Fish Keeping for Dum Dums...

  • We are currently upgrading MFK. thanks! -neo
Time to get back on track...

"My goldfish is orange not gold. Is it microbacterium sycopphagus spreading? HELP!!"

"My Red Devil has white patches all over. Has he lost the will to live? HELP!!

"My synodontis keeps trying to stick to glass but falls off. His mouth suction is going bad. HELP!!"

"My 5 bar Dat only has 4 bars...is he sick, defective or just too short? HELP!!"

"I have lots of algae and worry my fish will hit the glass because they can't see. Should I thin out the water? HELP!!"

"I thought PH meant potassium hydroxide...my fish are having problems since I tried to add some and change the number. HELP!!"

"I have two catfishes. One has small spots and the other has big spots. Disease wise, does this make a difference? HELP!!"

"I leave my grow lights on 24/7 but after 4 months I can't find my fish. Could the city be putting something in the water supply? HELP!!"

"My discus are so thin you can barely see them from the front. Should I overfeed to widen them out? HELP!!"

"My ranchu are always wiggling when they swim. Are they trying to shake worms out? HELP!!"

"All of my fish are really slippery and sticky when I pick them up. Is it some kind of oozing slime infection? HELP!!"
“My upside down catfish is upside down! Is it swim bladder? HELP!!”
 
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“My tank was smelling bad so I poured some Febreze in there and it smells better but my fish are upside down!!!! Is it swim bladder? HELP!!!”
 
"I've just started keeping marine fish but they all die shortly after I add them to my tank. I can't understand it because my clown loach in that tank are doing great". HELP!"

"Me and my dad were struggling to get my new 8ft tank around a corner in our small house. So my dad made a few adjustments with a hammer. The tank is now around that corner....but in a heap on the floor. HELP!"

"Everytime I get new fish from my LFS they're dead within 48 hours. My mum says perhaps I should try taking them out of their bags, but what does she know about our hobby? HELP!"

"A guy at my LFS suggested I did a planted tank. So I filled it to the brim with soil and went to my garden centre to stock up. My roses are doing great but where the hell are my fish meant to go, HELP!"

"My young granddaughter threw some of her grandma's make up in my tank. All my fish have now got lipstick and mascara on, HELP!"

"My wife came home early and caught me prancing around the house in her skimpy underwear and high heels, HELP!......oh my bad.....that one's for a different forum!!! Ignore and carry on". :uhoh:
 
Esox, you seem to belong to some other forums that focus on...um...interesting topics...? Not that there's anything wrong with that...:naughty:

Now, to get back on-topic...here's one that I actually saw (paraphrased) on another forum I once belonged to:

"I got my fish three days ago and I love him so much that I can barely breathe. But since the first day, he has been laying on his side in the corner of the tank. He has turned completely white, and now has started to grow this weird white fuzzy stuff on him. On that first day he would move whenever I poked him, but since then he doesn't respond at all when reach in with the net and try to wake him up; also, he's not interested in food. I think something may be wrong? HELP!"
 
And, of course, the two polar extremes of aquarium stand philosophy:

"I have just finished pouring a solid pad of concrete, reinforced with 1/2-inch rebar, to support my tank. It is 48 inches long, 24 inches wide and 30 inches tall. I used 40 bags of quick-set concrete and approximately 100 feet of rebar, and it seems pretty solid. My house is creaking now, and my front door no longer opens, but...will this be sufficient to support my tank? HELP!"

"I just bought a paper-shredder, and it came in a really solid, well-built cardboard box. Can I use this box as a stand for my new 30-gallon tank? I want to paint it black and, if necessary, I can leave the styrofoam packing material inside to add extra strength and stability. My tank needs a stand NOW because my new redtail cat is still in the plastic bag from the store and is starting to look a little funny. I need to get this tank set up immediately and get him into it, so a strong, solid stand is important to me. HELP!"
 
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"My tank has a school of Pink Filmy-finned Tetras and I just bought a new Purple Gazork Catfish to add to it. Now, Seriously Fishy says that the temperature range for the Filmy-fins is 75F - 80F, and the Gazork needs 70F - 74F. My question is, if I keep my tank exactly at 74.5F would these fish be fine? Also, the tetras come from water with a pH of 6, and the cat apparently comes from pH 8, so should I just split the difference and keep them at 7? And...how the heck would I go about doing that? I want them to be happy!"
 
"My tank has a school of Pink Filmy-finned Tetras and I just bought a new Purple Gazork Catfish to add to it. Now, Seriously Fishy says that the temperature range for the Filmy-fins is 75F - 80F, and the Gazork needs 70F - 74F. My question is, if I keep my tank exactly at 74.5F would these fish be fine? Also, the tetras come from water with a pH of 6, and the cat apparently comes from pH 8, so should I just split the difference and keep them at 7? And...how the heck would I go about doing that? I want them to be happy!"
What in the HECK is a Purple Gazork Catfish?!?!? Lol
 
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