Jokes for the day

[JuanTamad]

The following is the transcript of an ACTUAL radio conversation in october 1995,between a US Navy ship and the British Authorities,near the coast of England.

BRITISHlease divert your course 15 degrees to the south,to avoid collision.

US NAVY:recommend you divert YOUR course 15 degrees to the north to avoid collision

BRITISH:Negative.You will have to divert your course 15 degrees south to avoid collision

US NAVY:This is the captain of a US Navy ship.I say again,divert YOUR course

BRITISH:Negative.I say again.You will have to divert YOUR course.

US NAVY:THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS LINCON.THE SECOND LARGEST SHIP IN THE UNITED STATE'S ATLANTIC FLEET.WE ARE ACCOMPANIED BY THREE DESTROYERS THREE CRUISERS AND NUMEROUS SUPPORT VESSELS.I DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE 15 DEGREES NORTH.THAT'S 15 DEGREES NORTH,OR COUNTER MEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP.

BRITISH:We are a £$%&&%* Lighthouse

The English fellas in this board might remember reading this in their local paper.

 

[MarlboroMan]

ROFL! Dumbasses

 

[MarlboroMan]

Bar Joke

A man was sitting at the bar in a watering hole whose selling point was that it was on top of the largest skyscraper in town. Another man walks in and asks the bartender for a Jack Daniel's. He downs it, and then takes a running leap out the window. Much to everybody's surprise, he floats back up and climbs through the window back into the bar. The man at the bar is amazed and asks the man how he did it.

"Easy," says the man. "Outside this window are some very strong wind currents which can carry you back to the window."

"Wow," says the man at the bar. "I gotta try this." He takes a running leap out the window and falls to a horrible, bloody, and flat death.

"Geez, Superman," says the bartender.

"You can be a real a jerk when you're drunk."