Chuck Norris

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Sir-KS

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Apr 10, 2008
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-Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.

-There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris.

-When Chuck Norris was denied a Bacon McMuffin at McDonalds because it was 10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a KFC.

-If you want a list of Chuck Norris' enemies, just check the extinct species list.

-One time while sparring with Wolverine, Chuck Norris accidentally lost his left testicle. You might be familiar with it to this very day by its technical term: Jupite.

-Chuck Norris once shot an enemy plane down with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"

-Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.

-To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.
 
love this thread:)

Chuck Norris makes onions cry.
Chuck Norris can delete the Recycling Bin.
Bill Gates lives in constant fear that Chuck Norris' PC will crash.
Ghosts are actually caused by Chuck Norris killing people faster than Death can process them.
Chuck Norris can build a snowman out of rain.
Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless phone.
Chuck Norris can drown a fish.
Chuck Norris can play the violin with a piano
When Chuck Norris enters a room, he doesn't turn the lights on, he turns the dark off.
Chuck Norris once had a heart attack; his heart lost.
When Chuck Norris looks in a mirror the mirror shatters, because not even glass is stupid enough to get in between Chuck Norris and Chuck Norris.
Brett Favre can throw a football over 50 yards. Chuck Norris can throw Brett Favre even further.
The last digit of pi is Chuck Norris. He is the end of all things.
Chuck Norris does not know where you live, but he knows where you will die.
Bullets dodge Chuck Norris.
A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
Chuck Norris' calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd, no one fools Chuck Norris.
If you spell Chuck Norris wrong on Google it doesn't say, "Did you mean Chuck Norris?" It simply replies, "Run while you still have the chance."
Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle.
Once a cobra bit Chuck Norris' leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.
When Chuck Norris gives you the finger, he's telling you how many seconds you have left to live.
Chuck Norris doesn't have hair on his testicles, because hair does not grow on steel.
Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
Chuck Norris was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.
Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. Chuck Norris can kill 100 percent of whatever he wants.
There is no such thing as global warming. Chuck Norris was cold, so he turned the sun up.
Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
Chuck Norris has a deep and abiding respect for human life… unless it gets in his way.
It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
Chuck Norris once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, “Bang!”
In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.
Behind every successful man, there is a woman. Behind every dead man, there is Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because Chuck Norris only recognizes the element of surprise.
Chuck Norris got his drivers license at the age of 16 Seconds.
With the rising cost of gasoline, Chuck Norris is beginning to worry about his drinking habit.
The square root of Chuck Norris is pain. Do not try to square Chuck Norris, the result is death.
When you say “no one’s perfect”, Chuck Norris takes this as a personal insult.
 
princess;1711617;1711617 said:
who is chuck norris
Click to expand...
WHAT?!?!??!?! how can you not know who chuck norris is? OMGWTFBBQ you folks from england!! haha chuck is awesome. i dont know whats tackier, his acting or his fun facts :)
 
If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you.

There is no 'ctrl' button on Chuck Norris's computer. Chuck Norris is always in control.

Apple pays Chuck Norris 99 cents every time he listens to a song.

Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.

Chuck Norris can eat just one Lay's potato chip.

Chuck Norris is suing Myspace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you.

Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.

Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
 
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.

Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.

There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.

When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.

Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.

Chuck Norris’ hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.

Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.

Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost

Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.

Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.
 
LMAO^^^^ Princess...If Chuck Norris wanted you to know you would know.

After a good night of drinking most people throw up. Chuck Norris throws down.

When Chuck Norris jumps in the lake he doesn't get wet. The water gets Chuck Norris.
 
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