Nic;1377506; said:my buddy did something like this before
I felt like i was wooozzzzy just reading it
I will start off with a joke ..you add yours..
- Thread starter Red Devil
- Start date
I felt like i was wooozzzzy just reading it
Artist Name: Troggs
Song Name: I can't control myself
Start Lyrics:
Oh no!
Bababababababababa
Bababababababababa
I can't stand still 'cause you've got me goin'
Bababababababababa
Your slacks are low and your hips are showin'
Bababababababababa
I take you girl as you're standin' there
Your low cut slacks and your long black hair
Don't want you goin' 'round with no one else
'Cause when I'm with you I can't control myself
Defence is down and you've got me shakin'
Bababababababababa
You drive me so that my nerves are breakin'
Bababababababababa
If you knew me like I know you girl
Your knees would bend and your hair would curl
You make me move, yeah like no one else
And when I'm with you I can't control myself
I've got this feeling that's inside of me
It makes me think of how things used to be
It makes me feel alright
When I'm with you at night and we love
And we love
Bababababababababa
You fill me so with this big temptation
Bababababababababa
This kind of feeling could move a nation
Ba ba ba ba bah ba ba ba ba
And I'm o.k. when I'm here with you
I do the things that you want me to
But do these things a for no one else
'Cause when I'm with you I can't control myself
Bababababababababa
Bababababababababa
Bababababababababa
I can't control myself
I can't control myself
I can't control myself - wow!
Song Name: I can't control myself
Start Lyrics:
Oh no!
Bababababababababa
Bababababababababa
I can't stand still 'cause you've got me goin'
Bababababababababa
Your slacks are low and your hips are showin'
Bababababababababa
I take you girl as you're standin' there
Your low cut slacks and your long black hair
Don't want you goin' 'round with no one else
'Cause when I'm with you I can't control myself
Defence is down and you've got me shakin'
Bababababababababa
You drive me so that my nerves are breakin'
Bababababababababa
If you knew me like I know you girl
Your knees would bend and your hair would curl
You make me move, yeah like no one else
And when I'm with you I can't control myself
I've got this feeling that's inside of me
It makes me think of how things used to be
It makes me feel alright
When I'm with you at night and we love
And we love
Bababababababababa
You fill me so with this big temptation
Bababababababababa
This kind of feeling could move a nation
Ba ba ba ba bah ba ba ba ba
And I'm o.k. when I'm here with you
I do the things that you want me to
But do these things a for no one else
'Cause when I'm with you I can't control myself
Bababababababababa
Bababababababababa
Bababababababababa
I can't control myself
I can't control myself
I can't control myself - wow!
A young man married a beautiful woman who had previously divorced 10 husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband to 'Please be gentle; I'm still a virgin'.
'What?' said the puzzled groom. 'How can that be if you've been married ten times.?'
'Well, husband#1 was a Sales Representative; he kept telling me how great it was going to be.
'Husband # 2 was in Software Services; he was never really sure how it was suppose to function; but he said he'd look into it and get back with me.
'Husband # 3 was from Field Services; he said that everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.
'Husband # 4 was in Telemarketing; even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver..
'Husband # 5 was an Engineer, he understood the basic process but he wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state of the-art method.
'Husband #6 was from Administration; he thought he knew how but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.
'Husband # 7 was in Marketing; although he had a product, he was never sure how to position it.
'Husband # 8 was a Psychiatrist; all he did was talk about it.
'Husband # 9 was a Gynecologist; all he did was look at it.
'Husband # 10 was a Stamp Collector; all he ever did was........ God I miss him.
' But now that I've married you, I'm so excited'.
'Wonderful', said the husband, 'but why?
'Your're with the 'GOVERNMENT'..
This time I KNOW I'M finally gonna get
SCREWED.'
'What?' said the puzzled groom. 'How can that be if you've been married ten times.?'
'Well, husband#1 was a Sales Representative; he kept telling me how great it was going to be.
'Husband # 2 was in Software Services; he was never really sure how it was suppose to function; but he said he'd look into it and get back with me.
'Husband # 3 was from Field Services; he said that everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.
'Husband # 4 was in Telemarketing; even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver..
