How far would you go for a friend?

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mshill90

Feeder Fish
MFK Member
Nov 4, 2009
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Mechanicsburg, PA
I've been friends with this girl since I was in middle school.. so for like 10 years now. She always made sure everything was perfect, she aspired to be a model, and she had really set high goals for herself.

Well, she ended up taking a turn for the worse. She dropped out in 9th grade, and was just a mooch off of the govt for social security, as she "claimed" she was "sick". She has bi-polar, but then she also played it up and said she had post traumatic stress disorder. She never said from what.

Over the years, our friendship has been back and forth. Simply because I really disagree with the choices that she had made in her life.

2 years back she was at my home, and I woke up in the middle of the night to find her sitting at my kitchen table carving words into her skin. Her legs are covered in self inflicted cuts and words. But I told her that I was calling the cops, and that I was going to admit her into a ward for help.

She threw herself on the floor, and started kicking and screaming like a 5 yr old who doesn't get their own way. I leaned down to grab her, and she kicked me in the stomach; ultimately causing my miscarriage. The cops came and I had to go to the hospital to sign her in.. they wouldn't admit her in because she lied and said they were accidental. Screwy, I know. :screwy:

However, despite the circumstances, we remained friends. I have watched her go from bad to worse, to rock bottom.

I recently found out that she's an alcoholic, and addicted to oxy's. She's only 21. She just left her bf at the end of August, and now, she's engaged and moving to Texas to be with some 18 yr old kid that she's never met, and has only known for 2 weeks. All of her friends are congratulating her, when I'm the only one saying "you need to go to rehab, and not worry about being with someone right now."

I've now been told by all of her friends that I am bringing her down, and that she's happy, and I should be happy for her. That this is good for her.

She herself has told me that the reason we have never been close is because I always have something rude to say about her life choices... drugs, alcohol... this is something to be ok with?

At what point do you just say "F it", and walk the other way? Should I be at this point? I can't help but be upset because when all of her other friends fail to be there for her, it's always me she comes running too. :(
 
Walk away. She isn't a friend and never will be. At some point in life, people learn that friends are normal and that drama is for kids. You have lost enough already and have no business anywhere near her. Get out while you can.
 
In all honesty it sounds like your a great person but people have to want to change for themselves and you cant do it for them. Life is all about making descions and learning each and every day. I know you care about this person but this is something she has to go through by herself.


I was dating a girl once and found out she was getting in to drugs when she wasnt around me (cocaine, weed, you name it)...I got out of that relationship and realized i couldnt change her ways.


Trust me, it sucks but its def for the best! Didn't mean to rant, just my thoughts



Stay Positive!!!!

-Josh
 
I've always attempted to help friends as they spiral downhill. I always ask my self "Do they understand what I am trying to tell them?" If so, I did what I could do and at this point, I am only enabling them as well as hurting myself by letting their problems get in my way. If she doesn't understand what you are saying, you can only try to see things from her perspective and think of a way to explain it apart from how you want, but as to how she would best hear it. Also, sometimes friends can be too stubborn to ever listen. At that point, it's best to leave her, she will have to figure out on her own. If she does, and you are a good friend, she will come back to you. If not, that is just the way it is.

I have been through this about a dozen times. I've had a few friends just completely spiral downhill into drug problems and others rebound and find me and thank me for trying to help them. And occasionally, a friend may claim that they are on track, but in reality just go right back to where they were.

After ten years of being friends, you should really be able to make an accurate judgement call, you just need to think back on all of the time you have known her and look at the patterns and possible evolution/de-evolution of your friend over the years.
 
Based on your situation i probably would have bailed out a long time ago...

I've had a lot of friends i've known for well over a decade and a few have had their share of problems from family to drugs and beyond... when i was younger i had more patience to deal with people and would 99% of the time help them out to the very end...

But as i have learnt over the years of helping people out, there are some people that just cannot be helped no matter how hard you try... if the person doesn't want to admit / face they have a problem and doesn't want to resolve it then no amount of help from you or any one else is going to change them... they are set in the their ways and think what they do is right... so from there all you can do is wish them luck and walk away...
 
if she is a true friend to begin with you would love her like family. treat her like a sister or family member. sounds like shes gonna be in and out of serious trouble her whole life. there needs to be a constant possitive in her life, not meaning you are the enabler. but she needs somebody in her life to set her straight. she might not like the support you give her, or the constant critisism but thats our job as real friends. imo a real friend doesnt run away when things get tough. i understand all the pain she has cause you. i would still be there for her and 1 day as she gets older you can actualy save her life. i have a sister that fits that mold exactly. shes 30 now and after all these years i finnaly got her on meds, a schedule, and you can see how special she is. its hard, its ruff, youl go through hell and hell some more. but if you really love this person youl keep trying. let me know if you need more help. im very very experienced with this type of person. good luck to you !
 
my view on this whole situation is you tried your best and and she won't listen. i would walk away i had a friend that did the exact same thing and you can't change them they may learn when you are gone that something is wrong,or not
 
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