I can feel like total poo and not want to move from my chair and all I have to do to enjoy a tiny slice of nature is to turn my head to the left a bit.
Advice on Depression and fish keeping.
- Thread starter Scrappy71113
- Start date
I'm on my "second cycle". After 7 years (when I got back in the hobby) my oscars have passed. My PBass, my group of silver dollars. A jurupari. A pleco. Only one jurupari is left. But I have a new sveni with relatively new (one 1/2 year) SD's and congo tetras. And just got some tiger SD's and severums for the other tank. Babies.
It's exciting to start this new cycle. For my wife also.
It's exciting to start this new cycle. For my wife also.
Those are such gorgeous babies. My boys also loved Cheetos. Their mother was a stray that my daughters babysitter was feeding. I got to hold them the day they were born and almost every day after. They came home with me at 8 weeks old and gave me 14 years of glorious chaos and comfort that I wouldn't trade for the world. I miss them. I miss them greeting me at the door, and yelling demands at me, and waiting for me to give them little bites from my plate. I miss waking up and having to kick them off the bed because it was getting too hot to have a heated fur blanket. I miss them playing with their water bowl and making a mess. I miss having to scold them for getting on the tanks and riling up the fish.
I still have my kiddos cat, but she barely tolerates me. She belongs to my daughter through and through.
I might get another pair eventually, but right now, I'm not ready.
Unfortunately, my depression has been an ongoing thing, but this is the worst I've been. I've always managed to pull myself out of it. I was diagnosed a few years ago with high functioning depression. Basically, I'm depressed, but I can still go through the motions. Depression is a complex thing.
The best way I can describe it is like feeling nothing. You feel like you SHOULD cry, but you don't. You feel like you SHOULD be happy, but you just can't. It's also exhausting. Like you know you need to get up and do the dishes, but you just don't have the energy, like a weight is holding you down. Sleep becomes a blessing, but gets harder to achieve.
Imagine going to bed, so exhausted you can barely stand, but laying awake for hours. Imagine waking up in the morning, and just not having the energy to get out of bed. When you finally do, just getting dressed is exhausting.
It affects your appetite, food doesn't taste as good, and even though you're hungry, you just don't want to eat. It affects your self esteem, you no longer see anything but negative stuff about yourself. It affects your hobbies, things you love no longer bring happiness and joy, they just become another chore. At least that's my experience.
I used to paint, years ago. I used to bake every weekend. I used to build things. I built a canopy for my bed, a shelf for my plants, filters for my fish. I used to play the violin. I used to garden.
All of these things have been swallowed up by depression over the years. But the fish, they've always helped.
I know how to fix this, and I'm doing my best to do so, but it definitely isn't easy.
I'm sorry about your friend. It's difficult to watch someone you care about crumble.
And your fish. Kids can be so cruel sometimes.
I had to shut down my fish tanks before, because of a situation with my daughter. It took years for me to get back into it.
I hope I don't have to this time.
And I promise I won't drink. My sister is an alcoholic, I've watched her destroy her life with alcohol. I will never take that route.
I'm hoping to get back into the joy of getting new fish. I miss it, playing musical fish tanks, because I just couldn't say no to that one little guy, but he can't live with this guy, but this guy can live with those guys, and if I put this catfish in that tank, I could get one more, and "what the heck, what's one more tank?"
Just gotta get out of this crap job I have and move on to bigger and better things.
Okay, update.
Unfortunately my Oscar with the swim bladder issue didn't make it. He passed away Monday despite the water changes and meds. I didn't step up in time and he suffered for it.
He was a big dopey guy that could care less if I was in digging in the tank, and was more interested in fighting his reflection.
My two ladies and my red devil are doing good. Just have to get the HITH healed up I've been staying on top of water changes.
I'm truly greatful to everyone here, whether you know it or not, just posting here has been holding me accountable, and honestly I need that right now.
The words of encouragement, the shared experiences, everything has been a lot of help. I'll keep you guys updated on the fish and all. Thank you everyone.
Unfortunately my Oscar with the swim bladder issue didn't make it. He passed away Monday despite the water changes and meds. I didn't step up in time and he suffered for it.
