They have both settled way down I think just being a newbie to high aggression i jumped the gun, I have read a couple of articles where the male chases the female around a lot and as long as she has lots of places too hide from him she will be ok, that they ussually kill them by stressing them not biting, this seems to be what is happening, when I feed they are best friends no fear no gill flaring willing to feed side by side and all so I think i just got nervous did buy a seperater for the tank but haven't had to use it yet. Be cool if they would pair up!
