U GOT JOKES?

[JuanTamad]

French Humor...............

A thief in Paris planned to steal some paintings from
the Louvre. After careful planning, he got past
security, stole the paintings and made it safely to
his van. However, he was captured only two blocks
away when his van ran out of gas.

When asked how he could mastermind such a crime and
then make such an obvious error, he replied,
"Monsieur, that is the reason I stole the paintings. I
had no Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh."

(And you probably thought I didn't have DeGaulle to
post this . Well, I figured I had nothing
Toulouse .)

 

[Red Devil]

French Humor...............

A thief in Paris planned to steal some paintings from
the Louvre. After careful planning, he got past
security, stole the paintings and made it safely to
his van. However, he was captured only two blocks
away when his van ran out of gas.

When asked how he could mastermind such a crime and
then make such an obvious error, he replied,
"Monsieur, that is the reason I stole the paintings. I
had no Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh."

(And you probably thought I didn't have DeGaulle to
post this . Well, I figured I had nothing
Toulouse .)

 

[Red Devil]

Bob walked into the bar around 9:58 pm..
He sat down next to a blond at the bar and stared into the TV...the 10:00pm news was coming on and the news crew was covering a story of a man on the ledge of a tall building preparing to jump.
The blond looked at BOB and said...."you think he will jump?"Bob says, "You know,... "I bet that he'll jump"
The blond replied "I bet he won't"....Bob placed a $20 bill on the bar and said"Your ON!" Just as the blond placed her money on the bar, the guy on the ledge does a swan dive off the building falling to his death.
The Blond very upset, but willingly handed her $20 to BOB.. saying Fair is Fair! "Heres Your Money" Bob replied, "i can't take your money.... I saw this earlier on the 5pm news so i knew he would jump...........the blond replied, I did too!!! "but i didn't think he would do it again!! "...Bob took the money

 

[Renteria]

 

[JuanTamad]

Delayed reaction.....

 

[kakojones]

That last one killed it huh?

 

[jackel]

vick

 

[jackel]

one more on vick

 

[PATSFAN69]

A blonde went into a world wide message center to send a message to her mother overseas.

When the man told her it would cost $300, she exclaimed: "I don't have any money." But I'd do ANYTHING to get a message to my mother."

The man arched an eyebrow (as we would expect).

"Anything?" he asked.

"Yes, yes, anything" the blonde promised.

Well, then, "Just follow me" said the man as he walked towards the next room.

The blonde did as she was told and followed the man.

"Come in and close the door" the man said.

She did.

He then said "Now get on your knees."

She did.

"Now take down my zipper."

She did.

"Now go ahead ... take it out....." He said.

She reached in and grabbed it with both hands .

Then paused.

The man closed his eyes and whispered ...

"Well ... go ahead."

The blonde slowly brought her mouth closer to it and while holding it close to her lips, ..

...tentatively said ....

"Hello. Mom, can you hear me?"

 

[12 Volt Man]

hahahaha

now thats what I call phone sex!