He was a big dopey guy that could care less if I was in digging in the tank, and was more interested in fighting his reflection.
My two ladies and my red devil are doing good. Just have to get the HITH healed up I've been staying on top of water changes.
I'm truly greatful to everyone here, whether you know it or not, just posting here has been holding me accountable, and honestly I need that right now.
The words of encouragement, the shared experiences, everything has been a lot of help. I'll keep you guys updated on the fish and all. Thank you everyone.
Hello; This is perhaps the more telling bit of information you have posted. Two ways to look at it. One is you do run tanks poorly and are in some manner responsible for the condition of the fish. Another is even the those who keep pristine tanks has fish which die. Fact is of the many thousands of fish i have kept over six plus decades only a few are alive today.
Point I am digging at is the idea we each should internalize and take personal blame for a dead fish is extreme. Normal to feel bad if I made a mistake and caused the death of a fish. But sometimes fish just die on their own. I tend to buy fish in lots of ten or more. Did so with some tiger barbs and some harlequin Rasboras. Ten of each in separate 29 gallon tanks. After three to five years or so I am down to four tigers & five rasboras. The first round of deaths with the greater numbers happened within the first year. After that there would be a stable number at around seven for a long time. Same tank conditions in which the survivors thrive.
I do not know why you dislike yourself. I figure each of us can find negative stuff about ourselves. We each know when we chickened out or did something disgusting and we all do such things. We know because we were present with ourselves at the time. I figure most of us would like a few do overs which we will not get.
Fish keeping is a hobby. There is work involved but it should not become a chore. If it does become a chore may be time to cut back or even quit. I am down to three tanks the last few years. Very lightly stocked and planted heavily. I can let the WC slide for a few days because 4 or 5 fish in a 29 gallon tank is not on a tightrope of must dos. I also skip feeding a day or two each week to keep things better. I do not have to dread nor feel any pressure. If i do get to feeling pressure I will get down to two tanks or even one. Put the empties in the basement with the other empty tanks.
The world craps on all of us pretty much all the time. It would be nice to say something slick such as do not dwell on the crap too much, but sometimes the crap is just too deep. Most times though we can find something nice amongst it all, if we stop and look. I'll wager most members on this forum are dealing with health, financial, family drama, legal or other such unpleasant issues. Might be you pile of crap is not in the top ten of the membership.
I know you're right, about all of it.
When I worked at a fish store, the main thing I told people who were just starting was "You can do everything right and everything can still go wrong. You have to be patient."
And I know there are people who are going through way worse than I am. Honestly I can't pinpoint what has me so down. There's nothing horrible in my life. I have a job, miserable as it may be, that pays the bills, I have a car, a home, food to eat, a wonderful child who loves me, I'm blessed to still have my parents in my life. Everything is there for me to be happy and comfortable. I don't know if it's just an accumulation of little things adding up, or what. I honestly think my job is bringing me down.
In my original post I admitted to neglecting my tanks. It's not that it's a chore, it's hard to explain, I WANT to be involved in the tanks. I've just had issues doing it. My guilt from my Oscar dying is because it was my fault. I did neglect him, and because I neglected him he died.
Yes I feel guilty, but I also need to face the truth so I can learn and not repeat it.
I bought the plants to help with nitrates, but never put them in the tanks. I have the hoses to do the water changes, but never did them. I went and spent the money on the things, excited to bring them home and get them in the tanks, but when it came time to do it, it became this looming overwhelming task.
I literally had to cut open some plastic tubes and drop plants in the water, rinse off the roots of a few house plants and stick them in the back of the lids, and it felt so impossible to do. The plants ended up withering and dying.
But that being said, I'm taking baby steps.
I'm taking the advice from here and doing just weekly water changes and filter maintenance as needed. No scrubbing the glass or washing the lids or polishing the outside. I have reduced feeding to three times a week (Monday, Wednesday, and Friday). I have my hoses strung out and ready to go so all I have to do is start the siphon. The hardest thing I have to deal with is draining the water from the hoses after it's done.
Thankfully I have bare bottom tanks, so no worries on cleaning gravel.
Things will get better. I just need to step up and make them better. I can understand that, and I'm trying.
