I need help with my BF mother....

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petspoiler said:
well, there ya go.
The mom obviously has felt that she had to keep him safe & monitor him his whole life. Do you really know what his behaviors were in the past when things didn't go "as planned"?
You may have no idea how much 'management' was required in improvements over last year.
There is no "the kind" of autism or other functional disorders, every person and case is different.

Mom probably figures it will all end up on her plate, not yours, if he is overwhelmed & comes unraveled.
and she may be correct, if there is a question as to whether or not he is capable of independent living.
Not every 19 yr old person has the same life skills. Mom could have a conservatorship on him, due to disability.

I don't know, just throwing out thoughts.
Try communicating with her about all this. Sorry, but IMO it is irresponsible to bring his situation onto a public forum, for input from a bunch of totally clueless and uninvolved people.
He has a support system, and you are new on the scene.
My advice is either plug in to it, or pull out.
Everybody has to do a lot of readjusting in order to add a serious relationship to these dynamics: Mom, him and you.

Good luck.
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Whatever i wanted some help cause i don't know what to do. And i have Autism too! :p:p
 
Excedrin102 said:
Next time when you make plans with him just Tell him you just want to spend some time together just the two of you.


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Wiggles92 said:
Pull Mom to the side sometime and have a nice & civil chat with her to see what's up with her behavior. Having something to bond over with her may help to gain her trust as well.
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Thanks i will try that
 
break up with him not worth it sorry. so many people out there that dont have that kinda baggage, but you should totally tell him why and that his mother is a problem and he needs to do this himself.
 
anarekist said:
break up with him not worth it sorry. so many people out there that dont have that kinda baggage, but you should totally tell him why and that his mother is a problem and he needs to do this himself.
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well i am going to give him 1 more try if its still the same its over.. trust me.
 
Excedrin102 said:
Is he the one asking his mom to go or is the mom the one insisting on going?.
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x2.

That's an excellent point that definitely needs to be determined before you decide to break it off; you can't exactly dump him & feel good about it because his mother chooses to tag along as it might not be up to him.
 
Loves severums said:
Whatever i wanted some help cause i don't know what to do. And i have Autism too! :p:p
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:-) It wasn't my intention to sound harsh. I meant to emphasize that everybody is different. Having autism doesn't necessarily mean that you and he had the same level of struggles, or [especially] history.
History is where the mom is coming from. it's not easy to separate from that just because he is over 18.
Wiggles has a good point. and talking together, including your BF is a good idea too.

I speak from experience of raising a child who came to us with enormous difficulties. Communicating about realities is the path to start off on. Then everybody is working together and going forward, not chipping away- unintentionally- at hard earned progress.
You're looking at him from a peer standpoint. Try to also consider his moms' position. Conveying that will help all of you and everything, including privacy (I think).
 
petspoiler said:
:-) It wasn't my intention to sound harsh. I meant to emphasize that everybody is different. Having autism doesn't necessarily mean that you and he had the same level of struggles, or [especially] history.
History is where the mom is coming from. it's not easy to separate from that just because he is over 18.
Wiggles has a good point. and talking together, including your BF is a good idea too.

I speak from experience of raising a child who came to us with enormous difficulties. Communicating about realities is the path to start off on. Then everybody is working together and going forward, not chipping away- unintentionally- at hard earned progress.
You're looking at him from a peer standpoint. Try to also consider his moms' position. Conveying that will help all of you and everything, including privacy (I think).
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ok well u did!
 
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