. It sounds like a lot of the problems facing him are ones that he has brought on to himself. And if he's spending his time sitting on your couch, eating your food, watching TV and not even bothering to shower (may be a shot in the dark, but most people who clean themselves don't make a whole room reek like BO) then he isn't exactly motivated to do something about those problems. If you think this whole gang thing is true, you've gotta let him stay or find him another safe place to go. Otherwise, how will you feel if you boot him out and they find his body under a bridge? You have to talk to him though. He is hiding from his problems and sounds perfectly content to leech off you in the meantime. Give him a timelimit - a specific one - for when he needs to get a job. Make sure it's achievable, though.

Jessie*
 
even tho he's a family member, if he does not respect u or ur home, get rid of him!! there's only so much crap u can take!
 
js302;1201671; said:
thing is - ive spoken to him and he says he cant leave (that was 1 week ago). he's quite scared of this gang. and thinks theyll find him anywhere but my place basically.

its cuz hes screwed up everywhere he's stayed and his working his way through family members and friends.

in terms of an intervention, its already happened.:irked:. its all or nothing now, he leaves, or i put up with it for his saftey.

and quite importantly, i dont know if any of what he says is true so he may be playing me for a fool...


i recommended a mentoring program and apprenticeship schemes that will help him out and get himself a job. but he says he wants to work in asda (walmart) stocking shelves.
he says he's been handing out cv's (resumes) but what qualifications has he got to write on a piece of paper?! (maybe that was a little harsh of me)


but what really gets me is that he's such a bad example for his 14yr old sweet little sister...
Click to expand...

If he was so afraid of some gang he would get moving to make it right so he could stay... let him stock shelves for now..work on the rest later.. he needs to be making some money and showing you he wants help.. your not helping him letting him take avantage of your kindness..he needs to hear some rules and regulations and firmness that you will stand by him but only after he makes some effort to improve his life.. that will help his sister too..
 
thanks for all the help guys.
i'm taking everything you say into account and coming up with a decision.

1) i'm gonna be patient - its family.
2) Its true that even if he's not contributing financialy, 6hrs of chors = 2hrs ps3. i'll make him help out more (and insist on showering)
3) im going to give him a time limit, maybe till the end of the month. and help him find other places to stay.

i dont have any idea what he did to the gang and he will not tell me. i dont know if was serious or not. is his life in danger? i have no idea. and this is what makes me have to be welcoming towards him - or does it?!

acdemically, i know that you cant force someone to study, its like u'll just make him not want to even more. i think that the harsh reality is that someone has to want to advance academically personally, or they never will.

thanks guys, keep ur advice comming...
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
MonsterFishKeepers.com
Top Bottom