Fish Keeping for Dum Dums...

[FINWIN]

This thread is in honor of dummy fishkeepers everywhere that post brainless, useless topics that have no solution. Feel free to add to this list as needed.

"My Oscars and black moors have big, ball shaped eyes that stick out....could it be popeye? HELP!!"
"My needlefish are too thin and skinny. Should I fatten them up with lots of food? HELP!!"
"My Dovii is outgrowing my 55...does he have a gland disorder? HELP!!"
"My white Vieja has lost color and gone pale. HELP!!"
"Something's wrong. I can see the insides of my glass catfish. HELP!!"
"My Dat has these wide dark areas going up and down. Are those bruises? HELP!!"
"My 60 gallon tall tank is 9" wide. My Texas and Jack Dempsey can't turn around. Are their backs broken? HELP!!"
"My Snowball Pleco is covered in white spots. Is it Ick? HELP!!"
"My red finned shark has fins that are turning RED. Is it bacterial infection? HELP!!"
"My flowerhorn has a head all swole...is it a brain tumor? HELP!!"
"My fish seem to be swimming all over the tank in no particular pattern. They go up and down then side to side. Then they turn around. Is it whirling disease? HELP!!"
"My blue texas is really Blue. Does this mean he's depressed and needs a friend? HELP!!"

 

[Fishyboy🐟🐟🐟]

This thread is in honor of dummy fishkeepers everywhere that post brainless, useless topics that have no solution. Feel free to add to this list as needed.

"My Oscars and black moors have big, ball shaped eyes that stick out....could it be popeye? HELP!!"
"My needlefish are too thin and skinny. Should I fatten them up with lots of food? HELP!!"
"My Dovii is outgrowing my 55...does he have a gland disorder? HELP!!"
"My white Vieja has lost color and gone pale. HELP!!"
"Something's wrong. I can see the insides of my glass catfish. HELP!!"
"My Dat has these wide dark areas going up and down. Are those bruises? HELP!!"
"My 60 gallon tall tank is 9" wide. My Texas and Jack Dempsey can't turn around. Are their backs broken? HELP!!"
"My Snowball Pleco is covered in white spots. Is it Ick? HELP!!"
"My red finned shark has fins that are turning RED. Is it bacterial infection? HELP!!"
"My flowerhorn has a head all swole...is it a brain tumor? HELP!!"
"My fish seem to be swimming all over the tank in no particular pattern. They go up and down then side to side. Then they turn around. Is it whirling disease? HELP!!"
"My blue texas is really Blue. Does this mean he's depressed and needs a friend? HELP!!"

View attachment 1521777

Lol true tho

 

[Fish rescue]

Yup Thug trolls true that lol , it's not that bad on mfk though

 

[esoxlucius]

Well those questions sure have me stumped! Let's hope that some of the more experienced members will chime in and answer a few of those juicy points, lol.

 

[FINWIN]

"My catfish has these long things sticking out of his face! Is it bone? Will he need surgery? HELP!!"

"My copper goldfish has a rusty brown color all over his scales. Is it velvet? HELP!!"

"My rays are all flat and stay at the bottom! Do they have swim bladder disease? HELP!!"

"My Puffer fish swells up a lot. Is there too much salt in my water? HELP!!"

"My pink tailed Chalceus stays at the top all the time. Does he have gas? HELP!!"

"My upside down catfish keeps tumbling over. Could there be an electric short in the tank? HELP!!"

"Take a look at my short body Fire Eel. Does he appear stunted? HELP!!"

"Got a nice size Arapaima in a 180 long but all he does is curl up at the bottom and lay there. What am I doing wrong? Water is clean, filter is clean. HELP!!"

 

[Redshark1]

My Clown Loaches are not growing they are only 4 inches in length, they are 12 years old and their tank is 3ft. HELP!

(true story)

 

[krichardson]

Well I didn't read the entire list but the question about the the wide dark areas on a dat sure caught my attention LOL.....anyhow,was there something on there about the folks who ask for advice in multiple threads yet don't seem to accept any that is given??

 

[A201]

Although valid concerns, any questions related to sick Bettas, sick Dwarf Gouramis, anything Glofish, Neon Tetra disease, Oscars suffering from Hexamita & Ich catastrophes. Oh yeah, a few more. Anything Nano tank, Dwarf African Frogs, Crawdads & Shrimp.
A cup of coffee would be good now. A little grumpy this morning.

 

[jjohnwm]

"I've had my Peacock Bass for almost 2 hours but he hasn't eaten anything yet. I've tried pellets, flakes, frozen brine shrimp, frozen bloodworms, freeze-dried tubifex, live nightcrawlers, guppies, crickets, nori wafers, chopped zucchini and lasagna, but he just cowers in the corner. Should I force-feed him? HELP!"

"My swordtails keep jumping out of their tank. I've picked four of them off the floor just this morning. Should I cover the tank? HELP!"

"My RO unit has turned my tapwater into practically distilled water, so I've started using a re-mineralizing supplemental additive to replenish valuable minerals and elements, but now my water reads the same as it did out of the tap! Should I run it through the RO unit again??? HELP!"

"Can somebody look over the 18th revision of my planned stocklist for me? My tank has been cycling since yesterday, so I want to buy some fish today; if it matters, my tank is a 20-gallon, but it's the long version. I'm not sure if I should buy the Redtail Cat or the Arapaima first. My wallet is vibrating in my pocket so hard that it's wearing a hole in my pants! HELP!"

"I've been keeping fish all my life so I don't want to hear any crap about too crowded, too small, wrong conditions or any of that stuff. I know what I'm doing. I just need to know what these weird white spots on my guppies are. My research indicates that it's either the Borneo Death Virus or an infection of Venezuelan Mange Worms; how do you tell them apart? Remember...don't talk down to me! I'm an expert!"

"I don't understand why I should change my water; I can still see some of the fish. And I have a filter!"

"I don't believe anything you guys are telling me! I heard somewhere......."

"I just bought this fish today. I have no idea what it is; my LFS is located in a completely dead zone where there is no cell service so I couldn't look up any info, and if I stepped outside somebody else might have bought it; just couldn't take that chance. What does it eat? How big does it get? What water conditions would be best: fresh or marine? If I get another one and breed them, how much will the babies be worth? How fast do they grow? HELP!"


And now...drum roll, please...the number 1 goofiness seen here over and over:

"I am planning on buying/building an 800-gallon aquarium later this year; I currently have a 10-gallon tank. If I buy this irresistible little Redtail Catfish that I saw in the LFS, will he be fine in there until I finish the big tank?"

Yup Thug trolls true that lol , it's not that bad on mfk though

Relatively speaking, probably not...but still...

 

[scalareson]

Sadly the frustrated q&a that sprouts from these types of questions seems to make up like 90% of the traffic on many aquarium forums. It makes browsing them really not worth it in a way, only so much wanton suffering and death one can read about in one sitting. I especially feel for the Bettas, as they seem to be the victim of brainless fishkeeping the raw majority of the time.

My personal favorite is a long the lines of

"I bought a new 5 gallon bowl with a Betta and proceeded to set it up, dump a gallon of chemicals in, and immediately throw the fish in the tank. No I don't have a water testing kit and I don't know what dechlorinator is. I believe fully that my willingness to throw $$$ at useless aquarium fads will make my fish thrive. My Betta won't move and is lying on the bottom of the tank. DO I NEED TO BUY EVEN MORE CHEMICALS/GADGETS TO MAKE HIM SWIM AND ACT NORMAL?"

Over and over again.