MGA KABABAYAN KO! (Pinoy MFK members only)
- Thread starter kriztu
- Start date
Has anybody tried this?
The Wit and Class of a Filipino
>
> A Filipino walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan
> officer. He tells the loan officer that he is going to the Philippines
> on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000.
>
> The bank officer tells him that the bank will need some form of security
> for the loan, so the Filipino hands over the keys of a new Ferrari. The
> car is parked on the street in front of the bank. The Filipino produces
> the title and everything checks out.
>
> The loan officer agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan.
> The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the
> Pinoy for using a $250,000 Ferrari as collateral against a $5,000 loan.
> An employee of the bank then drives the Ferrari into the bank's
> underground garage and parks it there.
>
> Two weeks later, the Pinoy returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest,
> which comes to $15.41. The loan officer says, "Sir, we are very happy to
> have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely,
> but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and
> found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is, why would you
> bother to borrow $5,000?"
>
> The Pinoy replies: "Where else in New York City can I park my car for
> two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?"
>
The Wit and Class of a Filipino
>
> A Filipino walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan
> officer. He tells the loan officer that he is going to the Philippines
> on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000.
>
> The bank officer tells him that the bank will need some form of security
> for the loan, so the Filipino hands over the keys of a new Ferrari. The
> car is parked on the street in front of the bank. The Filipino produces
> the title and everything checks out.
>
> The loan officer agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan.
> The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the
> Pinoy for using a $250,000 Ferrari as collateral against a $5,000 loan.
> An employee of the bank then drives the Ferrari into the bank's
> underground garage and parks it there.
>
> Two weeks later, the Pinoy returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest,
> which comes to $15.41. The loan officer says, "Sir, we are very happy to
> have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely,
> but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and
> found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is, why would you
> bother to borrow $5,000?"
>
> The Pinoy replies: "Where else in New York City can I park my car for
> two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?"
>
have fun, no crying please...
MAHIRAP LAHAT
Sa UP, mahirap ang Math.
Sa Ateneo, mahirap ang English.
Sa La Salle, mahirap ang parking.
Sa Assumption, mahirap ang walang pera.
Sa UST, mahirap umuwi kapag baha.
Sa St. Scholastica, mahirap sumakay sa LRT.
Sa San Beda, mahirap maging lalaki.
WHERE TO GO TO COLLEGE?
If you have a lot of brains and a little money, go to UP.
If you have some brains and some money, go to Ateneo.
If you have no brains and lots of money, go to La Salle .
If you have no money, go to PUP.
X-MAS SPIRIT
A few days before Christmas, the Monsignor thought it would be a good idea
if he solicited the support of a number of schools to get together to
create a Nativity Scene in time for the Christmas Mass.
The day before Christmas, the Monsignor discovered that the Nativity Scene
was still incomplete so he made a few inquiries on why this was so.
Ateneo reported it could come up with only two and not three wise men.
La Salle reported it could not come up with even a single wise man.
Maryknoll reported that it could not come up with even a single virgin.
San Beda reported that it could only come up with three wise ***s.
UP reported that they killed the three wise men.
QUESTION AND ANSWER
Q: What should an Atenean do when a La Sallite hurls a grenade at him?
A: The Atenean should pick up the grenade, pull the firing pin and hurl it
back at the La Sallite.
Q: How do La Sallites count one to ten?
A: One, two, three, another, another and another.
PASIKATAN NG GRADUATES
UP: A number of past Philippine presidents graduated from UP.
Presidents Roxas, Quirino, Laurel, Garcia and Marcos, to name just a few!
ATENEO: Hah! That's nothing, a number of Ateneo graduates became national
heroes like Jose Rizal, Gen. Gregorio del Pilar, Gen. Antonio Luna, Evelio
Javier and many others.
UP: That just goes to show you, UP graduates become presidents and lead
countries while Atenean ended up getting shot!
LA SALLE : Wala 'yan. Talo kayo sa mga gradweyt namin!
UP & ATENEO: Bakit sino ba ang mga graduates ninyo?
LA SALLE : Aba ! Marami kaming sikat na gradweyts; si Gary Valenciano,
Dingdong Avanzado, Ogie Alcasid, Monsour del Rosario...
HOW TO IDENTIFY A LA SALLITE
A La Sallite walks into a store in Mega Mall and says: "Miss, I'd like a
green parrot, please." The salesgirl looks at him and asks: "Sir, are you a La
Sallite, by any chance?"