'Husband # 5 was an Engineer, he understood the basic process but he wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state of the-art method.
'Husband #6 was from Administration; he thought he knew how but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.
'Husband # 7 was in Marketing; although he had a product, he was never sure how to position it.
'Husband # 8 was a Psychiatrist; all he did was talk about it.
'Husband # 9 was a Gynecologist; all he did was look at it.
'Husband # 10 was a Stamp Collector; all he ever did was........ God I miss him.
' But now that I've married you, I'm so excited'.
'Wonderful', said the husband, 'but why?
'Your're with the 'GOVERNMENT'..
This time I KNOW I'M finally gonna get
SCREWED.'
knock knock
whose there?
banana
banana who?
knock knock whose there? etc
(repeat as many times as you want)
knock knock
whose there?
orange
orange who?
orange you glad i didnt say banana
ya i know its stupid but im tired and my brain is blank.....
whose there?
banana
banana who?
knock knock whose there? etc
(repeat as many times as you want)
knock knock
whose there?
orange
orange who?
orange you glad i didnt say banana
ya i know its stupid but im tired and my brain is blank.....
The IRS decides to audit me and summon me to the IRS office.
.,
The IRS auditor was not surprised when I showed up with my attorney.
The auditor said. Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no
full-time employment, Which you explain by saying that you win money
gambling. I'm not sure the IRS finds that believable.'
I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it; I say. 'How about a
demonstration?'
The auditor thinks for a moment and said, 'OK You go ahead.'
I said, I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye.'
The auditor thinks a moment and says. 'It's a bet'
I remove my glass eye and bite it. The auditor's jaw drops.
and then I said, 'Now, I'll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite
my other eye.'
Now the auditor can tell that I'm not blind, so he takes the bet.
So I removed my dentures and bite my good eye.
The stunned auditor now realizes he has ~agreed to and lost three grand,
with my attorney as a witness. He starts to get nervous.
'Want to go double or nothing?' I asked. 'I'll bet you six
thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee
into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere
in between.'
The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and
decides there's no way this beaten down disabled veteran of the current wars could possibly manage that stunt,
so he agrees again.
So I stood beside the desk and unzip my pants, but although I strained
mightily, I can't make the stream reach the wastebasket on
the other side, so I ended up urinating all over the auditor's
desk.
The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major
loss into a huge win.
But my own attorney moans and puts his head in his hands.
'Are you okay?' the auditor asks.
'Not really,' says my attorney. 'This morning, when my client told me
he'd been summoned for an audit. he bet me twenty-five thousand
dollars that he could come in here and pee all over your desk and that
you'd be happy about it!'
Don't Mess with Gamblers!!
Just Me,
Chi Chi Pharmer
.,
The IRS auditor was not surprised when I showed up with my attorney.
The auditor said. Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no
full-time employment, Which you explain by saying that you win money
gambling. I'm not sure the IRS finds that believable.'
I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it; I say. 'How about a
demonstration?'
The auditor thinks for a moment and said, 'OK You go ahead.'
I said, I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye.'
The auditor thinks a moment and says. 'It's a bet'
I remove my glass eye and bite it. The auditor's jaw drops.
and then I said, 'Now, I'll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite
my other eye.'
Now the auditor can tell that I'm not blind, so he takes the bet.
So I removed my dentures and bite my good eye.
The stunned auditor now realizes he has ~agreed to and lost three grand,
with my attorney as a witness. He starts to get nervous.
'Want to go double or nothing?' I asked. 'I'll bet you six
thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee
into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere
in between.'
The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and
decides there's no way this beaten down disabled veteran of the current wars could possibly manage that stunt,
so he agrees again.
So I stood beside the desk and unzip my pants, but although I strained
mightily, I can't make the stream reach the wastebasket on
the other side, so I ended up urinating all over the auditor's
desk.
The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major
loss into a huge win.
But my own attorney moans and puts his head in his hands.
'Are you okay?' the auditor asks.
'Not really,' says my attorney. 'This morning, when my client told me
he'd been summoned for an audit. he bet me twenty-five thousand
dollars that he could come in here and pee all over your desk and that
you'd be happy about it!'
Don't Mess with Gamblers!!
Just Me,
Chi Chi Pharmer
