U GOT JOKES?

[Red Devil]

I recently picked a new primary doctor..and after two visits and exhaustive lab tests he said " I was doing fairly well for my age"
A little concerned about that comment, I couldn't resist asking him"Do you think I will live to see eighty?"
"He asked," "Do you smoke or drink beer or wine?" "Oh No, I said"
"Then He asked, ""Do you eat rib-eye steak and barbaque ribs?" I said "No" My former doctor said all that red meat is unhealthy". "Do you spend alot of time in the sun, like playing golf, sailing, hiking, or bicycling?" "No, I said.
He looked at me and said"Then why do you even care"

 

[Razman]

well ive read every post in this thread (possibly my favorite thread) and i cant remember if anybody told this one:

how do you now when a lawer is dead?































when he stops talking.

 

[Red Devil]

well ive read every post in this thread (possibly my favorite thread) and i cant remember if anybody told this one:

how do you now when a lawer is dead?































when he stops talking.

theres some truth to that

 

[dragonfish]

Whats the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline?















You take off your shoes to jump on a trampoline.

 

[GJC]

A good looking man walked into an agent's office in Hollywood and said, "I want to be a movie star." Tall, handsome and, with experience on Broadway, he had the right credentials.

The agent asked, "What's your name?"

The guy said, "My name is Penis van Lesbian."

The agent said, "Sir, I hate to tell you, but in order to get into
Hollywood , you are going to have to change your name."

"I will NOT change my name! The van Lesbian name is centuries old. I will not disrespect my grandfather by changing my name. Not ever."

The agent said, "Sir, I have worked in Hollywood for years. You
will NEVER go far in Hollywood with a name like Penis van Lesbian! I'm telling you, you will HAVE TO change your name, or I will not be able to
represent you."

"So be it! I guess we will not do business together," the guy said, and he left the agent's office.

Five years later the agent opens an envelope sent to his office.
Inside the envelope is a letter and a check for $50,000. The agent is awe-struck. Who would possibly send him $50,000? He reads the letter enclosed...

"Dear Sir,

Five years ago, I came into your office wanting to become an actor in Hollywood. You told me I needed to change my name. Determined to make it with my God-given birth name, I refused. You told me I would never make it in Hollywood with a name like Penis van Lesbian. After I left your office, I thought about what you said. I decided you were right. I had to change my name. I had too much pride to return to your office, so I signed
with another agent. I would never have made it without changing my name, so the enclosed check is a token of my appreciation.

Thank you for your advice.

Sincerely,

Dick van Dyke

 

[JuanTamad]

I recently picked a new primary doctor..and after two visits and exhaustive lab tests he said " I was doing fairly well for my age"
A little concerned about that comment, I couldn't resist asking him"Do you think I will live to see eighty?"
"He asked," "Do you smoke or drink beer or wine?" "Oh No, I said"
"Then He asked, ""Do you eat rib-eye steak and barbaque ribs?" I said "No" My former doctor said all that red meat is unhealthy". "Do you spend alot of time in the sun, like playing golf, sailing, hiking, or bicycling?" "No, I said.
He looked at me and said"Then why do you even care"

Your new Doctor is right! for all intents and purposes you are already dead.

Just teasing. I wish I have your kind of discipline. My only consolation is that every morning I wake up is a bonus day for living beyond my life expentancy after I was diagnosed with a rare bone marrow disorder for which there is no cure a couple of years ago.

 

[Red Devil]

Your new Doctor is right! for all intents and purposes you are already dead.

Just teasing. I wish I have your kind of discipline. My only consolation is that every morning I wake up is a bonus day for living beyond my life expentancy after I was diagnosed with a rare bone marrow disorder for which there is no cure a couple of years ago.

You know when ever we joke about something or someone...there is always the chance that it will not be a joke to someone reading it.. i thought about this after i stuck it in here.. things turn into a completly different prospective sometimes.. I lost my first son when he was a baby.. every song with baby in it was heartbreaking to me for many years.. so i know exactly how you feel when you read this.. but remenber even though there is no cure now there could be one soon... and keeping yourself strong and healthy is the very best thing you can do for yourself.. and joke or not everyone should live a dull healthy life...because you are absolutely right every day for everyone is a bonus day.. and i hope you have many many more good healthy dull days..

 

[BIGgourami]

women's lib

 

[JuanTamad]

.. and i hope you have many many more good healthy dull days..

Thank you, I think.

Healthy, maybe and hopefully not dull. Many folks gets so engrossed with life extending habits they forget to live. Will probably live my remaining days and make each one a death defying act and hope Cancer research which is showing a lot of promise produce a cure in time.

 

[Red Devil]

Thank you, I think.

Healthy, maybe and hopefully not dull. Many folks gets so engrossed with life extending habits they forget to live. Will probably live my remaining days and make each one a death defying act and hope Cancer research which is showing a lot of promise produce a cure in time.

I did not mean really dull ..it was just a punt from the joke.. life is never dull... life is as good as the person makes it.. Keep up your remarkable courage ... and enjoy every minute to the fullest and keep positive most of all and if you believe in higher power reach for him.. and i will keep you in my prayers, and may you be well soon...