Ok, all joking aside (yeah right), here's an update on Stumpy. He's been in my care for a little over 30 hours, and I've already seen some improvement. The prescription is melafix, pimafix, daily 50% water change. The most noticeable healing has gone on in his pectoral fins. They used to be badly frayed, but now, the individual sections have fused back together, and only the outer edges are jagged. Also the back of his dorsal fin, the part that angels use as a rudder, has grown bigger, and he's getting around pretty well.
I still can't tell you if he's eating any. I've been feeding very sparingly and offered him bloodworms twice, but I can't say if he took anything. No sunken belly, though. Understandably, he's very shy still, and tries to hide from me, but I think that will change eventually. Sometimes I sneak a look at him and he's starting to show black stripes and very red eyes, but most of the time he's pale. He is swimming around the tank actively, and not hovering in a corner anymore. Lookin' good, I say.