Agreed. Overfeeding is a FAR greater problem than the brand that one chooses to feed their fish. Most of the more well known brands of commercial food on the market will get the job done, and keep most species in fairly good overall health. Nutrient wise are some better than others? Absolutely, no doubt in my mind, but that's a whole nuther discussion.
With regards to soybean meal - for the most part the problem with soybean meal is that it is terrestrial based plant matter, and like all terrestrial based plant matter in the *raw* form it contains a significant amount of anti-nutritional matter, such as trypsin inhibitors, saponins, phytoestrogens, glucinins, goitrogens, lectins, etc. Having said that, most if not all of these anti-nutritional factors can be greatly reduced (possibly even completely inactivated) via heat when extruding/processing the raw ingredients.
The same anti-nutitional matter can be found in uncooked green peas, as well as most other terrestrial based plant matter - it's not just soybeans. Which is why I have always recommended that one should NOT feed raw peas to their fish on a regular basis, just as in the case of soybeans - there are healthier alternatives for fish.
There are also better "soybean" alternatives, such as soybean isolate, and/or soybean concentrate as these forms of plant protein do not contain any of the anti-nutritional matter that is typically found in soybean meal. The problem is they are a LOT more expensive so most fish food manufacturers opt for the lower cost soybean meal.
Having said all that, generally speaking the presence of untreated terrestrial based plant matter normally results in anorexia, reduced growth and overall poor feed efficiency when used at high dietary concentrations. For review see NRC (1983), Hendricks & Bailey (1989) and Lovell (1989) More info in the following link:
http://www.fao.org/ag/AGA/AGAP/FRG/AFRIS/Data/736.HTM
A lot of the problems associated with feeding soybean meal will largely depend on the source of that soybean meal, and how it has been processed prior to your fish consuming it.
If you are not seeing the types of health issues previously mentioned in your fish, chances are the quantity, or quality (as in how the food has been processed) is probably not an issue in the brand of food that you are currently feeding.
HTH