Soooo... Their not broken up? Thats how I understood it. By all this "ruined" and "wanting back" talk, I assumed the hobby ended their relationship.Just love to turn crap around don't ya!!! uhhh huh, yeah all you dudes..
All the OP is saying is that she would like to have a bit of her boyfriend back... without all the fish talk/activities... that's it. Besides that all of you want to give advice on how to fix it, when she didn't ask for that either...
My bf and I have been able to find a happy median and it works.. there is still time for dinner, movies, shopping all that good stuff without having to go all fishy about it..
OP have you straight up told him how you feel?
Has fishkeeping ever ruined a relationship?
- Thread starter mshill90
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I think if fish come between a relationship then its time to examine that relationship and all the issues.. i would never deprive someone that i love doing something they enjoyed... that is what you call respect and honor... when the hobbyiest totally becomes absorbed to the point where other things don't matter then it is not just the fish thats the problem ... it is the whole relationship...and lack of attention in general to other interests... hobbys should be done in your spare time... time you set aside to relax and enjoy.. but not time that takes away from family or work.. and if you cannot afford the hobby no matter what it is .. it won't last very long and you won't enjoy it very much.. and you certainly won't be able to sustain all your other obligations and desires..A hobby should never be a priority...but something you achieve from your success in life, something that you have earned because of tending to all the other things such as work, school.. etc... a hobby is a goal to look forward too... a reward .... but all other things should be upfront and done.. including time spent with love ones..
No, we are not broken up.. but it's getting close.
Yes, we both love the hobby, and yes, he did build me fish tank racks, and such.. But, I have reached the limit. We have no walls in our basement left for fish tanks, so he want to built walls for more.
He's more enthused with the fish and doing more more more than he is about just spending a nice night watching a movie, or going out to dinner, or something like that.
Yes, there are ideas that we both have, and there are breeding projects that I want to pursue, but I'm not bringing in anymore fish, setting up anymore tanks, or anything like that.
Yes, he's physically here, but he's not emotionally here.
Thank you FishMama for actually understanding. And yes, I have told him how I feel. But old habits are hard to break.
Yes, we both love the hobby, and yes, he did build me fish tank racks, and such.. But, I have reached the limit. We have no walls in our basement left for fish tanks, so he want to built walls for more.
He's more enthused with the fish and doing more more more than he is about just spending a nice night watching a movie, or going out to dinner, or something like that.
Yes, there are ideas that we both have, and there are breeding projects that I want to pursue, but I'm not bringing in anymore fish, setting up anymore tanks, or anything like that.
Yes, he's physically here, but he's not emotionally here.
Thank you FishMama for actually understanding. And yes, I have told him how I feel. But old habits are hard to break.
well put red devil, i give you kudos. As for the OP i think if you love your fiance the relationship shouldnt end over such a little problem. You guys are fiances and about to be married, you should really be stronger than that. Yeah hes taking fish a little over board but be more patient with him. If he goes on this site every once in awhile and comes along this thread, how do you think that will make him feel. Im sorry but im not gonna bail out on someone i love unless its an extreme like cheating on me. This is not the case here. Like allan123 said hes not cheating gambling drugs or alcohol. For your relationship to be on the verge because of this. I would hate to be your boyfriend. hes trying to make you happy and your sitting there saying you might break up with him. Women are impossible, you can never do anything right. Give the kid some slack. Im sorry op if it seems im attacking you, i dont mean to. Its up to you how you live your life but just think of the consequences. Maybe you wont end up being as fortunate as you are nowyou've created your own monster in other words.
if he won't give you the attention you deserve, let someone else give it to you. if he has turned into a fish and forgot about being a husband, you two may very well be no longer the same species and cannot mate properly.
apparently he loves his fish more, which is a very realistic scenario. fight for him, or let him swim with his fish. he might have always wanted to have fish and you triggered something in his head and now he can't stop. its never that simple from your perspective, i know. but in cases like this, i go out to the range, vent, blow of a couple shots, hit the track, and go home cooled off.
its one of those situations where you gotta choose pain but future happiness or eternal peace and hunger.
if he won't give you the attention you deserve, let someone else give it to you. if he has turned into a fish and forgot about being a husband, you two may very well be no longer the same species and cannot mate properly.
apparently he loves his fish more, which is a very realistic scenario. fight for him, or let him swim with his fish. he might have always wanted to have fish and you triggered something in his head and now he can't stop. its never that simple from your perspective, i know. but in cases like this, i go out to the range, vent, blow of a couple shots, hit the track, and go home cooled off.
its one of those situations where you gotta choose pain but future happiness or eternal peace and hunger.
