Some of the Best One-Liners

[SumoNinja]

funny, serious, quoted, your own, randomly heard, whatever,.........

"I haven't slept for 10 days,.....because that would be too long"
"I used to do drugs. I still do, but I used to too." -Mitch Hedberg

"Children, you spend their first 2 years teaching them to walk and talk and the next 16 years trying to get them to sit down and shut up"

"The last thing I want to do is hurt you, but it's still on the list"

"Failure is no more fatal than success is permanent." - Henry Ford

"What is a free gift? Aren't all gifts free?"

"To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism, but to steal from many is research"

"Timing has an awful lot to do with the outcome of a raindance"

"We have enough youth, how about a fountain of smart?"

"making love, it's like playing bridge, if you don't have a good partner you better have a good hand"

"A long life may not be good enough, but a good life is long enough" - Benjamin Franklin

 

[kevinfleming21]

I can count to potato

 

[ballinouttacntrol]

so i was just driving home and i stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because i thought it was a porcupine

this is part your fault too, don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong

i thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us, i like him.

i renamed my ipod as "the titanic" so when i plug it in it says "the titanic is syncing"

you asked everyone for their hoodies so you could safely huge the cactus

i asked a girl to buy her a drink, she said i have a boyfriend, i said, well i have a gold fish, she said what? i replied, oh i'm sorry, i thought we were talking about stuff that doesn't matter

 

[Sniperofgods]

These should be kept pg 13 correct so it doesnt get out of hand ?

Im at work now but i will post more when I get home


"you cant fix stupid"

 

[ballinouttacntrol]

thread fail?

 

[Warborg]

I kind of like the one I made.

It's in my sig.

It was made and used here on MFK

 

[SumoNinja]

thread fail?

apparently so

i really thought it would get more posts and i was looking forward to reading some interesting quotes, but meh, wutayagonado?

 

[Death Pony]

I want to go out of this world the same way I came into it; screaming, covered in blood, and between someone's legs.

Never take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night, ever.

I used spot remover on my dog once. He disappeared. -Steven Wright

 

[ar0wan]

Two wrongs do not make a right
but three lefts do

 

[tyl089]

say hello to my little friend.