The La Sallite replies: "O... bakit mo naman natanong 'yan? If I ordered BLUE
cheese, would you ask me if I were from Ateneo? I don't think so. If I bought a
MAROON shirt, would you ask me if I were from UP? I think not. So why then, when
I want to buy a GREEN PARROT, do you ask me if I'm from La Salle ?"
"Sir, kasi naman ..." replied the salesgirl, "this is a flower shop, eh ."
A TYPICAL CONVERSATION
Two La Sallites meet on the street and carry on a typical La Sallite
conversation:
La Sallite #1: If you can tell me how many chickens I have in this bag, I
will give you both of them.
La Sallite #2: Uh, two?
La Sallite #1: Daya mo! You peeked! hehehe
BARKADA SA HUNTING
Tatlong magkaka-barkada: a La Sallite, a UP student, and an Atenean went on a
hunting trip.
The first night, the guy from UP comes back to the cabin with a big deer. The
others ask him how he did it, and he coolly replies:"I saw the tracks, I
followed the tracks, and bang! I got the deer!
The next night, the guy from Ateneo comes back also with a big deer. "I
saw the tracks, I followed the tracks, and bang! I got the deer!" was the
Atenean's story.
Therefore, the La Sallite decides to try it himself. However, the next
night, as he drags himself back to the cabin, his two companions find him
bruised and bloody all over. "What happened?" they ask. "Well," replies the La
Sallite, "I saw the tracks, I followed the tracks, and bang! A train hit me."
A MURDER MYSTERY
To be solved solely on the basis of pure logic
Who committed the murder?
Suspects:
The Humble Atenean
The Bright La Sallite
The Innocent Maryknoller
The Unaffected Assumptionista
The UP Graduate
Culprit:
The UP Graduate
Logic:
There is no such thing as a Humble Atenean, a Bright La Sallite, an
Innocent Maryknoller or an Unaffected Assumptionista.
HOW DO YOU KNOW ONE WHEN YOU SEE ONE?
In a grand ballroom party, conducted by the Philippine Society of Colleges
and Universities, the Chairman of the Board got curious to know what
particular schools attended the big celebration.
Therefore, he checked out the house where it was all happening. Guess who
he found and where he found them?
UP Diliman - everybody was lined up to the attic to have a fraternity ritual
UP Los Banos - they were in the garden mowing the lawn
UP Manila - they were into "drugs"
Ateneo - they were inside the TV room with a microphone chanting the "BLUE
EAGLE" spelling
La Salle - they were eavesdropping
San Beda - some were beside the Ateneans while others were in the bedroom
with some Paulinians
St. Paul - they thought they were with the Ateneans
La Consolacion - they wanted to be the Paulinians
Holy Spirit - they want the Paulinians
Miriam - they were beside the room of the Ateneans . .. . like always
Assumption - they were inside the bathroom three hours already since
arriving
St. Scholastica - they were next in line for the bathroom
CEU - some were doing the dishes while others were busy with the laundry
St. Louis - they were in front of the air conditioner
UE - they don't know what an air conditioner is
UST - they were everywhere
FEU - they were nowhere
MLQU - Sob! They were not invited
San Sebastian - How the hell did they get past security?!
Letran - the Security
Mapua - they were fixing the leak in the roof
TIP - they were the ones who created the leak
NU - they were outside the house selling cigarettes
JRC - they were the ones buying the cigarettes
Adamson - they went to Luneta instead
Sta. Isabel - they were Adamson's dates
CRC - what the hell is this party for?
PSBA - what the hell is CRC?
NCBA - what the hell is PSBA?
AMA - they were parading with Jolina posters
SUICIDAL SANDWICH
There were three friends: an Atenean, a La Sallite, and a UP student
(so you know this story is fictional.)
Anyway, these three friends met for lunch everyday and ate their
sandwiches.
UP: Putek! Peanut butter sandwich na naman? Sawang-sawa na ako dito ah.
Pag bukas, peanut butter sandwich na naman ang baon ko, magpapatiwakal na
ako!
Ateneo: Darn! Roast beef sandwich again. I'm sick of this already. If I
get another roast beef sandwich tomorrow, I'm gonna shoot myself!
La Salle : Oh my gosh, grabe! Ham sandwich is my baon again. I am so sawa
with this sandwich na, ha? If my baon tomorrow is ham sandwich again, I'm
gonna drive my CRV over the cliff!
The next morning, they again met for lunch, and, alas, they had the same
sandwiches again. The UP student went back to his dorm, pulled out a
belt,and choked himself to death. The Atenean went home, got a gun, and
shot himself in the head. The La Sallite drove his CRV off a cliff.