Melissa no offence.. ^^ but that is hilarious and kinda true at the same time.. not necessarily because of your situation but in a general sense too.... the mating part is funny!
Everything is good in balance and moderation. He's not the type that just sticks a toe in, he jumps.
You should plan some things to get out a couple times a week that does not involve fish. Some other interest, new restaurant (check to ensure they don't have a tank), tourist attraction etc. Pull him from it a little at a time. This same issue occurs with workaholics, sports fanatics, etc.
John
You should plan some things to get out a couple times a week that does not involve fish. Some other interest, new restaurant (check to ensure they don't have a tank), tourist attraction etc. Pull him from it a little at a time. This same issue occurs with workaholics, sports fanatics, etc.
John
I have a certain friend ship that sounds like this... I think that is the nature of hobbies. If its not fish its cars, computers, games, snowboarding, guitar, martial arts... You can never win. Actually I'm reflecting on myself since this is how I am. Allot of us hobbiests are a bit obsessive, I think its the nature of a hobby.
My wife has had several "talks" with me about my fish and tanks. She feels that I spend a lot of time caring for my wet pets(sometimes too much). She also understands why I must stay busy and why I graduated to monster fish keeper status. I started keeping monster tanks and big fish as a tool to help keep me sober. I've battled addiction, in every sense of the word, for a long time. I needed something to keep me busy--mentally and physically. I needed something that would relax me after all the hard work is done--something to enjoy and take pride in. My wife believes that our quality of life together has greatly improved once I put down the drugs and alcohol, so if me keeping my tanks and fish helps maintain that--she is all for it. For me it has grown past a hobby, stepped up further than an obsession, and has become a way of life.
Everyone is different. We all have different drives and motives powering our hobbies and obsessions. I hope the OP can find and understand the motivation behind her boyfriend's obsession. My wife doesn't always agree but she understands what motivates me and has always been there to support me.
Best of luck,
---Chris
Everyone is different. We all have different drives and motives powering our hobbies and obsessions. I hope the OP can find and understand the motivation behind her boyfriend's obsession. My wife doesn't always agree but she understands what motivates me and has always been there to support me.
Best of luck,
---Chris
If you're willing to drop a relationship over it.. it's more then just "fish issues" imo... I had an X that had "gameing" issues.. which are pretty common. for a long time I did it with him, I look back on that relationship with a certain level of fun. But mostly immaturity. It got to a point hwere all we did was game 24/7 outside of work. we literally slept, gamed, and worked. When I tried to encourge him to progress our relationship forward and do things outside of it.. we found out we really didn't have much else in common. He didn't even like animals.
My husband and I now own a few fishtanks. But we are in agreement no fish comes into the house unless we both agree to it... neither one of us would disrespect the other by doing otherwise. It sounds like this is part of what upsets you. Make a deal with him.. and hold him to it. If he doesn't respect the deal you make, explaine to him how insulting it is. Because I'de be livid if my husband brought home a new fish w/out agreeing. It helps keep either one of us from impulse buying... which we did alot of before I was pregnant ( We actually made the bargain the day we found out I was.)
Pretty funny though as the majority of our gifts to eachother are usually hobby related.. which gives us the lee-way to get aroud our deal. yet puts the other person front and cener in getting the fish. We've sat down and had many discussions about which fish to keep, and which to get rid of if we need to down-size again.. and otherwise just keep our lines of communication open.
What works for some may not work for others. But I understand where you're comeing from.. but it also sounds like you really have other issues besides the "fish" that you may want to address, that are simply being hidden. Little things can manifest into big things left unaddressed.
My husband and I now own a few fishtanks. But we are in agreement no fish comes into the house unless we both agree to it... neither one of us would disrespect the other by doing otherwise. It sounds like this is part of what upsets you. Make a deal with him.. and hold him to it. If he doesn't respect the deal you make, explaine to him how insulting it is. Because I'de be livid if my husband brought home a new fish w/out agreeing. It helps keep either one of us from impulse buying... which we did alot of before I was pregnant ( We actually made the bargain the day we found out I was.)
Pretty funny though as the majority of our gifts to eachother are usually hobby related.. which gives us the lee-way to get aroud our deal. yet puts the other person front and cener in getting the fish. We've sat down and had many discussions about which fish to keep, and which to get rid of if we need to down-size again.. and otherwise just keep our lines of communication open.
What works for some may not work for others. But I understand where you're comeing from.. but it also sounds like you really have other issues besides the "fish" that you may want to address, that are simply being hidden. Little things can manifest into big things left unaddressed.
