I been there before and even recently somewhat with my jaguar cichlids...i spooked him playing around with a hand held mirror and he went skittish on me for about a week...the tank is in a semi finshed basement...was getting ready to go out one day and had a black coat and hat.. had to run in the basement for a minute and the fish damn near jumped out of the tank...after that i had to approach the area around the tank slow and not really sit in front of the tank....they would come out cautiously when i was down there for a while...the male is now reacclimated to me ..the female always has been reclusive..the tank is divided which does make them try to be near each other in their attempts to dig under..maybe somthing for you to try temporarily.. also lighten up the gravel might help..