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BRITISH GENEROSITY

A big earthquake with the strength of 8.1 on the Richter scale has
hit Pakistan.

Two million Pakistanis have died and over a million are injured.

The country is totally ruined and the government doesn't know where
to start with providing help to rebuild.

The rest of the world is in shock.

The United States is sending troops to help.

Saudi Arabia is sending oil.

Latin American countries are sending supplies.

New Zealand is sending sheep, cattle and food crops.

The rest of the European community (except France) is sending money.

The Asian continents are sending labour to assist in rebuilding
infrastructure.

Australia is sending medical teams and supplies

The Brits, not to be outdone, are sending two million replacement
Pakistanis!

God Bless British generosity.
 
i'm gonna be greedy, i got 2...

A teacher asks her class, ''If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?'' She calls on little Johnny.
''None, they all fly away with the first gunshot.''
The teacher replies, ''The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking.'' Then Little Johnny says, ''I have a question for YOU. There are three women sitting on a bench having ice cream. One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream. Which one is married?''
The teacher, blushing a great deal, replies, ''Well I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone.''
''The correct answer is the one with the wedding ring on...but I like your thinking.''


A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.

He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife:

"Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."

To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was ***, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"
 
Hope your reading these TAnk you..we want to make you laugh...
A young ventiloquist is touring the clubs and one night he is doing a show in a small town.. with his dummy on his knee, he starts going through his usual dumb blond jokes......suddenly a blond in the 4th row stands on a chair and starts shouting........................
"I've heard enough of your stupid blond jokes..what makes you think you can stereotype women that way"? "Why does the color of a persons hair have to do with her worth as a human being ?"
"It's guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community and from reaching our full potential as a person!" Because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blonds but women in general, "ALL IN THE NAME OF HUMOR!!!!"
The embarrased ventrilogist begins to apologise and the blond yells,
"Stay out of it mister !!" I was talking to the little -----------on your knee!":screwy: :D
 
CichlidPharmer;976755; said:
BRITISH GENEROSITY

A big earthquake with the strength of 8.1 on the Richter scale has
hit Pakistan.

Two million Pakistanis have died and over a million are injured.

The country is totally ruined and the government doesn't know where
to start with providing help to rebuild.

The rest of the world is in shock.

The United States is sending troops to help.

Saudi Arabia is sending oil.

Latin American countries are sending supplies.

New Zealand is sending sheep, cattle and food crops.

The rest of the European community (except France) is sending money.

The Asian continents are sending labour to assist in rebuilding
infrastructure.

Australia is sending medical teams and supplies

The Brits, not to be outdone, are sending two million replacement
Pakistanis!

God Bless British generosity.
Click to expand...

lol burrrrrnnnn.
 
BBQ RULES................we are into summer and BBQ season therefore it is important to refresh your memory on the etiquette of this sublime outdoor cooking activity, as it is the only type of cooking a "REAL MAN" will do, probably because theres an element of danger involved.
1. The women buys the food.
2. The women makes the salad, prepares the vegetables and makes the desserts
3. The women prepares the meat for cooking, places it on the tray along with the nessasary cooking utensils and sauces and takes it to the man who is lounging beside the grill with a beer in hand..

Here comes the important part..........
4. The man places meat on the grill ....more routine........
5. The women goes inside to organize the plates and cutlery
6. The women comes out to tell the man that the meat is burning.. he thanks her and asks her if she could get him another beer.... while he deals with the situation.
Important again.................
7. The man takes the meat off the grill and hands it to the women....
More routine.............
8. The women prepares the plates, salads, bread, utensils, beverages, napkins, sauces and brings them to the table
9. After eating the women clears the table and does the dishes
AND MOST IMPORTANT OF ALL
10. Every one praises the man and thanks him for all his cooking efforts
11. The man asks the women "HOW she enjoyed her "NITE OFF" And upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that theres just no pleasing some women!!" :WHOA:
 
Red Devil;977738; said:
BBQ RULES................we are into summer and BBQ season therefore it is important to refresh your memory on the etiquette of this sublime outdoor cooking activity, as it is the only type of cooking a "REAL MAN" will do, probably because theres an element of danger involved.
1. The women buys the food.
2. The women makes the salad, prepares the vegetables and makes the desserts
3. The women prepares the meat for cooking, places it on the tray along with the nessasary cooking utensils and sauces and takes it to the man who is lounging beside the grill with a beer in hand..

Here comes the important part..........
4. The man places meat on the grill ....more routine........
5. The women goes inside to organize the plates and cutlery
6. The women comes out to tell the man that the meat is burning.. he thanks her and asks her if she could get him another beer.... while he deals with the situation.
Important again.................
7. The man takes the meat off the grill and hands it to the women....
More routine.............
8. The women prepares the plates, salads, bread, utensils, beverages, napkins, sauces and brings them to the table
9. After eating the women clears the table and does the dishes
AND MOST IMPORTANT OF ALL
10. Every one praises the man and thanks him for all his cooking efforts
11. The man asks the women "HOW she enjoyed her "NITE OFF" And upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that theres just no pleasing some women!!" :WHOA:
Click to expand...

Women are so lucky....there's just no pleasing them sometimes. lol
 
JuanTamad;979321; said:
Women are so lucky....there's just no pleasing them sometimes. lol
Click to expand...

i know we always have the privilage of having the right to complain about something..:nilly: :nilly: :popcorn:haha
 
Red Devil;974372; said:
good ones everybody...
Click to expand...

On Consulting:D

If you're not a part of the solution,there's good money to be made in prolonging the problem.
 
:D :D :D Suddenly her husband burst into the kitchen""Careful" He said, "Careful" Put in some more butter!! OH MY GOD!
Your cooking too many at once..too many... wayyyyy too many. "Turn Them" ...."Turn them Now" ! " "We need more butter" ....oh my god.... "where are we going to get more butter???? " They're going to stick! "Careful" "Careful" "CARE FUL"!I said be careful! You never listen to me when your cooking! "Never" Turn them ! Hurry Up....."Turn Them" Are you crazy ?? "Don't forget to salt them...use the salt! "USE THE SALT!
"THE SALT"
The wife stared at him..... what is wrong with you???? You think i don"t know how to fry a couple of eggs??? The husband calmly replies...............
" I just wanted to show you how it feels when i am driving".:grinno: :grinno: :grinno: :grinno: :grinno: :grinno: :grinno: :grinno:
 
:) :) A women comes screeching her car into the driveway, and ran into the house.
She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs, "Honey, pack your bags" I won the lottery!!!!!
The husband said OH MY GOD!!!!What should i pack,beach stuff or mountain stuff??
"Doesn't Matter she said,

"JUST GET OUT"!
 
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