U GOT JOKES?

[12 Volt Man]

Doctor, "What seems to be the problem?"

Patient, "Doc, I've got the farts. I mean I fart all the time,"

The Doctor nods, "Hmm."

Patient, "My farts do not stink and you can't hear them. It's just that I fart all the time. Look, we've been talking here for about 10 minutes and I've farted five times. You didn't hear them and you don't smell them, do you?"

"Hmm," says the Doctor,

He picks up his pad and writes out a prescription.

The patient is thrilled "Great doc. This prescription, will it really clear up my farts?"

"No," sighs the Doctor, "The prescription is to clear your sinuses. Next week I want you back here for a hearing test."

 

[dragonfish]

An atheist is walking through the woods. Suddenly a bear rushes at her. Just as it is about to grab her she screams out for the first time in her life, "God help me." Time stops, the bear frozen in his tracks. A voice from above thunders down. " You dare to call on me, you who have rejected me and told others of my nonexistence. Why should I help you." The woman thought for a moment and replied, "Perhaps it would be unreasonable of me to expect to be made a christian at this moment, but could you make the bear a christian."
The flow of time resumes. Dropping to his knees, the bear folds his paws and bows his head in prayer. "Dear Lord, we thank you for this bountiful feast we are about to receive."

 

[Razman]

here's one someone i know made up:

what do you call a mime with it's head on fire?



























bloody hilarious......

 

[JuanTamad]

Japanese Banking Crisis


Recent reports indicate the Japanese banking crisis shows no signs of improving. If anything, it's getting worse. Following last week's news that Origami Bank had folded, it was today learned that Sumo Bank has gone belly up. Bonsai Bank plans to cut back some of its branches. Karaoke Bank is up for sale and is going for a song.

Meanwhile, shares in Kamikaze Bank have nose-dived and 500 jobs at Karate Bank will be chopped. Analysts report that there is something fishy going on at Sushi Bank and staff there fear they may get a raw deal.



An Indian vs Pakistani

There was once a Indian and an Pakistani who lived next door to each other. The Indian owned a hen and each morning would look in his garden and pick up one of his hen's eggs for breakfast.

One day he looked into his garden and saw that the hen had laid an egg in the Pakistani's garden. He was about to go next door when he saw the Pakistani pick up the egg. The Indian ran up to the Pakistani and told him that the egg belonged to him because he owned the hen. The Pakistani disagreed because the egg was laid on his property.

They argued for a while until finally the Indian said, "In my family we normally solve disputes by the following actions: I kick you in the balls and time how long it takes you to get back up, then you kick me in the balls and time how long it takes for me to get up, who ever gets up quicker wins the egg."

The Pakistani agreed to this and so the Indian found his heaviest pair of boots and put them on, he took a few steps back, then ran toward the Pakistani and kicked as hard as he could in the balls. The Pakistani fell to the floor clutching his nuts howling in agony for 30 minutes.

Eventually the Pakistani stood up and said, "Now it's my turn to kick you."

The Indian said, "Keep the damn egg!"

 

[Red Devil]

Japanese Banking Crisis


Recent reports indicate the Japanese banking crisis shows no signs of improving. If anything, it's getting worse. Following last week's news that Origami Bank had folded, it was today learned that Sumo Bank has gone belly up. Bonsai Bank plans to cut back some of its branches. Karaoke Bank is up for sale and is going for a song.

Meanwhile, shares in Kamikaze Bank have nose-dived and 500 jobs at Karate Bank will be chopped. Analysts report that there is something fishy going on at Sushi Bank and staff there fear they may get a raw deal.



An Indian vs Pakistani

There was once a Indian and an Pakistani who lived next door to each other. The Indian owned a hen and each morning would look in his garden and pick up one of his hen's eggs for breakfast.

One day he looked into his garden and saw that the hen had laid an egg in the Pakistani's garden. He was about to go next door when he saw the Pakistani pick up the egg. The Indian ran up to the Pakistani and told him that the egg belonged to him because he owned the hen. The Pakistani disagreed because the egg was laid on his property.

They argued for a while until finally the Indian said, "In my family we normally solve disputes by the following actions: I kick you in the balls and time how long it takes you to get back up, then you kick me in the balls and time how long it takes for me to get up, who ever gets up quicker wins the egg."

The Pakistani agreed to this and so the Indian found his heaviest pair of boots and put them on, he took a few steps back, then ran toward the Pakistani and kicked as hard as he could in the balls. The Pakistani fell to the floor clutching his nuts howling in agony for 30 minutes.

Eventually the Pakistani stood up and said, "Now it's my turn to kick you."

The Indian said, "Keep the damn egg!"

your jokes are great ..keep them coming... and how are you doing?

 

[CichlidPharmer]

your jokes are great ..keep them coming... and how are you doing?

Matt, my old buddy is still alive and fishing, his jokes may be ok, too

We're taking some MFK' ers fishing this weekend at the Lago JotaTeh.

 

[JuanTamad]

Matt, my old buddy is still alive and fishing, his jokes may be ok, too

We're taking some MFK' ers fishing this weekend at the Lago JotaTeh.

Jun, thanks for responding on my behalf. I've located at least four pairs of PBs for this weekend's fishing.

Lock and load, man. Let's have some fun....terminate the pairs with extreme prejudice.

 

[The TRUST]

An Indian vs Pakistani

There was once a Indian and an Pakistani who lived next door to each other. The Indian owned a hen and each morning would look in his garden and pick up one of his hen's eggs for breakfast.

One day he looked into his garden and saw that the hen had laid an egg in the Pakistani's garden. He was about to go next door when he saw the Pakistani pick up the egg. The Indian ran up to the Pakistani and told him that the egg belonged to him because he owned the hen. The Pakistani disagreed because the egg was laid on his property.

They argued for a while until finally the Indian said, "In my family we normally solve disputes by the following actions: I kick you in the balls and time how long it takes you to get back up, then you kick me in the balls and time how long it takes for me to get up, who ever gets up quicker wins the egg."

The Pakistani agreed to this and so the Indian found his heaviest pair of boots and put them on, he took a few steps back, then ran toward the Pakistani and kicked as hard as he could in the balls. The Pakistani fell to the floor clutching his nuts howling in agony for 30 minutes.

Eventually the Pakistani stood up and said, "Now it's my turn to kick you."

The Indian said, "Keep the damn egg!"

 

[Red Devil]

Jun, thanks for responding on my behalf. I've located at least four pairs of PBs for this weekend's fishing.

Lock and load, man. Let's have some fun....terminate the pairs with extreme prejudice.

glad to hear your doing well..happy fishing guys!

 

[JuanTamad]

glad to hear your doing well..happy fishing guys!

Thank you. Incidentally, I was at the Mayo Clinic this past week for a check-up and Brain Scan.

I asked the doctor what the Brain Scan showed.

His reply was: "Absolutely Nothing."

Still have not decided if it's good or bad!