At their funerals, their mothers were interviewed:
UP: Kung sinabi niya lang sa akin na ayaw niya na nang peanut butter
sandwich, eh di sana hindi na yun yung pinabaon ko sa kanya.
Ateneo: If he had told me that he didn't want roast beef anymore, I
wouldn't have given him roast beef.
La Salle : Hindi ko maintindihan kung bakit siya nagpakamatay, eh siya
naman yung gumagawa ng sarili niyang sandwich!
MAHIRAP LAHAT
Sa UP, mahirap ang Math.
Sa Ateneo, mahirap ang English.
Sa La Salle, mahirap ang parking.
Sa Assumption, mahirap ang walang pera.
Sa UST, mahirap umuwi kapag baha.
Sa St. Scholastica, mahirap sumakay sa LRT.
Sa San Beda, mahirap maging lalaki.
WHERE TO GO TO COLLEGE?
If you have a lot of brains and a little money, go to UP.
If you have some brains and some money, go to Ateneo.
If you have no brains and lots of money, go to La Salle .
If you have no money, go to PUP.
X-MAS SPIRIT
A few days before Christmas, the Monsignor thought it would be a good idea
if he solicited the support of a number of schools to get together to
create a Nativity Scene in time for the Christmas Mass.
The day before Christmas, the Monsignor discovered that the Nativity Scene
was still incomplete so he made a few inquiries on why this was so.
Ateneo reported it could come up with only two and not three wise men.
La Salle reported it could not come up with even a single wise man.
Maryknoll reported that it could not come up with even a single virgin.
San Beda reported that it could only come up with three wise ***s.
UP reported that they killed the three wise men.
QUESTION AND ANSWER
Q: What should an Atenean do when a La Sallite hurls a grenade at him?
A: The Atenean should pick up the grenade, pull the firing pin and hurl it
back at the La Sallite.
Q: How do La Sallites count one to ten?
A: One, two, three, another, another and another.
PASIKATAN NG GRADUATES
UP: A number of past Philippine presidents graduated from UP.
Presidents Roxas, Quirino, Laurel, Garcia and Marcos, to name just a few!
ATENEO: Hah! That's nothing, a number of Ateneo graduates became national
heroes like Jose Rizal, Gen. Gregorio del Pilar, Gen. Antonio Luna, Evelio
Javier and many others.
UP: That just goes to show you, UP graduates become presidents and lead
countries while Atenean ended up getting shot!
LA SALLE : Wala 'yan. Talo kayo sa mga gradweyt namin!
UP & ATENEO: Bakit sino ba ang mga graduates ninyo?
LA SALLE : Aba ! Marami kaming sikat na gradweyts; si Gary Valenciano,
Dingdong Avanzado, Ogie Alcasid, Monsour del Rosario...
HOW TO IDENTIFY A LA SALLITE
A La Sallite walks into a store in Mega Mall and says: "Miss, I'd like a
green parrot, please." The salesgirl looks at him and asks: "Sir, are you a La
Sallite, by any chance?"
The La Sallite replies: "O... bakit mo naman natanong 'yan? If I ordered BLUE
cheese, would you ask me if I were from Ateneo? I don't think so. If I bought a
MAROON shirt, would you ask me if I were from UP? I think not. So why then, when
I want to buy a GREEN PARROT, do you ask me if I'm from La Salle ?"
"Sir, kasi naman ..." replied the salesgirl, "this is a flower shop, eh ."
A TYPICAL CONVERSATION
Two La Sallites meet on the street and carry on a typical La Sallite
conversation:
La Sallite #1: If you can tell me how many chickens I have in this bag, I
will give you both of them.
La Sallite #2: Uh, two?
La Sallite #1: Daya mo! You peeked! hehehe
BARKADA SA HUNTING
Tatlong magkaka-barkada: a La Sallite, a UP student, and an Atenean went on a
hunting trip.
The first night, the guy from UP comes back to the cabin with a big deer. The
others ask him how he did it, and he coolly replies:"I saw the tracks, I
followed the tracks, and bang! I got the deer!
The next night, the guy from Ateneo comes back also with a big deer. "I
saw the tracks, I followed the tracks, and bang! I got the deer!" was the
Atenean's story.
Therefore, the La Sallite decides to try it himself. However, the next
night, as he drags himself back to the cabin, his two companions find him
bruised and bloody all over. "What happened?" they ask. "Well," replies the La
Sallite, "I saw the tracks, I followed the tracks, and bang! A train hit me."
A MURDER MYSTERY
To be solved solely on the basis of pure logic
Who committed the murder?
Suspects:
The Humble Atenean
The Bright La Sallite
The Innocent Maryknoller
The Unaffected Assumptionista
The UP Graduate
Culprit:
The UP Graduate
Logic:
There is no such thing as a Humble Atenean, a Bright La Sallite, an
Innocent Maryknoller or an Unaffected Assumptionista.
HOW DO YOU KNOW ONE WHEN YOU SEE ONE?
In a grand ballroom party, conducted by the Philippine Society of Colleges
and Universities, the Chairman of the Board got curious to know what
particular schools attended the big celebration.
Therefore, he checked out the house where it was all happening. Guess who
he found and where he found them?
UP Diliman - everybody was lined up to the attic to have a fraternity ritual
UP Los Banos - they were in the garden mowing the lawn
UP Manila - they were into "drugs"
Ateneo - they were inside the TV room with a microphone chanting the "BLUE
EAGLE" spelling
La Salle - they were eavesdropping
San Beda - some were beside the Ateneans while others were in the bedroom
with some Paulinians
St. Paul - they thought they were with the Ateneans
La Consolacion - they wanted to be the Paulinians
Holy Spirit - they want the Paulinians
Miriam - they were beside the room of the Ateneans . .. . like always
Assumption - they were inside the bathroom three hours already since
arriving
St. Scholastica - they were next in line for the bathroom
CEU - some were doing the dishes while others were busy with the laundry
St. Louis - they were in front of the air conditioner
UE - they don't know what an air conditioner is
UST - they were everywhere
FEU - they were nowhere
MLQU - Sob! They were not invited
San Sebastian - How the hell did they get past security?!
Letran - the Security
Mapua - they were fixing the leak in the roof
TIP - they were the ones who created the leak
NU - they were outside the house selling cigarettes
JRC - they were the ones buying the cigarettes
Adamson - they went to Luneta instead
Sta. Isabel - they were Adamson's dates
CRC - what the hell is this party for?
PSBA - what the hell is CRC?
NCBA - what the hell is PSBA?
AMA - they were parading with Jolina posters
SUICIDAL SANDWICH
There were three friends: an Atenean, a La Sallite, and a UP student
(so you know this story is fictional.)
Anyway, these three friends met for lunch everyday and ate their
sandwiches.
UP: Putek! Peanut butter sandwich na naman? Sawang-sawa na ako dito ah.
Pag bukas, peanut butter sandwich na naman ang baon ko, magpapatiwakal na
ako!
Ateneo: Darn! Roast beef sandwich again. I'm sick of this already. If I
get another roast beef sandwich tomorrow, I'm gonna shoot myself!
La Salle : Oh my gosh, grabe! Ham sandwich is my baon again. I am so sawa
with this sandwich na, ha? If my baon tomorrow is ham sandwich again, I'm
gonna drive my CRV over the cliff!
The next morning, they again met for lunch, and, alas, they had the same
sandwiches again. The UP student went back to his dorm, pulled out a
belt,and choked himself to death. The Atenean went home, got a gun, and
shot himself in the head. The La Sallite drove his CRV off a cliff.
At their funerals, their mothers were interviewed:
UP: Kung sinabi niya lang sa akin na ayaw niya na nang peanut butter
sandwich, eh di sana hindi na yun yung pinabaon ko sa kanya.
Ateneo: If he had told me that he didn't want roast beef anymore, I
wouldn't have given him roast beef.
La Salle : Hindi ko maintindihan kung bakit siya nagpakamatay, eh siya
naman yung gumagawa ng sarili niyang sandwich!
redtailfool;621622; said:1998 was the last time.I want to go home.
We Filipinos will never be out smarted!!!
After digging to a depth of 100 metres last year, Russian scientists found
traces of copper wire dating back 1000 years, and came to the conclusion
that their ancestors already had a telephone network one thousand years ago.
So, not to be outdone, in the weeks that followed, American scientists dug
200 metres and headlines in the US papers read: "US scientists have found
traces of 2000 year old optical fibres, and have concluded that their
ancestors already had advanced high-tech digital telephone 1000 years
earlier than the Russians".
One week later, a Filipino newspaper reported the following: "After digging
as deep as 500 metres, Filipino scientists have found absolutely nothing.
They have concluded that 5000 years ago, their ancestors were already using
wireless technology".
Enjoy your next trip home....it will be wireless!
